Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been?
by grangerinvestigations
Summary: Hermione can't change the past, but can she live with it? Time Turner fic HGRL, HGRW. HBP compatible. Now Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer****: I do not own Harry Potter. The title of this story comes from an episode of the TV series **_**Angel**_** (which I of course also don't own).**

Hermione Granger groggily opened her eyes. She tried to focus on her surroundings, but her head was pounding and her eyes blurry. She was lying on a floor, head cradled under a robe and she could make out several shadowy figures. One had glasses and messy black hair.

"Harry?" she said hoarsely. "What happened? Did I fall?" She looked at her friend. Harry was slowing sliding into focus. He looked at her strangely but didn't answer. She looked past him, searching for Ron, but the only red hair she saw was long and silky.

"Ginny? What are you doing here?"

"I don't think she knows where she is," a voice said. Hermione's ears perked at this. The voice was both strange and familiar to her. She looked for its owner and saw a handsome black haired boy. She gasped.

"Sirius?" She tried to sit up, but winced at the pain in her head. She looked at Sirius. A seventeen-year-old Sirius. His eyes widened at her address and he looked at Harry for guidance. Hermione followed his gaze. Her eyes slid from Harry to Ginny. Not Harry and Ginny, she realized with growing panic. James and Lily. And that meant… She looked to the last boy.

"Professor Lupin. I don't know what happened."

"Professor!" Sirius laughed. "You hear that, Moony?"

Lupin looked back at Sirius, frowning. "Padfoot, how does this girl know us? Have you ever seen her before?"

Lily knelt beside a shaking Hermione. "Honey, do you know where you are? What's your name?" Hermione looked into her concerned eyes. Harry's eyes. She had heard countless people say this, and here she was, confirming with her own eyes. She looked back at James. He did look like Harry, she thought, but there really was no mistaking the two. She found it odd that she could form these thoughts right now, when all she really wanted to do was scream. She reached in her pocket. It was empty. No Time Turner. No wand.

"Oh God," she breathed, trying to sit up again. "I don't have the Time Turner. I'm in Marauder time and I can't get back. Oh God." She spoke to herself, rocking back and forth. She knew she needed to calm down and assess the situation, but for once, she gave into panic. She tried to remember the events leading up to this, but her mind was blank.

"She said Marauders," Sirius said. "Who the hell is this girl? Evans! Are you sure you don't know her? Is she one of your muggle friends?"

"I've never seen her before, Sirius. You're the one she knows; she called me Ginny. She knows Remus, too." Hermione continued to rock on the floor as they spoke over and about her. Their voices faded to a low buzz as she considered an actual breakdown. All those times she had remained brave and helped Harry, never flinching from danger and now she was broken on the floor. _Malfoy and Snape would love this_, she thought weakly. That roused her a bit. Snape. He was probably here, too. And Wormtail. She jerked up, looking at the Marauders again. The implications of the situation hit her full force.

_I can stop them. I can change what happens. _She looked at James and Lily_. I can save Harry's parents. And Sirius. Damn it, am I a Gryffindor or not?_

This thought pushed the panic back down. "Can you help me up?" she asked Lily. Warily, Lily held the girl as she rose. She was reluctant to let go; obviously the girl's recent ordeal had been terrible. Hermione smiled gratefully at Lily, then swept her eyes over the Marauders once more, seeing them fully for the first time. Professor Lupin was staring openly at her. Already aged beyond his years, he nonetheless had a twinkle in his eyes that had not been present when he taught her at Hogwarts. _He's cute, too_, she thought mildly, as her eyes flickered over to Sirius. He too was watching Hermione, his handsome face bewildered. Her eyes started to tear up the longer she looked at him and without warning, she suddenly flung herself in his arms.

"Sirius," she sobbed. "I'm so glad to see you; Harry will be so happy." She clung to him as he looked at his friends for support. She knew she needed to get a grip on herself, but seeing Sirius again was too much.

"Prongs? A little assistance?" Sirius let Hermione hug him, awkwardly patting her back. At last she drew back.

"Sorry," she whispered.

"S'okay," he said. "I enjoy getting hugged by strange, pretty, crying girls. We're just back to the little issue of who are you, and how do you know us?"

"Yes." Hermione wiped her tears away and stood up straight. "A valid question. Actually-" she broke off. Obviously it wouldn't do to immediately divulge her story. She couldn't appear out of nowhere, declare their friend a traitor and expect their belief and support. Then, of course, there was the tricky little problem of how to get home. Perhaps, for the time being, discretion would be best.

"I hit my head," she finished lamely. "I can't remember." None of them looked convinced, least of all Lupin, but it would have to do for now. "Lily? Is Professor Dumbledore here?"

She trembled with excitement at the thought of seeing her Headmaster again. _I'll save him, too_, she said to herself with conviction.

Lily raised her eyebrow. "So you do know who I am," she said. "Do you know James, too? You called him Harry. And you know the headmaster; why? Who are you?"

Hermione waved the question away. "I do know you all, but I can't remember any more than that right now. Did anyone see how I got here?"

"No, we didn't," James answered her. "We were coming back from the Great Hall together, and you were lying in here, unconscious. Moon- Remus put his robe under your head and Lily enervated you. Do you think you apparated here?"

"You can't apparate or disapparate inside Hogwarts; how many times do I have to tell you guys that?" Lupin said crossly. Hermione looked at him, surprised. How many times had she said the exact same thing to Harry and Ron? "I don't know how I got here. Please, I need to see Professor Dumbledore."

"I'll take her," Lupin stepped forward. "Lily, you go and see if you can find something else for her to wear. She's already going to create a stir; I don't want Snape or any of those Slytherins seeing her in muggle clothes."

"Snivellus," Sirius sneered. "I don't know why you're concerned about him, Moony. He might get some grease on her or something." Hermione smiled inwardly at this. "Do you want me and James to go with you? Should we get Wormtail? Lord only knows where he is, anyway."

"No!" Hermione protested. They looked at her, shocked. "I mean, please don't get anyone else. I'll go with Pr- with Lupin. Thank you all." She took Lupin's outstretched hand and allowed him to lead her away.

For the first time, Hermione took in her surroundings. She was in the Gryffindor common room. It must be the weekend, or the Marauders would be in class. Well, at least she was back on familiar grounds. She should be there anyway. Harry, Ron and Hermione had not returned to Hogwarts for their seventh year; instead the friends were tracking down Lord Voldemort's horcruxes, the splinters of his evil soul. Just last week, they had found and destroyed one. Her heart twinged at the thought of her friends. _I hope they're okay. This cannot distract_ _them_. She knew it was imperative that she return to them as soon as possible.

Hermione and Lupin walked in silence for several minutes. She could feel his eyes on her, sizing her up. Her mind was a jumble. It was just too weird to see her former professor as a teenager, not to mention Sirius, James and Lily. She hoped she was back in her own time before she encountered Snape.

"What's your name?" Lupin asked her, breaking the silence. "Can you remember that, or did you hit your head too hard?

She ignored the sarcasm in his voice. "Hermione. My name is Hermione Granger."

"Nice to meet you, Hermione." He paused. Hermione could tell he was wrestling with whether or not to question her again. His curiosity got the better of him.

"Look, I really think you owe us an explanation. I mean, you just appeared out of nowhere, and you've not exactly been forthcoming. Why did you call everyone else by their first name, but me Professor Lupin? How do you know the name Marauders?"

"I told you I don't-"

"Hogwash," Lupin snapped. "You know exactly who we are and you haven't forgotten anything."

Hermione stopped and turned to him. "Okay. I did hit my head and I'm not really sure how I got here, but everything else I remember. I'm not able to tell you right now. Please don't ask any more questions, and please don't tell the others anything. I need to talk to Professor Dumbledore, and then I'll know how to proceed. Okay?"

"Okay," Lupin said, "but after you talk to Dumbledore, we're going to need some answers."

"I'll tell you everything I can." She knew this wasn't much of a promise, but it was all she could offer right now. Hopefully, Dumbledore would quickly straighten everything out. She expected to have Wormtail exposed and herself back with Ron within the day. Hermione and Lupin traveled the rest of the way in silence. They stopped outside the stone gargoyles that led to the Headmaster's office.

"Peppermint Toads." The gargoyles leapt aside and a winding staircase appeared before them. Hermione realized that she had never been in Dumbledore's office before, but merely heard about it from Harry. She was surprised to find herself pleased in spite of everything.

Lupin climbed the stairs with her and knocked on Professor Dumbledore's door. "Enter."

Hermione's breath caught in her throat as she opened the door and stood looking at her beloved Headmaster again. His eyes held their familiar twinkle as he looked at her questioningly. He looked exactly as she remembered him.

"Ahh, Mr. Lupin. Who is your charming friend?"

"Actually, I'm not sure, Headmaster," Lupin answered him. "She's come to us quite unannounced."

"Indeed?" Dumbledore smiled at Hermione. "Please have a seat, Miss - ?"

"Granger, sir. Hermione Granger. Thank you, Professor Dumbledore," she said. "Pro- I mean, Lupin and his friends have been very kind. I need to speak with you about some important things, however, and it would be better to do so in private." She looked apologetically at Lupin. "I'm sorry, Lupin, you don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all," he answered stiffly. "Although I wish you would call me Remus. I'll check to see that Lily has found you some robes."

She nodded her thanks. Lupin inclined his head at Dumbledore and left the room.

"Professor," she said breathlessly, the moment he was gone, "thank God you're here. The worse thing possible has happened. Harry, Ron and I were searching for Voldemort. We're working on defeating him, well, Harry is, really, but Ron and I are helping. I don't even know how this happened. I thought all the Time Turners had been destroyed at the Department of Mysteries, but I found one at Grimmauld Place. We had an idea about the locket, so we returned there. Lord only knows how we missed a Time Turner as many times as we'd been there, but I found it. I think Kreacher must have stowed it away somewhere. I didn't mean to use it, I didn't even think I had, but it must have brought me here! I have no idea what happened, Professor." She finished speaking and looked at him expectantly. Hermione forgot, for the moment, that Professor Dumbledore hadn't traveled back in time with her and therefore probably had no idea what she was talking about.

Dumbledore looked at her, still smiling faintly. If he was at all confused by her tale, he didn't let on.

"Well, Miss Granger, this is a rather interesting story. I'm frankly impressed with your use of the name Voldemort, if nothing else. Could you elaborate at all? If you used a Time Turner, in what time should you reside?"

"1997," she said miserably.

"Oh, dear. And how do you know Mr. Lupin? Are you acquainted in your time period?"

"He was our Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. And a member of the Order."

Dumbledore started at this and looked at her shrewdly. "Miss Granger, are you a member of the Order of the Phoenix in your time?"

"No," she said. "Harry, Ron and I were too young, everyone said. Bullocks, in my opinion, considering what we had already accomplished, but there's no arguing with Mrs. Weasley. "

"Indeed," Dumbledore said, twinkling again.

"Professor, I need to tell you some things. I know I'm not making much sense, but since I'm here, I can fix some things. Terrible things happen, and I can change them. I can help Harry."

"Harry is your friend?"

"He and Ron are my best friends. And Voldemort is after Harry, and Harry can stop him, but I can help him, I can change-"

"Miss Granger," Dumbledore interrupted her. "You are in Gryffindor, are you not?" At her nod, he continued, "Then I already know that you are very brave. You also strike me as an exceptionally bright witch. You've been put in an extraordinary position. I understand your impulse to right the wrongs of your time. Unfortunately, this cannot happen."

"What? Professor, why?" Hermione stared at him incredulously. "All I have to do is warn James, Sirius and Lupin-"

"It's not that simple, I'm afraid. Hermione, you cannot tell anyone the events of the future, not even me."

"_Why_?"

"You cannot change your past, Miss Granger," Professor Dumbledore stated simply. "You cannot tell your new friends their future, because in your time, they do not know it. If you told them now, these events of which you speak would not have taken place. Since they did, it means that you did not tell them."

"I don't understand." Tears were starting down her cheeks. This was impossible. She could not be here, in this time, and not change what happened. Wormtail could not betray his friends on her watch. Voldemort could not kill Harry's parents.

"I'm sorry, Miss Granger, but we cannot change our past, no matter how much we might wish to. I will work on getting you back to your own time. This may take some time, but I do believe we can manage. In the mean time, you must carry on as normal."

"Normal?" She was crying in earnest now. "How can I carry on as normal, knowing these things? I don't belong here, Professor Dumbledore! No one knows me, why would I be here at this school? What am I supposed to tell everyone? I called them by name; I wept over Sirius and called Lupin 'Professor!' How can I explain this away?"

"You will be a transfer student. I'll tell the other Professors the truth, as much as they need to know, at least, but you cannot tell your new friends."

"But they already know something! They're going to want to know who I am! Please, Professor, this can't be the way; I have to be able to tell everyone what's going to happen!"

"Miss Granger, there are dire consequences with changing one's past. It's possible that you may bring about your own demise. It simply cannot be done. Tell the other Gryffindors that they came to you in a dream. Perhaps a vision? It's the only thing that can be done, until we get you safely back in your own time. I trust I have your word on this?"

"Yes, Professor," she said meekly, still quietly crying.

"Hermione," he said kindly. "I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. But I'm sure you can imagine the horror that would occur if everyone was able to change the past. The world would be chaos, if it could even exist. All things happen for a reason. Take this time to appreciate what was, and I will work diligently to get you back to what is."

"Yes, Professor," she said again. Listlessly, she got to her feet and wiped her eyes. Her mind had not yet completely processed what had just occurred. She felt as if she had briefly held victory in her hands, and now all was lost. She was also sure the Marauders were not going to buy her "dream" story. She certainly wouldn't believe that rubbish. She opened the door and walked slowly down the spiral staircase. Each step felt like she was sinking into quicksand. Her breath was short and her head felt like it was going to split in half.

"I'm sorry, Harry," she whispered miserably. "I'm so sorry." Would he believe that she couldn't help them? How would he react to knowing she allowed his parents and godfather to be betrayed and murdered? Would she even see him again? _And Ron_. She and Ron had just started working out their feelings for one another. She couldn't bear to think she might never get to be with him again. When she finally opened the door to the hallway, she was unsurprised to find Lupin waiting for her.

"Hey," he greeted her, taking in her tear-streaked face. "Are you okay? Hermione, did Professor Dumbledore help you?"

"Yes," she said dully. "Yes, he was very helpful. Can you walk me back to Gryffindor tower, Lupin? I'm going to be staying here awhile, and Professor Dumbledore felt I was best suited there."

"Of course," he said. "Hermione-"

"I'll explain when we get there," she cut him off. "I can speak to all of your friends together." She allowed him to lead her through Hogwarts once more. The familiarity of her school comforted her somewhat and she did trust Dumbledore to help her. And she _was_ brave. She knew that she must face whatever came her way - even that rat Wormtail. She would have to simply swallow her feelings around him and carry on as best she could. _At least I'll get some of my N.E.W.T. level classes, _she thought_. Might as well stay as positive as possible. It would be nice to spend some time with Lupin and Sirius again, too_. Her mind could not yet wrap itself around James and Lily. Seeing her best friend's dead parents, seeing him reflected in their faces was simply more than she could manage right now. She would almost have to think of them as completely different people.

Hermione and Lupin found the rest of the Marauders waiting for them in the Gryffindor common room. Her heart lurched unpleasantly when she saw Peter Pettigrew was with them. He looked at her with interest, smiling shyly, and it was all she could do to keep from screaming at him.

"Boys, Lily, this is Hermione Granger. Do you know Peter as well?" Lupin asked her.

"Yes," Hermione answered. "I know him as Wormtail."

Even though the friends had used their nicknames in front of her, it was still bit odd for them to know Hermione was already familiar with them.

"And yes, I know you are all unregistered animagi," she answered their unspoken question. Their faces went pale at her revelation. "Except you, Lily, I believe. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Fair enough," Sirius said bracingly. "We'll hold you to that. Now of course the real question is, how in the bloody hell do you know all of this? Hermione, is it? Obviously you're a witch. Why don't you already go to Hogwarts? Who are Harry and Ginny? Why did you call Moony Professor and, well, really, just who are you?"

Hermione looked at them all. Being back in the Gryffindor common room rallied her spirits a bit. She had some experience lying, after all - one does not spend time with George and Fred Weasley and not learn how to lie, or with Harry and Ron, for that matter.

"I understand my arrival here was a bit of a shock to you all. I don't have all the answers for you yet. I'm still a little confused myself. I'm actually a transfer student from Beauxbatons."

"You're obviously British," Professor Lupin (_Remus_, she thought to herself, _I must call him Remus_) stated the obvious. "Why would you transfer to Hogwarts your final year of school?"

"That's where it gets a bit complicated," Hermione admitted. "I'm actually muggle-born. My parents moved to France when I was ten, so when it was time for me to go to school, I was sent to Beauxbatons. Last month, I had a dream. I was in a forest at night and there were four animals with me - a stag, a dog, a rat and a - a werewolf." She avoided looking at Lupin as she said this, but she could hear him draw in breath and could feel them all exchange worried glances. Animagi were one thing, but for Hermione to know Moony's secret - that was a bit more serious.

"It was a very vivid dream, but I thought that was all it was - a dream," she continued, the lies falling from her lips. "But then I had it again the following night, and then the next and the next. Each night I had more details. I watched you change back into your human forms, and I learned your names. Lily was there, as well. I learned you went to Hogwarts. I tried to dismiss it, but finally I shared my dreams with my Divination professor." She blanched a bit at that lie - she was embarrassed to have people think she was taking Divination. "He thought it was important to share the dreams with Professor Dumbledore, and he invited me here, to learn about you all."

She had kept her eyes averted as she told her tale, and now snuck a look at her audience. Wormtail looked convinced, but the rest of them were looking at her skeptically.

"You told your Divination Professor and Dumbledore we're animagi?" Sirius asked.

"No!" Hermione protested. Merlin, this story was going to be hard to keep straight. "In my dreams, I knew it was a secret. It's hard to explain how they were - I felt protective of you all, and a part of something. I don't know where the dreams came from, but I thought it was important that I come here and find out."

"Hermione," Lupin looked at her suspiciously. "I don't mean to question you, but… Well, if you knew who we were, why did you call James and Lily Harry and Ginny? Why did you freak out and run to Dumbledore? If you came here for us, why did you act so surprised to see us?"

Hermione sighed. "Harry and Ginny are my friends from Beauxbatons. You both look a little bit like them. I really did hit my head. I fell in the common room and slammed my head on the floor. When I woke up, I didn't know where I was, and then it was just shocking to actually see you all. I panicked a bit; it was just so surreal. I went to Dumbledore to let him know I got here alright, and to see about my schedule." She knew this last lie was weak, but she didn't know what else to say. She longed to shout out the truth, but since that was out of the question, she would just have to carry the tale as best she could.

Obviously, the Marauders didn't believe her story, but Hermione could tell they were going to accept it for now. She knew they would confirm it with Dumbledore and then, whether they bought it or not, they would have to at least pretend to trust her. In the meantime, she would learn more about the Marauders and perhaps bring Harry and Ron back some stories.

"Well, you've had a long day, Hermione," Lily said. "Let me take you to bed. I've got some robes for you to borrow. Did you bring anything with you?"

"I didn't," Hermione said, embarrassed. _Way to make the story sound convincing_, she thought ruefully. _Who travels without any clothes_?

"Well, we'll get you set up tomorrow," Lily said, not challenging her. She led Hermione up the stairs into the girls' dormitory and showed her to a bed. Lulled by the familiarity, and thoroughly drained, Hermione fell asleep moments after her head hit the pillow.

Down in the common room, the boys were discussing their new housemate.

"She's full of it," Lupin said bluntly. "Completely and utterly. I think she's nutters, too."

"I think we're all in agreement with that, Moony," Sirius said. "But what are we supposed to do about it? Do you think she's bad; that she's been sent here to spy or something?"

"Who'd want to spy on you, Padfoot?" asked James. "Has she been sent by one of your many female admirers?"

"My mum, more likely," said Sirius darkly. "Although she'd have to be lying about being a muggle-born, then. Mama Black's not employing any mudbloods." He spat out the ugly word and scowled at the thought of his mother.

"Your mum doesn't know all that information about us," James said confidently. "No, if she's lying, she's coming from another source. What do you think, Wormtail?"

"I think she's pretty."

"Well, I think we're all in agreement with that, too, Wormtail," said Sirius, laughing. "If I really featured in her dreams, I would hope you guys wouldn't be there mucking it up. Moony?"

"I like her hair," he said, without thinking. Ignoring the other boys' smirks, he continued, "but I think that's beside the point. Anyone with that much information about us is dangerous, period. If this got into the wrong hands, we'd all be expelled. I'll reserve judgment on whether or not she actually means us harm, but we need to watch her closely."

"And so we shall," said James. "After all, according to her story, she's mad about us anyway. She can't refuse to hang out with us when she told us she came for us in the first place. She about had conniptions over Padfoot, too. And she still hasn't said why she called Moony 'Professor.'"

"She probably saw his Prefect badge, Prongs," Wormtail offered. "Maybe her dream self can't read."

"Brilliant," Lupin said sarcastically. "That must be it." He rose abruptly, and without another word, stalked off to the boys' dormitory. The remaining Marauders looked at one another, shrugged, and followed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All belongs to JKR.**

The next month was a blur. Hermione went through the motions - class, studying, hanging out with her new friends - but her mind could not connect with reality. On one hand, she was having a wonderful time with the Marauders. Whether or not they believed her, they were at least pretending to do so. After confirming her story with Dumbledore, they had decided, at the very least, she meant them no harm. They seemed delighted to have a new protégé, and teased her endlessly for her determination not to rule-break. Being with them made her feel comfortable, in a way; made her feel like she was home. On the other hand, Professor Dumbledore was no closer to getting her back to her _real _home. It was hard to lie constantly, and she was feeling the strain of keeping with her story. This time had some other problems, too.

Snape. Professor Severus Snape was just as obnoxious when he was a student as when he taught at Hogwarts. To be fair, the Marauders did provoke him quite to bit. Still, he was a gigantic git, and since he was not her professor at this time, Hermione had no trouble treating him with the same disdain she usually reserved for Draco Malfoy.

The first time they met had not been pleasant. Hermione was accompanying Lily and the Maraurders to Potions. Hermione had been excited to attend one of her favorite subjects without that overgrown bat breathing down her neck. For five years, nothing she did impressed the man; indeed, he had been dismissive and nasty to her. Insufferable know-it-all, in her opinion, was hardly what one said to a student. Sixth year had not been much better, since his Half-Blood Prince textbook had enabled Harry to beat Hermione for the first time. The bottom line was, Snape had been mucking up her class for the last six years, and she was very keen to be heading to Snape-free Potions. Alas, as usual, she had Potions with the Slytherins.

She had started a little when she first saw him. Hermione had half-expected to run into him by now, but the shock was still great. He certainly looked the part of a Junior Death Eater: scowling, slouching, lank hair hanging in his face. In short, he looked almost exactly the same as when she had known him. _Perhaps a few more pimples_, she thought viciously. He sneered at her and Lily, but Hermione thought she saw a flicker of interest in his eyes.

"Who's your new mudblood, Potter?" he hissed at them. "Have you started your own fan club?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes, but stayed silent. Was mudblood the only word they knew?

"Now, now, Snivellus," Sirius said in a deadly tone. "Apologize to Granger and Evans."

"No, I don't think I will, Black," Snape said. "I think I'll just carry on, if it's all the same to you." Sirius, James and Lupin raised their wands at Snape, but Professor Slughorn chose that moment to walk outside the classroom.

"Miss Evans!" he greeted Lily jovially, "Is this the famous Miss Granger I've heard so much about? Marvelous! I do hope you've been studying with Lily; she's one of the top students in the class." He beamed at Lily. Snape glared at them both as Lily introduced Hermione to Professor Slughorn, but wisely kept his mouth shut. He was likewise silent during Potions. He did look her way once or twice, and Hermione saw him mouth a few obscenities at the Marauders, but for the most part, he appeared engrossed in his work. Hermione knew he was already calling himself the Half-Blood Prince; no doubt his textbook was full of notes. _Prat_, she thought to herself.

After their first meeting, Snape left Hermione more or less alone, but she got the feeling he was never too far away. He was quick to hurl an insult at her if she was without the boys, but other than that, he mainly just glared at her. He did not have the boldness of Draco Malfoy, but his dislike for her radiated off of him in waves. The feeling was mutual, so she tried not to focus on him too much. Hermione did, however, notice that he looked at Lily quite a bit, and it was not always in anger and disgust. When he thought he was undetected, there was frank hunger and longing in his gaze. Hermione thought she knew another reason Snape hated James, and vowed to never tell Harry her suspicions. She knew that despite his so-called "turn around," and regardless of whether he had been working under Dumbledore's orders, he had still been the cause of her headmaster's death. Hermione decided that just the basic fact that her future professor called her a mudblood - the same professor she often defended to Ron and Harry - was the icing on the cake. She liked the Marauders, but she hated 1976.

She would also be lying to herself if she didn't admit that she was somewhat jealous of Lily. Hermione liked Lily a lot - she had taken Hermione under her wing immediately, and had been extremely kind. She treated Hermione as if they had been friends for years, and Hermione enjoyed the pretty girl very much. Lily was funny and mischievous, but still took her school work seriously. After Ginny, she was easily the closest female friend Hermione had ever had. She _was _jealous, though. Although Hermione was well-liked by her classmates, she had started Hogwarts as a plain, bossy know-it-all and she doubted if Lily had endured as much trouble as Hermione. The absolute adoration James slathered on her was also a far cry from her and Ron's tumultuous relationship. Lily was pretty, bright and popular; Ginny Weasley's obvious forerunner. Frizzy hair and buck teeth were simply not in her vocabulary. The other boys were also extremely protective of her. Hermione knew her friendship with Harry and Ron was just as strong, but she couldn't help feeling a pang every time Lupin, Sirius or Peter flung their arms around Lily's shoulder or threatened to steal her away from James. They liked Hermione, sure, but it was not the same. Hermione was also envious of Lily's position of Head Girl, a privilege she had always secretly thought was in the bag. The downfall of Voldemort was far more important than her seventh year at Hogwarts, she knew; nonetheless, she was disappointed she would never get to be Head Girl.

Finally, she had one more problem she had not been counting on. Although she had known Lupin (_Remus_) and Sirius as adults, she had quickly altered her thinking to accept them as fellow teenagers. This had led to some slight awkwardness. The Marauders were under the impression that she had been dreaming about them for some time. This led to constant jokes, aided by their legitimate interest in the pretty, mysterious new girl. Sirius flirted outright with her, and she thought she had caught one or two looks from Lupin, too. And more than once her own mind had lingered on the werewolf. He was a lot like her - thoughtful, studious, loyal. Although quick to joke, he did not have James or Sirius's easy good humor. He was hardly the boss Hermione had been to Harry and Ron, but he did try to reign his friends in once in awhile. Hermione also knew that out of everyone, he was still the most suspicious of her and her dream story. Still, she had felt his eyes on her more than once, and she didn't think he was always thinking ill of her.

"Hermione!" Sirius shook her out of her reflections. It was late Friday night and she was sitting in the largely deserted Gryffindor common room with Lily and the boys. "Where'd you go? Dreaming about me again?"

"Hardly," Hermione sniffed. "Just wondering what our plans were for the weekend."

"Unfortunately, love, it's boys only."

"James!" Lily protested. "I thought we were going to Hogsmeade tomorrow!"

"Lily, have you checked the calendar?" Peter asked her. "You'll have to take Hermione to Hogsmeade. We'll be keeping Moony company. We have to start early."

"I forgot." Lily looked at Lupin sympathetically. "We'll bring you boys something back."

"Wonderful!" Hermione said. "I was hoping to get a little one on one time with Snape without you lot breathing down my neck."

"Ugh!" Sirius groaned. "Don't break my heart, Hermione. I might get hives if I saw you snogging Snivellus."

"Snogging! Ick, Slytherin germs! I was planning on hexing him!" Hermione laughed with the boys. Although she knew the boys looked forward to their full-moon adventures, Hermione got the feeling that Lupin did not like discussing his "furry little problem" in front of her, so she was eager to change the subject.

"So," said James. "If we can't hang out tomorrow, what say we make full use of tonight."

"What did you have in mind, Prongs?" Lupin asked.

"Perhaps a little Forbidden Forest tonight?"

Hermione used her best we-need-to-follow-the rules voice. "I don't think that's a very good idea, James. You'll be out tomorrow night; why press your luck with tonight, too? I've snuck out at night before and it usually doesn't end well. Filch-" She realized she had said too much.

"Hermione?" Lupin's voice was politely incredulous. "When did you sneak out at night and deal with Filch?"

"I didn't mean Filch," she tried to cover. "At Beauxbatons I snuck out with my friend a couple of times. We got caught by our caretaker."

Lupin raised an eyebrow, but didn't challenge her. "Well, you didn't have the Marauder's Map, did you? Hermione, we've been sneaking out for seven years now. We have never been caught. _Never_. C'mon."

Sirius joined in the needling. He crawled over to her and batted his eyes. "_Please_, Granger. You can't leave Evans alone with all these rough boys."

"Ha!" James said. "Hermione, you need to keep _them _busy while I spend a little quality time with my lady." He leered at Lily, who scoffed and pushed him away.

"Hermione, they never let me come with them on their late night activities," Lily said. "Let's do it!"

"That's five to one, Hermione," Peter chimed in.

"Are you a Gryffindor or not?" Sirius asked her.

She grinned at them. Although she was quick to shut down Harry and Ron's mischief, she was feeling a bit rebellious. What could happen to her anyway? She couldn't exactly get expelled, could she? And they did have the map, after all. She felt like she would be safe with the boys. "Okay, you're on. A lot of my dreams did take place in the Forest, after all."

"There you go!" Sirius flung an arm around her. "While we're out there, you can enact some of _my _dreams for me. I doubt they'll be as crowded with others as yours were. I'm thinking maybe just the two of us."

"Eww!" Hermione pushed him away, laughing, while James and Peter sniggered. She looked at Lupin. He wasn't laughing, and had his eyes narrowed at Sirius. When he noticed her watching him, he wiped his face of the expression and gave her a lopsided grin.

"Padfoot prides himself on being a gentleman," he told her gravely.

"Years of practice," Sirius agreed.

"Is that why I caught you looking down my robes the other day?" Lily said, eyes twinkling.

"What?" James shouted in mock outrage. He leapt at Sirius; moments later they were in heap, Lupin and Peter jumping into the fray as well. Hermione exchanged an amused smile with Lily. Once again, she was reminded of Harry and Ron. Her heart lurched at the thought of her friends. It flipped again when she remembered that one of these boys would betray the others, and two would die way too young. Sobered by the thought, she looked at Lily. Beautiful, carefree Lily, who had about five years to live.

_And I can't do anything about it._ Her good humor gone, Hermione climbed to her feet.

"What's the plan, gentlemen?" she asked. "Let's get this party started."

The boys looked surprised at the change in her voice, but decided to ignore it. "Meet us back down here in an hour," James answered her. "The last few stragglers will have gone to bed, and then the witching hour will be upon us."

"The witching hour is midnight," Hermione said matter-of-factly. "It's midnight now."

"Let's not get technical, Granger," Sirius said. "Any hour we're afoot is the witching hour. Okay, you two, go make yourself pretty and we'll see you in an hour."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, but linked arms with Hermione and started up to the girls' dormitory with her.

"Hermione? Are you okay? You seem a bit down all of the sudden."

Hermione looked into the beautiful green eyes of her best friend's doomed mother. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell her the truth, but she bit back her words. She had promised Dumbledore. Chaos and madness would follow her confession. Instead, she smiled at Lily and shook her head. She would simply have to be thankful for the gift she had been given to get to know this girl, in this time.

"I'm fine, Lily," she reassured her. "A bit nervous, is all. It'll be fun."

An hour later, she and Lily crept silently back down into the Gryffindor common room. They both wore dark jeans and jumpers, and had their long hair tied back. Hermione felt a bit like a muggle cat burglar, and she smiled at the image. The boys were waiting for them, huddled around the Marauder's Map.

"Okay, Filch is in the dungeons and Mrs. Norris is with him," said James. "Dumbledore's in his office and all the other professors are tucked away. We're going to take the passageway out to the Whomping Willow, and from there we can get to the Forest."

The girls nodded assent. Hermione felt a surge of excitement. Usually, she did not sneak out for fun; more often than not the Trio was on some dangerous assignment. Of course, the threat of expulsion had always been a pretty big deterrent as well. It was a new feeling to be actively taking place in something so very off-limits. It might be fun to be out-of-bounds for kicks alone.

Lupin cast Muffliato as soon as they exited the common room. Hermione grimaced at the spell but kept silent. Damn Snape and his tricky spells. Useful, though, she supposed in this case. She vowed never to let Harry hear her say that.

There was little whispering or joking as Hermione and Lily followed James, Lupin, Sirius and Peter out of the school and underneath the Whomping Willow. She watched as Peter changed himself into a rat (_Scabbers_, she thought bemusedly) and probed the tree into stillness. The five friends climbed out of the passageway and joined a now-human Peter. They continued in silence until they were safely (_Can you really be safe in the Forbidden Forest?_ she asked herself) amongst the dark trees.

"Let's agree to steer clear of the centaurs, shall we?" Sirius suggested. "Hermione, Lily, you stay with us the whole time."

Hermione wanted to scoff at the indication that they were defenseless females, but really, she had no desire to go prancing off by herself, so she nodded her concurrence. "Let's avoid the acromantulas, too,  
agreed?"

Lupin paled visibly. "There are acromantulas in here? Are you sure? I thought they were just a myth." He looked on the verge of panic.

"Oh, they're in here," Hermione answered him. Lupin was reminding her of Ron, a resemblance she tried to force out of her head. "Hagrid's friends with them, but they'll still get us. We just can't go too deep into the forest."

Lupin shuddered. "Yeah, let's stick to that plan." He didn't question where she got this knowledge.

"Scared of a little spider, Moony?" Sirius teased.

"Not a little spider, Padfoot," Lupin corrected him. "Little spiders I can handle. Giant ones, not so much, so let's just follow Hermione's advice."

"Good idea," said Peter, who was as white as Lupin. "Prongs, what's our destination, then?"

"No destination," said James. "We're just out for a moonlit stroll. Keep your eyes peeled." He took Lily's hand. She gave him a dazzling smile and they started walking ahead of the others, whispering to each other and looking like the world's happiest young couple. Hermione caught Sirius giving Peter a look, and Peter walked on in front of Hermione, Sirius and Lupin, still staying behind James and Lily. He looked a little dejected, but still pleased to be with his friends. She watched as Sirius gave Lupin a similar look. Instead of taking the hint, Lupin raised his eyes in challenge. Sirius smirked and shrugged. Hermione's cheeks burned and she tried to ignore the implications of what she had just witnessed. She walked with the two boys.

"Hermione, have you talked to Dumbledore anymore about your dreams?" Lupin asked, breaking the silence. "Any theories on why you were having them? Do you still have them?" Sirius also looked expectantly at her.

"Not yet, Lupin," she said. "He has some ideas, he said, but nothing definite. Still working on it. I remain in contact with my Divination Professor as well." Another bold-faced lie, of course, but what was she to do?

"I wish you would remember to call me Remus," he sighed. "Or at least Moony. I'm the only one you address by the last name."

Sirius smirked at this. "It's cause you're such an old man sometimes, Moony. Remember she called you Professor first. Lupin's a step-up, in my humble opinion."

Hermione stilled Lupin's response. "I'm sorry, Remus." The name still felt strange on her tongue, but she knew she would have to get used to using it. "I'll try to remember. I don't know why you were Lupin in my dreams, and not Remus, but I'll try to get it right." They shared a small smile and Hermione made a mental vow to _think_of him as Remus as well. He was not her Professor right now.

"Are you still having them?" Sirius asked, bringing them back.

"No, I'm not having them anymore," Hermione answered.

"Well, that makes sense," said Sirius. "Now that you've met your dream man in the flesh, what's the point?" He waggled his eyebrows at her as Remus made retching noises.

"Dream _men_, Sirius," Hermione corrected him. "Dream woman, too."

"Kinky, Granger," Sirius said.

"Why can Sirius call me Granger, but I can't call you Lupin?" Hermione pouted.

"We've already established that Padfoot has no class, Hermione," Remus said. "C'mon, let's go find Wormtail." He grabbed her hand and pulled her forward. Hermione felt a tingle at his warmth and closeness. When she looked up at him, he was staring right back at her. She shivered and pushed the feeling back down. Sirius caught up with them and the three friends reached Peter, who looked relieved to have some company. Moments later, they joined James and Lily and the six friends spent the rest of the night laughing and scaring each other silly.

They returned to Hogwarts at four in the morning and slipped quietly back to their rooms.

Hermione lay in her bed the next few hours, trying to block out the feel of Remus's hand in hers, and the way his hazel eyes bore into hers. She finally drifted into a troubled sleep, dreaming of spiders, werewolves and red hair.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP.**

Chapter 3

Hermione arose from bed around ten o'clock, awake but hardly refreshed. She was confused, to say the least. Her dreams had begun to fade as soon as she opened her eyes, but enough images remained to trouble her. She shoved the dreams back into her subconscious and slumped to the bathroom. Hermione showered and dressed quickly and met Lily in the common room by eleven. She was excited about spending the day alone with Lily, and was looking forward to her first Hogsmeade visit that would not include a trip to the Quidditch store. She was also a little relieved to be away from Remus and Sirius for the day. Last night had added to her suspicions about the boys.

"All set?" Lily asked her brightly. Hermione suspected Lily's sleep had been sweet and untroubled. It was odd - Voldemort already had great power and supporters in this time. The Death Eaters had been terrorizing the wizarding world for several years, and Hermione knew Lily, James and the rest of the Marauders would soon join Dumbledore and the Order. She suspected that Voldemort weighed heavily in the minds of all Hogwarts' students, but they talked very little of him. Perhaps they took the whole idea of "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" seriously.

"All set," Hermione answered. "Beautiful day, no creepy boys looking over our shoulder, and most of all no Quidditch store!"

"Hermione, do your friends at Beauxbatons talk incessantly about Quidditch, too?" Lily asked sympathetically. "I mean, I'm a fan and all, one can hardly date James Potter and not enjoy Quidditch, but it gets to be a little much."

"Ugh, I'm over Quidditch! It's _all _Harry, Ron and Ginny talk about. I appreciate that it's important to them, but studying is important, too!" She was on a roll. "I get excited about the games, I really do. But you don't get outstanding O.W.L.s on the Quidditch pitch! Youngest seeker in a hundred years blah blah blah. That's great, Harry, but how's your herbology grade? I'm proud of Ron, and everything, but it's not the only thing he has going for him. And I cannot stand those groupies that rally around. Lavender Brown is lucky I didn't hex her into next week when I caught her with Ron -" All the color went out of Hermione's face when she realized what had just happened.

Lily looked amused. "Hermione, tell me how you really feel. So that's a big thumbs down for Quidditch, no? Hmm, what else… Oh yeah - who is this Ron? Do you have a secret Beauxbatons boyfriend you haven't told us about? Oh, dear, what will Sirius and Remus think?"

The only thing redder than Hermione's face at that moment was her Gyffindor t-shirt. She thanked Merlin that apparently Lily's attention went to the Ron love and Quidditch hate, and not the incriminating details about her life. Hermione had spoken very little about her supposed Beauxbatons life, rightly worried that she may contradict herself and give something vital away. It wouldn't do for her to go off on another tangent like this. She was grateful this deluge had not occurred in front of Remus. Speaking of whom, it couldn't be a good sign, either, if Lily had noticed the boys' attention towards her.

"I don't think Sirius and Remus care about my love life," Hermione said, cheeks still warm. She didn't believe it, but she was determined to play dumb.

"You keep thinking that. So… Who's Ron?"

"Ron's my friend," she answered truthfully. "That's all right now. One day, maybe more, but things are complicated right now."

"Well, I don't imagine he was wild about you running off to Hogwarts to meet up with some strange guys, now was he?" Lily asked. "What did you tell him? Does he know about your dreams?"

"No, I didn't tell anyone except my Divination professor and Dumbledore. Top-secret information, after all," said Hermione. "I didn't exactly tell him I was leaving. I didn't really have time. I doubt he's thrilled, though."

"Probably not," said Lily dryly. "If you didn't tell him you were leaving… I don't think your immediate future with him is too terribly rosy, no offense."

"No, that's probably an understatement," said Hermione. "We'll work it out eventually." _I hope_. She mentally shook herself off and smiled at Lily. "But no more boy talk! I've never been to Hogsmeade." _Lie_! "I hear it's wonderful."

"You'll love it. Lots of bookstores," Lily said, eyes twinkling.

Two hours later Hermione and Lily were strolling leisurely down the main street in Hogsmeade. They had already visited Honeydukes and the Three Broomsticks. Hermione and Lily had loaded up on cockroach clusters, sugar quills, Chocolate Frogs and Fizzing Whizbees for the boys. Hermione blanched at the cockroach clusters.

"James loves them," Lily confided. "Can you imagine? It's completely disgusting, to say the least. I threatened to never kiss him again, but nothing can cure him of the addiction. It's sad when your boyfriend would rather eat a bug than kiss you. Where do we go from there?" she asked in mock distress.

Hermione laughed. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. Lily, you have that boy wrapped around your finger. You have _all _of those boys wrapped around your finger."

It was Lily's turn to blush. "They're great. _He's _great. Mind you, it hasn't always been love and pixies. James used to be a right git. Talk about Quidditch obsessed! His head was as big as a bludger. Ick. He's really grown up in the past two years. We all have."

"You two were made for each other," Hermione said truthfully. "You always seem so happy." She refused to tear up again. "I envy that."

"What about you and this Ron character?"

"Like I said, it's complicated. Ron and I are a slightly volatile match. Most of our conversations end in arguments." Hermione felt she was being simplistic and dismissive about her feelings for Ron, but she couldn't dwell on him right now. It hurt too much.

"Perhaps you should keep your options open, then," Lily teased. "I told you, Remus and Sirius will be very disappointed about Ron."

"I really think you're mistaken, Lily," Hermione protested. "Sirius is an outrageous flirt, I'll grant you, but I've noticed he's like that with a lot of girls."

"He is, but I do think he likes you, Hermione," Lily said.

Hermione shrugged and looked at her feet. This was too much. Hermione didn't want to bury her head in the sand, but neither did she want to encourage all of this talk. Hermione was reconciled to the idea that Sirius and Remus were different people than when she knew them, but really - as much as she liked the attention, she couldn't help but feel a tad uncomfortable that her best friend's godfather had the hots for her. His dead godfather at that. And as for Remus… Hermione's growing appreciation for her former professor was something she refused to think too much about.

"Just be careful," said Lily. "If you really have someone else you're interested in, tell them. Don't make a big production of it, just casually mention Ron. I wasn't kidding about either of them. Remus would never say anything, but I think his feelings are a bit more genuine than Sirius's."

"He's never indicated anything like that." _Also not entirely true_, she thought. "He doesn't trust me, either," Hermione protested. She was completely out of her element. What happened to a boy free day? Hermione knew Lily was only trying to help, but her feelings were too jumbled to for her to know what she wanted.

"I don't think that's true," Lily said. "Well, not entirely. It's a lot to swallow, Hermione. Don't get me wrong," she raised a hand against Hermione's protestations. "I believe you. You can't blame the boys for being cautious, though. It's a strange story."

"I know," Hermione said, sighing. "I don't know what I would think if I were in their position. Remus definitely doesn't believe me, though. I don't know what I can do about that."

"He'll come around," said Lily. "He might not be one hundred percent sure of your story, but he likes you anyway. Like I said, be careful."

Hermione nodded. She had no intention of mentioning Ron to the boys. Any information about her real life was bound to trip her up sooner or later. Frankly, she wanted to drop the subject. Romance was the last thing she needed. Even looking at Remus and Sirius sometimes felt like a betrayal of Ron.

She and Lily continued shopping for rest of the afternoon. Hermione bought a new copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ for this time period. The girls walked past the Hogs Head and towards the road home. Suddenly, Lily stopped and looked sheepishly at Hermione.

"You're going to kill me."

"What's wrong?"

"I just remember that I promised James I would get him a broomstick servicing kit," Lily said.

"No!" Hermione cried in mock horror. "I thought we had a no Quidditch agreement!"

"I know, I'm sorry," Lily apologized. "Look, wait here. I'll be twenty minutes, tops. You remain Quidditch free. I'll take one for the team."

Hermione laughed. "Okay. I'll wait in the Hogs Head for you."

"Ew," said Lily. "That place is kind of dodgy."

"Well, I have to prove myself as a Gryffindor, right?" Hermione smiled. "You go on, I'll be fine." Lily gave her a slightly skeptical look, but headed toward the Quidditch supply store without another word. Hermione entered the Hog's Head. She had been there only once, during the forming of the D.A., but it looked exactly the same. She even thought it was the same bartender. She ordered a gillywater and took a table in the back of the pub, near a door that was slightly ajar. She assumed it led to a storeroom.

Hermione sipped her drink, allowing her thoughts to drift to Harry and Ron. She hoped that they were still focusing on the Horcruxes and not on retrieving her. Although concerned that she was still in 1976 after more than two weeks, Hermione did believe Dumbledore would get her back in the end. She could not have Harry and Ron wasting their time on her. Deep in thought, she did not notice the handsome blond man who walked into the pub and over to her table.

"May I join you?" a cultured, horribly familiar voice asked. Startled, she looked up into pale gray eyes.

"Malfoy!" she gasped. How in the _hell _had that sneaky ferret followed her? She reached for her wand and realized she had handed it to Lily in the bookstore. _Idiot_!

"Have we met, Miss-?" Malfoy smiled, looking faintly puzzled. _Of course_, she thought, mentally slapping herself. This was _Lucius _Malfoy. He did look like Draco, but they were by no means identical. He was taller and more muscular than Draco, and his long hair was pulled back. Lucius looked to be twenty-five or so. He was wearing expensive robes and a smug expression. He looked very out of place in the Hog's Head, and Hermione realized with a start that he was probably a Death Eater by this time.

"You've been pointed out to me, Mr. Malfoy," she said coldly. "Please excuse me." Hermione rose from the table, but Malfoy blocked her way.

"Indeed? How flattering," he said. He didn't move from her path. Hermione knew that although Draco might be mostly talk, Lucius was another story. He was a dangerous man. "And who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

"No one you'd care to know," she said. There was no way she was giving Malfoy her name. "Nor do I have any desire to get better acquainted with you, sir. May I pass, please?"

"I wonder who's teaching manners at Hogwarts now," he said, his eyes flashing. "Surely that Muggle-loving old fool has taught you better than that? Here I am, attempting to be friendly, and I meet with such disdain. May I know who has besmirched my name to such a pretty young thing?"

"Does the fact that I'm muggle-born change your desire to get to know me?" asked Hermione. She knew it was a mistake to bait him, but she could not control her anger. She very much wanted to get away from him. "Get out of my way, Ferret."

Malfoy's eyes widened and his jaw tightened. He raised his wand and whispered a spell. In a flash, she was whisked into the storeroom she had noticed earlier. The door was now shut, with her and Malfoy inside.

"How dare you," he spat. His wand was raised at her and there was no other way out of the room. "You insolent little mudblood. Do you have any idea who I am?" He walked slowly toward her. Hermione backed up until she hit the wall. She was panting in fear, but she kept her head raised high. It was stupid to have provoked him, but she tried to remain as calm as possible. Surely Lily would be back soon.

"Perhaps I should teach you the etiquette you're so sorely lacking," Malfoy whispered. He towered before her. He reached down and tucked a curl behind her ear, his hand lingering at her cheek. She shivered at his touch and shrunk back further against the wall. "Imper-" Hermione was saved by the storeroom door opening. She looked up gratefully but her greeting of thanks caught in her mouth. It was Snape.

"Severus," Malfoy coolly greeted him. "You've interrupted my fun. I was just making a new acquaintance. Would you care to join our private party?"

Hermione looked wildly at the Slytherin. The expression on Snape's face was impossible to read. She refused to think about what might happen in this room. Silently, she pleaded with Snape to help her.

"This is Potter and Black's new whore," Snape said indifferently. "She came from Beauxbatons. The mudblood Evans will be coming back for her soon (_Was he _following _them_? she thought). Dumbledore has taken a special interest in her, and would no doubt notice her absence or any - _interference _with her."

"Pity," said Malfoy. "Well, mudblood, the pleasure was all mine. I hope we meet again. Perhaps when we have a little more time on our hands." Without another look at Hermione or Snape, he swept out the door.

Trembling, Hermione slid to the floor. She hated for Snape to see her like this, but she had no more control over her body. When the shaking subsided somewhat, she looked up at Snape. He was looking at her strangely, with a mixture of sympathy and disgust.

"Pull yourself together, Granger," Snape said. "I didn't think you were stupid enough to wander around by yourself. I think it goes without saying that I'd avoid Malfoy if I were you. Next time, he'll make sure he's not interrupted." He cast her one last imperious look before leaving. After a moment, Hermione calmed down and stood on still wobbly legs.

_Good advice, Snivellus_, she thought. _And Hermione, don't ever leave your wand again. _She walked slowly out the door, grabbed her bags and left the Hog's Head. Dodgy, indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP**

Chapter 4

Hermione did not tell Lily or the boys about her run-in with Malfoy at the Hog's Head. She was afraid they would confront Ferret Sr. and land themselves in hot water. She didn't want any more trouble from that disgusting excuse for a pureblood. Hermione couldn't ever remember feeling so out of control as she did in that room. Getting swept back to the past was "swish and flick" when compared to the Death Eater. Not even the battle at the Department of Mysteries had left her feeling so terrified. The adrenaline and nerve she usually felt when faced with danger had melted under the lascivious glare of Malfoy. Lucius had frightened her far more than Draco ever had. She had little doubt he would feature rather heavily in her nightmares from now on. She was also uncomfortable being in Snape's debt, and she knew the boys would not have seen him as a hero. No doubt they would view the whole thing as an elaborate set-up, with Snape as the orchestrator. They did not need much prodding to go after Snape. No, this was definitely information she would keep to herself. She doubted she would even tell Harry or Ron when the time came. The humiliation of being caught unarmed was almost as bad as the fear she had felt. As for Snape, she had no idea how he felt about the situation; he treated her with the same sneering indifference as always. She was still concerned that he had been following them in Hog's Head. His attentions towards Lily could not be a good thing, but as long as he left her alone and the boys remained unaware, she would leave it be. She would simply have to keep a closer eye on him.

The next two nights were still full moons, so Hermione was able to study and spend time with Lily. As the girls got closer, Hermione's guilt complex got bigger. It killed her to know that she was powerless to save this extraordinary girl. Although Hermione was focused on returning home, she was also reading into books that might give her an idea on how to save her new friends. Unfortunately, there were surprisingly few books on time travel in the Hogwarts library. Hermione refused to give up, but she was becoming more and more resigned to their fate. There just seemed to be nothing she could do. Hermione also used the boy-free evenings to try to clear her head of thoughts of Remus. She had seen little of him since Friday; he used the days after his transformations to rest and regroup. She was troubled by how much she missed him, how used to his company she was becoming.

The boys were in high spirits after their full-moon adventures. Tuesday evening the moons were behind them and they were eager to recount their mischief and spend time with Lily and Hermione.

"And then Prongs ran straight at the centaur!" Peter told them eagerly. "I was sure they were going to kill him!"

"Merlin, James," Lily said, sighing. "I need to you actually live a little bit longer."

"Ahh, they're total bullies," said James. "Our forest, blah blah blah. I'm not scared of them. In animagus form, anyway."

"You told us to avoid them the other night! Hypocrites, all of you. You're lucky they don't tattle to Dumbledore or Hagrid," said Hermione.

"Nah, they don't like to get too involved in our business," Remus said. "Plus I think they're a little wary of me. We avoid them when we can, of course."

"Of course."

"Let's not bore the girls anymore with tales of our debauchery," Sirius said, winking at Hermione. "Ladies, we are yours again. I know you missed our time together, but fear not - you have a whole month of uninterrupted Marauder time in front of you,"

"Great, Padfoot," Remus sighed. "Now you'll have them hiding for the next month. Hermione, don't listen to him. You can have one hour without us every other week."

She smiled, meeting his eyes. She found herself staring into them more than was probably wise. They were just so warm and inviting, it was hard to look away sometimes.

"Speak for yourself, Moony," said Sirius. "I plan on shrinking Hermione so I can keep her in my pocket all the time." He winked at her. Clearly, her reluctance to flirt back with him had little to no effect on him. If anything, it made him more brazen. Hermione wondered more than once if Sirius really had any interest in her or just teased her to take the piss out of Remus. Was it a game? She found it hard to believe that such close friends would ever argue about a girl. Hermione could only guess at his motivation. Of course, it was entirely possible, she supposed, that the shift in time had given her a bigger opinion of her charms than was warranted. Hermione was not entirely innocent. She had enjoyed Viktor Krum's attentions and shy kisses and had blatantly used Cormac McLaggen to make Ron jealous. So far, she and Ron had shared only one mind-blowing kiss, and she was very much looking forward to the next one - if there ever was one. So while she was not a complete novice when it came to boys, she was hardly experienced. More than anything, she was confused. Was she misinterpreting the friendly attention she was receiving? She thought of Lily's advice when James spoke again.

"Hermione, I think you slipped some Amortentia into Padfoot's pumpkin juice," he said. "I thought old Slughorn only gave out his best potions to Lily. Did you charm him, too?"

It was not possible for Hermione to be any redder. Peter and James were laughing openly at her, Lily was smiling faintly and Remus had a completely uncatagorizable look on his face. Sirius nodded.

"It's true, Prongs," he said. "I've been bewitched. No pun intended. Our dream lady has stolen my heart."

Hermione could not speak. The longer she sat there looking mortified, the more hilarious James and Peter seemed to find the situation. Sirius's predatory smile got wider and wider.

Lily finally came to her defense. "Knock it off, Sirius. Hermione's used to French boys. They romance with poetry, moonlight and roses. You're coming off like a complete ass."

"Oh, settle down, Evans," Sirius said. "You know Moony has the market cornered on moonlight. Besides, Granger knows I'm just kidding." He winked at her again.

"Right," Hermione said. "I have to go now."

"Hermione!" James protested. "C'mon, don't take Padfoot so seriously."

"Difficult, when that's his name," Hermione mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing," said Hermione. "It's fine. Whatever. I know he's teasing. I wish I could figure out when I warrant a Hermione, and when I just get a Granger, though."

Sirius smiled and shrugged. "You never know how the mood is going to strike me. Would you prefer Miss Granger?"

"Yes, and curtsey when you say it," said Hermione. Her cheeks had cooled, but she was still embarrassed. _Had _he only been teasing this whole time? Granted, he had been a little over-the-top, but she had assumed if she showed any interest he would have jumped on her. Thank God she hadn't responded to any of his advances. She would have looked like an idiot. She certainly hadn't had these problems in her real time. She shuddered to think what Harry and Ron would think if she told them she had been propositioned by "Snuffles." She doubted their reaction to Professor Lupin would be much better. What would Tonks think? God, she had problems. "I really do have to go, though."

"Hermione, don't go just because Padfoot has no couth," said Remus, finally speaking.

"I'm not," she said. "I know what he's like. Remember, I had a long time to get used to Sirius in my dreams." Peter let out a loud wolf whistle, and even Sirius blushed for once. "Anyway, I'm going to the library. I need to look some things up for Dumbledore."

"More theories?" Remus asked. He was not smiling.

"Something like that," she said. She rose to her feet and left the common room, still discomfited from the discussion. She would not make the mistake of believing Sirius again.

"Padfoot, you asshole!" Remus shouted as soon as she was out of earshot. "Why are you being like this?"

"Moony, I told you, if you don't go after her, I will," said Sirius. "You like her. Do something about it."

"I don't trust her. Not yet," said Remus.

"Who exactly do you think she is, Moony?" asked James. "I admit, her story is far-fetched, to say the least. I just don't think she means us any harm. Do you remember how surprised she was when she saw us? She probably did dream us up, or had a vision or something. I like her, Moony. Lily likes her. Wormtail likes her. Sirius would bang her. He'd also back off, if you told him to."

"That's not my place to do so," Remus protested. "She's not my girlfriend."

"She could be," said Sirius.

"Then why are you chasing after her?" he finally exploded. "If you think I like her, why are you always flirting with her? I can't compete with you, Padfoot."

Lily looked distinctly uncomfortable. It was ludicrous to her that they were fighting over a girl they barely knew. It wasn't that she didn't think Hermione was good enough for them; she did. She actually thought Hermione and Remus would make a great couple. Lily just didn't know how long Hermione was planning on staying at Hogwarts, or what she had planned. She was pretty sure Hermione had never mentioned Ron to the boys, either. She didn't know what to do with that information.

"You only think that you can't," Peter said. "Plenty of girls like you, Moony. You won't get too close to anyone because of your furry little problem."

"What am I supposed to do? Raise puppies?"

"Hermione already knows your story, Moony," Sirius said. "Don't you see? That makes it perfect! She knows you're a werewolf, and it doesn't bother her. She's smart, pretty, funny - what more do you want?"

"I don't want to feel like I'm being lied to every second of every day," said Remus. "We've known this girl for three weeks. Suddenly she's our best friend? I think we're getting too close to her."

"I think you're afraid of getting too close to her," Lily said. "I don't know what your feelings for Hermione are, and I don't know how she feels, either. I think its possible that there could be something there. Obviously the way you're acting around Sirius gives you away. She's at a new school, caught in an odd situation. We're strangers to her, but she feels like she knows us."

"She doesn't," Remus said.

"No, she doesn't," Lily agreed. "But she wants to. If you want her, you're going to have to give in a little bit. If you don't, Sirius should feel free to snatch her up."

Remus felt like they were all ganging up on him. He had never felt about a girl the way he did for Hermione. His life had made him leery of new people. When he came to Hogwarts, he was scared and isolated, and he had envisioned seven long lonely years. When James and Sirius, two bright, popular wizards, had befriended him, he felt reborn. Shy, eager-to-please Peter rounded out the group, and the boys brought out the best (and worst) qualities in each other. The Marauders' friendship meant everything to him. They completed him, gave him an identity separate from 'werewolf.' When James finally convinced Lily to date him, Remus had been both relieved and jealous. He knew James was over the moon for Lily, and she was a kind, brilliant witch, one he was grateful to know. On the other hand, Remus's lupine nature made it impossible, from his standpoint, to pursue any sort of romantic liaisons of his own. Hermione was the first witch who really made him rethink that decision. Her wild, caramel colored curls and bottomless eyes had featured rather heavily in his own dreams lately. He didn't think he was crazy to imagine she felt something for him, too.

"Moony," Sirius said quietly. "I really only flirt with Hermione so you'll get mad and go after her. A little passive-aggressive, I grant you. We all think you two would be tops. I agree you should proceed with caution, of course. You're right, we barely know her. Here's your chance to change that. I _will _pursue her if you don't, though. She's super-cute. If I have any inkling you're not going to make a move, I'll finish what I started in the Forbidden Forest."

"Is that blackmail, Padfoot?" Remus asked, incredulous.

"Maybe."

"Merlin's balls! What are you guys doing to me?" Remus yelled, throwing up his hands.

"We're getting you a lady friend, Moony," Peter replied. "Even I've had the odd Hufflepuff. Making out with that Ravenclaw during Truth or Dare does not constitute a love life. You're going to need a date for Lily and Prongs's wedding, after all."

"Shut up!" Lily and James screeched, both looking ridiculously pleased despite their protests.

"Oh, it's happily ever after for you two," Peter said, without a trace of irony. If Hermione had still been in the room to hear that, it was very likely she would have gone over the edge and revealed all. Instead, Lily and James smiled dopily at their friends. They still believed in fairytales.

"Back to Moony," said Sirius. "We already know these two will be having pretty little antlered babies soon. We need to focus on Professor Moony and Hermione. I'm telling you, you're operating within a time limit. I can only hold off for so long. I could have puppies too, Moony." He smirked.

"Lord above," Remus sighed. "If I _do _ask her out, I want you to stop with the perverted comments, Padfoot."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen," Sirius said. "I'll definitely cut back, though."

"What's it going to be, Moony?" James asked.

"Fine!" Remus said, throwing up his hands. "I'll ask Hermione out. Tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

Remus stood slightly behind a bookcase, looking at her. He didn't want to alert her to his presence quite yet; he simply enjoyed watching her. He loved the way she wrinkled her nose when she read, and the way she wound that soft hair around her fingers. Hermione Granger was the most appealing girl Remus had ever encountered. Lily was beautiful, smart and funny, but she had none of Hermione's wistfulness, none of her mystery. No other Hogwarts student compared to her. Hermione had an air of sadness and loss around her, even when she joked and laughed. Remus, who had his own demons, was drawn to her. He wanted to grab her and kiss away the tears he felt were always just about to fall. He wanted to lose himself in those deep chocolate eyes, wanted to run his hands through that impossibly thick, wonderful hair - but he didn't. That would come later. For now, he _still _didn't trust her, nor did he fully trust himself around her. He needed more time.

He stood watching her a moment longer, until she looked up, feeling his gaze. Her eyes lit up and her mouth curled into a welcoming smile. He heart lurched at her reaction to him. She looked beautiful, and genuinely happy to see him. A killer combination.

"Hermione," he greeted her, sliding into the chair next to her. "Fancy meeting you here."

"It is a bit of a stretch. I'm not generally known as the scholarly type." Hermione grinned at him. She spent almost as much as time in the library now as in her own time. The Marauders teased her endlessly about this.

"Oh? So that _wasn't _a copy of _Hogwarts, a History _you needed to buy in Hogsmeade?" he asked.

"That must have been Lily's copy. I swear, all she does is read that book. It gets a bit boring. It's not like she hasn't already memorized the past headmasters." Remus laughed. Hermione was able to pass her enthusiasm for the book off on wanting to know everything possible about her new school. The boys were as understanding of this quirk as Ron and Harry had been. In short, it was amusing, but annoying, too. Hermione had been a bit uncomfortable around the boys after Sirius's teasing the night before, but since they were acting unchanged, she would, too. She was glad Remus had joined her.

"Are you actually doing homework, or is this more of your dream research?" Remus asked. "A little of both," said Hermione. In truth, she was reading about time travel, but she obviously couldn't share that with Remus.

"In your dreams, were you always with us, or were you more of an observer?" He was interested in her story. True or not, he thought it would be very telling.

"A little of both for that, too," she replied. "At first, I was with your animagus forms. I can't really remember what we were doing, but it must have been fun."

"Fun?" he asked. "Weren't you ever afraid of me? A werewolf's a bit different from a rat."

_How true_, she thought ruefully. _This werewolf's a lot better than that rat._

"No," she said aloud. "I've never been afraid of you." This was far from true. She had been plenty afraid in third year, that night outside the Shrieking Shack, but it was a necessary lie. She felt safe with him now.

"Then you're stupid," he said darkly. "If you ran into me during a full moon, I'd hurt you."

"I know," Hermione said honestly. "But it wouldn't be you."

"It _is _me, though," said Remus. "It's part of who I am. That's never going away."

"No," Hermione agreed. "But you can't control that. It's not the real you."

"Sometimes I think it is."

"I don't believe that. Neither do you. Give me some credit, Remus. I have no intention of inviting you for tea during a full moon. You have no reason to be worried or embarrassed. I know you're a werewolf. Your friends know you're a werewolf. Dumbledore does, too. We all like and trust you. That's all that matters."

Remus's cheeks burned. Of course she was right. His friends had risked expulsion for him - probably even Azkaban. Still, his friends were not the pretty witch sitting beside him. He could not help thinking Hermione would - and should - shun him.

"And a werewolf's not that bad, anyway," she said, teasing him. "You could be a troll or something. I'm not too fond of trolls."

"I'll keep that in mind. I'll be sure to use you as a character reference when I'm being pursued by a bloodthirsty mob, too."

"They'd just be jealous. You know, there have been occasions when I've been described as a 'long-molared mud blood.' We can't take these things personally." She smiled at him, displaying her perfect teeth. Who would insult that smile?

"Was it Snivellus?" he asked, ready to hex him at first sight. His blood boiled at the thought of that slimy git saying such a thing to Hermione.

"No, but they are similar," she replied. "Replace dark greasy hair with over-styled blond, and an overlarge nose with one permanently stuck in the air. That should give you a clear picture of him. Just as big a jerk as Snape, too."

"Lucius Malfoy?" Remus asked incredulously. "How do you know him?"

It was Hermione's turn to go red. _Careful_, she thought. _Don't blow your cover_. Her stomach lurched at the thought of Malfoy and his cruel, taunting smile.

"No, he went to Beauxbatons," she covered. "I don't know anyone named Malfoy."

"You're lucky," said Remus. "Real nasty piece of work. You described him pretty accurately, so God forbid if there are more out there like him. He's married to Padfoot's cousin.

_Of course_! Hermione had forgotten the Black connection. _You'll be involved with Sirius's cousin one day, too_, she thought wistfully. The thought of Tonks gave her an unexpected pang of jealousy. She really needed to get her head straight.

"Too bad for Sirius," she said lightly, trying to act normal. "Snape did call me an insufferable know-it-all once, though. You can hex him for that."

"Done," Remus said.

Hermione laughed. _You have that coming, Snivellus_.

"So are you any closer to deciphering your dreams?" Remus asked, returning to her work.

"Not really," Hermione said. "I've been studying books on dreams, prophecies and visions, but nothing really helpful. I don't think we've been linked through a spell, either." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Does it matter?" he asked suddenly. He realized that he didn't care if she was lying or not, or how she had come to him. The knowledge hit him like a bolt of lightning. _It didn't matter_. All that mattered was that she was here, and he wanted her.

"What do you mean?"

"You're here. You found us. We're happy you're here," he said shyly. "Does it matter why? I think we should just be grateful." This was the exact antithesis of everything Remus had been saying since Hermione got here, but he realized it was the truth. Perhaps he had just been fighting his attraction to her.

For a moment, Hermione _was _grateful. She had been given a tremendous gift to be here. Meeting James and Lily, experiencing Remus and Sirius as teenagers - it was extraordinary. She valued her new friendships. They had welcomed her and she was continually amazed at how easy it was to be with them. However, the guilt she felt that she could not change their fates threatened to erupt all the time. Keeping the secret was taking its toll on her. She missed Ron and Harry terribly. She was afraid that her burgeoning feelings for Remus would confuse things with Ron. It added up to one tremendous mess. Yes, she was grateful. But she could not stop trying to get home.

"You're right," she said, burying her other feelings for now. "I am glad I met you." They smiled dopily at each other. He really did have the nicest smile.

"I hope Sirius didn't embarrass you too badly last night," he said, abruptly switching the subject. "You left in a hurry."

"Er, not too bad," Hermione said, blushing. "I knew he was teasing. I mean, he started practically the first day I was here, so…"

"He does like to give pretty girls a hard time," Remus said. His cheeks were as pink as Hermione's. "He likes to rile up their boyfriends, too. He was merciless to James before he started dating Lily. Not much better now, come to think." Remus looked down. The strong implication that Sirius was goading Hermione because Remus liked her hung in the air between them. "Are you disappointed?"

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Because he would go out with you, if you're interested," he said, still avoiding her eyes. "I mean, if you're disappointed because you thought he really liked you, I know that he would be interested, if you are."

"No!" Hermione said quickly. "I'm not interested in Sirius that way." Sirius was handsome and charming, but the idea of snogging her best friend's godfather - well, the more Hermione thought about it, the weirder it got. She should feel the same way about her former professor, but she didn't.

"Good," Remus grinned, his whole face lighting up. "Padfoot doesn't need any more girls making his head big."

"Oh?" she said, raising an eyebrow. "And who does need a bigger head?" She was flirting with danger now, blatantly encouraging him. What in the hell was wrong with her? She was defenseless against those hazel eyes and lop-sided grin.

"I do," he said boldly, meeting her eyes. Hermione flushed again. There was no turning back now. He had just stated his interest in her. He appeared as shocked at his statement as she was, but Hermione could see he was glad he said it. She saw his resolve strengthen in front of her. "Let's get out of here."

Wordlessly, Hermione took his outstretched hand. She muttered a quick spell, pointing her wand over her shoulder; her books flew back onto the shelf. Remus was looking hungrily at her, and she had the feeling the same look was reflected in her eyes. She felt out of control, as she had in Hogsmeade with Lucius, but now her fear was mingled with excitement and desire. She _was _afraid - afraid she was making a huge mistake, one from which she would never recover. There was that guilt, too. Ron's face flashed before her eyes as she allowed Remus to lead her out of the library. If - when - she returned home, what was she going to tell Ron? How would she ever look Remus in the face again? This wasn't her! Hermione started to pull back at last, started to come to her senses, until she saw where Remus was taking her.

"The Room of Requirement?" she squeaked.

"You know about this room?" he asked, his face hot with her close proximity.

"I've heard about it."

"Convenient, at times," Remus remarked as the door appeared before them. Before Hermione could protest - _would _she have protested? - he pulled her into the room behind him. The light was dim and Hermione could not see any furniture, only blankets and cushions. She realized the light was coming from a crackling fire, which encased the room in a warm, rosy glow. The intimacy of the scene shocked her; it screamed seduction. _This _is what he conjured for them?

"Remus I don't think -" And then his lips were on hers as he swallowed her protests and took away her breath. He pulled her flush against him, winding his hands in her hair and devouring her with an animal hunger. Hermione responded eagerly, pulling him even closer and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He dragged his lips from her mouth, trailing kisses on her neck, her ears, everywhere he could reach. Hermione moaned and pulled his mouth back to hers. His fingers left her hair and started pulling at her blouse. His scorching hands rubbed circles on her belly and inched up her side. Alarmed, she finally pushed away from him. She stared at him, gasping for breath and straightening her clothes.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," he panted. His eyes were wide, as if surprised at his brazenness. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to -"

"It's okay," she said. "Maybe we should go back to the common room."

"I'm really sorry," he said again. "I've just wanted to do that for a long time. I didn't mean to come on so strong."

"You didn't," Hermione reassured him. "Really. I mean, that was pretty incredible."

"Yeah, it was," he said, looking into her eyes again. She could see flecks of gold in them. He had such beautiful eyes…

She mentally shook herself. _Stay on track, girl, or you're going to wind up on those cushions. _

"Maybe this just isn't the best place for right now" she said aloud.

"You're right," he said sheepishly. "I got a little carried away. Lily said something about studying in the common room tonight. Let me take you back to her. I want to have a chat with Padfoot."

Hermione allowed Remus to lead her back out of the Room of Requirement. Her mind was a jumble. She loved Ron. She knew this beyond a shadow of a doubt. It wasn't a brotherly, friends-only love, either. It was fiery, passionate and true. But Hermione found herself wanting Remus, too. That kiss… She knew that she wanted a repeat. Soon. It came down to Ron and Remus. What was she going to do about this?


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All HP belongs to JKR**

"You must spill every detail. I don't care that we're grown women. I want to hear everything - where you went, what it was like, do you like him, what about Ron? Hermione, I need details! And a diagram, if you can manage it. Right now, please." Lily looked at Hermione expectantly. Hermione had to laugh; Lily was really channeling Lavender and Parvati.

"We just kissed, Lily. It's not that big a deal," Hermione lied. It was a very big deal, of course. Hermione doubted that Umbridge herself could cause the trouble that Hermione was in right now.

"Not a big deal?" Lily asked incredulously. "Are you mad? I don't think Moony's ever liked a girl before, Hermione. I'm completely serious. I was even wondering, just a little bit, mind you, if he might not be the teeniest big gay."

"Lily!"

"Well, I did! Okay, I guess not really, but there have been plenty of girls who've been interested. Sirius is the heart-breaker, but Remus has had a few admirers as well. I know he's paranoid about the whole werewolf thing -"

"Imagine!" Hermione said dryly

"But werewolf doesn't equal eunuch," Lily continued. "If you kissed, it's a big deal."

Hermione's heart sank at Lily's words. She had already know that Remus was not taking his interest in her lightly. She had only to remember that amazing kiss to confirm this. Still, hearing Lily put it all so bluntly… It wasn't that Hermione was taking him lightly, either. Her feelings for him were genuine. But this was not her time. Someone - Ron, Remus, Hermione, quite likely all three - was going to get hurt. Period. She'd had a chance to keep things simple; it was not like he'd forced his affections on her. But she had been weak, and now the stakes were much higher. _Whatever happens, it's your own fault. Remember that, Granger, _she thought ruefully.

"Hermione," Lily sighed. "You must give me something."

Hermione looked at Lily. Her green eyes were bright with anticipation. _What the hell_, she thought. _I can't exactly take it back. I might as well give her a little thrill. It certainly was a kiss to brag about._

"Fine," Hermione said, with a small smile. "You want details, I'll give you minutiae. We were talking in the library, about nothing really, just chatting, and I guess he admitted he liked me -"

"You guess?"

"Can I tell the story?"

"Go on."

"Anyway, we were talking about Sirius, and whether I liked him, and when I assured him I didn't, he was pretty happy." Hermione found she was enjoying this girly play by play. "Then he took me to the Room of Requirement."

"Whoa."

"And he kissed me. I kissed him back. We came back here and you immediately started grilling me."

"That's all? That's all I get? Hermione, that's not minutiae, that's a summary. And a rubbish one at that. How was the kiss?"

"Incredible," Hermione said truthfully.

Lily squealed, throwing her hands up in the air, victory-style. Hermione laughed again. Hermione had experienced her fair share of boy talk with Ginny, and one could hardly avoid it rooming with Parvati and Lavender. But it still tickled her to see Lily get so excited about her romance _(It's not a romance! _she thought furiously) with Remus. She knew Lily and Remus were close - it was only natural that she would be interested. It was funny, though, to see Harry's mother act like such a teenager. Every moment she spent with the charming witch made her more and more real to Hermione.

"What now?" Lily asked.

"I don't know. It happened so fast, I've barely had time to process everything, despite the dramatic retelling. He said he needed to talk to Sirius and he brought me back here."

"I guarantee you he's got the three of them in their dorm, telling Sirius hands off and giving the boys all the details. They're no different than we are, you know. James is a hopeless romantic. A bit of a scoundrel, yes, but a complete sap nonetheless. Honestly, he gave lovesick puppies a bad name before I agreed to go out with him. Lucky for him his ego deflated enough for me to see that side of him."

Hermione giggled, thinking of Harry's reaction to this.

"Well," Lily said, turning the conversation back," do you like him?"

"Of course I like him."

"There's a huge 'but' in there," said Lily. "Is it Ron? Really, Hermione, I warned you about this!" Hermione blinked at Lily's change of tone. A lecture was coming, and deservedly so. "You cannot lead him on. If you have that other boyfriend, you have to come clean before it's too late. He'll be upset, sure, but it'll be a lot better coming now before it goes any further. Do you want to go further?"

"I don't know!" Hermione said miserably. "Yes, I do, but also no. I just don't know what to do. It's not Ron. I mean, obviously that's part of it. I can't really say Ron's my boyfriend, though, more like pre-boyfriend, or maybe-someday-boyfriend, or - that's not the point! Honestly, Ron's not the issue. Not really."

"Another boy _should _be an issue, Hermione," Lily said, raising her eyebrows. Her excitement certainly had faded a bit. "I know you're young and free, but -"

"Lily! That's not what I mean. Honestly, don't make me out to be some sort of, of - scarlet woman!" Hermione choked on the words. Thank Merlin Ron wasn't around to hear her use that phrase. Lily stifled a laugh at Hermione's earnestness. "I just mean my issues with Remus are more complicated than just whether I like him more than Ron or not. Remember why I came here? I still have this whole dream thing to work out. I don't know how long I'll even be here!"

"Dreams or not, you're here to stay, Hermione," Lily said, firmly, beginning to thaw again. "I need you to balance these crazy boys. Figure out what you want, and fast. As much as I like you, I'll not have you trifling with Remus's heart."

"I know."

X X X X

"Color me impressed, Moony," Sirius said. "The Room of Requirement on your first date. Tres scandale."

"Shove it, Padfoot," Remus said, grinning. "Really now, you all know I'm a perfect gentleman."

"I don't know if _virgin _is the same as gentleman, but okay," said Peter.

"Well, if it is, you must be the finest gentleman in Britain, Wormtail," said James, raising his eyebrows at him. "I wasn't aware you'd reached the rascal level yet."

"Whoa whoa whoa," said Sirius. "Unless someone's been majorly holding out, I think it's safe to say we're all the chivalrous type." The boys exchanged sheepish smiles. "However, our collective and embarrassing lack of sexual misadventures is not the point. The point is, our fine friend Moony has decided to stop being a puppy and start living life as a wolf." He let out a long howl.

"You're an idiot, said Remus, still grinning. "I've always been a wolf. I'm loads more imposing than your flea-bitten doggie, anyway. So, you don't have a problem with me and Hermione?"

"Of course not," Sirius said, slapping him on the back. "I couldn't be happier. Granger's a doll, but she's hardly my type, if you get right down to it. Bit of a bookworm. I mean, yeah, I'd snog her, but then where would it go?" He ducked as Remus punched his arm. "Besides, we've always followed the Marauder's Code: 'Thou shalt not covet thy fellow animagi's woman.' What kind of best friend would I be if I begrudged you a brainy brunette? I'm just glad you finally made a move. You don't know how long she'll be here, Moony. Time's a-wastin'."

Remus acknowledged Sirius's words with a slight nod and smiled some more at his friend. Really, why had he been so touchy about the whole thing? Obviously Sirius would have never made a play for a girl Remus liked. He felt a bit stupid for being so concerned.

"So what does this mean for you two now?" James asked. "You know she's regaling Lily with all the gory – I mean lovely – details as we speak. Don't start showing me up, Moony. I don't want Lily thinking she got the rubbish boyfriend."

"Well, unless I spend the next seven years worshipping her blindly, I think there's little chance of that, Prongs. I'd have to write her about fifty love and Quidditch poems in the next week, too. I don't know what's next. More snogging, I hope."

"I assume you came to terms with your trust issues," Sirius said.

"I did," said Remus. "I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth anymore. Honestly, could there be a better girl for me? She might not grow fangs in the moonlight, but she's as close to perfect as I can ever hope to find. Until she betrays us horribly to the Death Eaters, I'm keeping an open mind."

"There's the spirit!" cried Peter. "Always look on the bright side, Moony. When that day comes, you'll owe us all a big 'I told you so.' Meanwhile, enjoy your new – is girlfriend jumping the snitch a bit?"

"It is," said James. "One kiss does not a girlfriend make. You need two, at least."

"In that case, I have about five girlfriends right now," Sirius smirked. "I have a sixth one planned for tomorrow after lunch."

"Thank Merlin Hermione didn't want to join your harem," said Remus. Nothing Sirius had said so far could wipe the grin from his face. He hadn't been this happy since Peter had finally made the transformation to rat and rounded out their full moon gang.

"Our newest Gryffindor seems like more of a one-man woman," said James. "Just keep Padfoot away from the Polyjuice Potion and you'll be all set. Wormtail, too, come to think."

"Hey!"

"That's not a bad idea, Prongs," said Sirius. "I wonder if Lily would be able to tell the difference. All I need is the Marauder's Map to make sure you'll be well out of the way. I'll splash some Eau to Quidditch Stench on, and she'll be none the wiser."

"Inadvisable," said James. "I might be forced to gore you with my antlers. What would your fickle followers think if you weren't quite so pretty?"

"I can bite a lot harder," said Sirius, snapping his teeth. "I am telling Lily you think I'm pretty, though. Alright, no Polyjuice-induced liaisons. I can't brew the bloody stuff anyway."

"I'm sure Snivellus has a secret store," said Peter. "Perhaps if you ask nicely?"

"That reminds me, I'm mad at him," said Remus. "More so than usual, that is. He's been rude to Hermione."

"Shocker."

"Extra hex, I think, Prongs. I'd love to do it myself, but I'd hate to deny you the opportunity," Remus said. "Head Boy's gone to your – well, head. You need to get back in the Snape-baiting game."

"I didn't think you went for all that, Moony," said Sirius.

"Well, I must defend my fair lady."

"You mean you must get me to defend her," said James. "Fine, but don't expect me to enjoy it. Snape's become a close friend. I'm thinking of replacing Sirius with him as my future best man."

X X X X

It was well after midnight when Hermione and Lily finished their talk. She felt a little better, but was still shocked at her reckless actions. She made a firm decision with herself to nip her blossoming romance in the bud. She didn't want to hurt Remus, but it would hurt him a lot more if she allowed his attentions to continue and then disappeared. She hinted as much to Lily, who merely cautioned her to use extreme tact and grace. She also told Hermione to get a good night's sleep before she made any rash decisions. Hermione agreed, but quickly realized sleep was not forthcoming. After tossing and turning for an hour, she arose from bed and crept downstairs into the common room. She was well versed in late night studying, and it was best to conduct her time turner research away from prying eyes.

Hermione settled on the couch in front of the fire, and opened one of her books. She was reading for some time when she heard a creek behind her. She whipped around, wand trained, and froze when she saw Remus. He was wearing pajama pants and nothing else. Her eyes widened at his muscular chest and she blushed furiously. _Calm down, Hermione. Keep your wits about you. This is hardly the first half-naked man you've seen. First half-naked professor, yes, but you've seen Harry lots of times after Quidditch practice. Ron, Fred and George, too. _She gulped. Somehow, these comparisons (_even Ron_) were paling in front of the handsome Gryffindor before her.

"Hey," he said, smiling. "I didn't think anyone would be up. I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I'm glad to see you."

"Me too," she squeaked. Blushing again, she cleared her throat. "I have trouble sleeping, too. Lily kept me up late, and then I couldn't sleep."

"Lily kept you past your bedtime? Whatever were you talking about?" he asked with innocent eyes.

"Same thing you, Sirius, James and Peter were discussing, no doubt," she smiled back at him. _Damn! What happened to let him down gently but firmly? Don't let him distract you, Granger_.

"Really?" Remus sat down on the couch, sliding close beside her. His fingers grazed her arm, raising goosebumps.

"Uh huh," she managed.

"And what was that again?"

Her mouth was dry. He was looking at her with heavy lidded eyes, the fire making the gold flecks in his eyes sparkle and dance. When did Professor R.J. Lupin turn into a master seducer? She was quickly losing control of herself again.

"I was telling her about our kiss," she admitted. His fingers were making lazy circles on her bare shoulders and he slid, if possible, even closer to her.

"And what did you tell her?"

"I told her it was amazing."

It took less than a second for him to crash his lips to hers again, leaning into her and pushing her back onto the couch. Her hands roamed his chest as his found their way to her hair again. She could feel a bulge in his pants, and wantonly she pulled him closer, reveling in the feel of his lips on hers. His kisses got more frantic as he moaned against her. After what seemed like hours, she finally pulled away, pushing him up and off of her. She stared at him, mesmerized by his swollen lips and tousled hair. He was staring back at her with lust and hunger, making every part of her tingle.

With a sigh of regret, she kissed him softly on the lips and rose from the couch. "I'm going back upstairs. A cool shower, perhaps. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Of course. I have my own appointment with some freezing cold water," Remus smiled and climbed to his feet as well. He kissed her forehead and touched her cheek. "You look beautiful in firelight, by the way." He turned and climbed the stairs to the boys' dorm, giving her one last shy smile before he was out of sight.

_Merlin. This isn't good. _


	7. Chapter 7

Snogging in a secret passageway was _not _what Hermione had in mind with her "let him down gently" plan. And yet, there she was, sharing fevered kisses and increasingly frantic gropes with her favorite former professor. _This is wrong on so many levels_, she thought dazedly, not for the first time. _Tonks is going to kill me. Harry and Ron are never going to speak to me again. Mrs. Weasley's already shaky opinion of my morals is going to completely crumble. I'm never going to hear the end of this from Fred and George. This is so, so - oh, what is he doing now? God, he's a good kisser._

Hermione had good intentions. She really did. She just happened to be completely unable to resist the good-looking werewolf. The stress of her situation required an outlet, and she had finally stopped fighting her attraction. Was it some sort of animal magnetism? Were her defenses lowered from the shift in time? Was she actually going crazy? She had no idea, but ever since their first kiss, Hermione's inner turmoil raged and raged, and she just kept ignoring it. She simply was unable to control herself around Remus. She woke up every morning with guilty images of Ron and a fresh resolve to end things, but at her first glimpse of the boy (_man_), all rational thought left her. In the last month, they had made out in every available spot in Hogwarts. Hermione would have been scandalized in this behavior by anyone else, but in her case, she was enjoying herself immensely. What was guilt and infidelity in the face of such passion? She didn't believe that, but she did relish every moment she spent with Remus.

"Merlin, you're pretty," he whispered against her lips. "Your hair… Mmmm, I dream about it. You have the best eyes I've ever seen, too. If I didn't feel the need to kiss you constantly, I think I'd be happy just staring at you."

"The feeling's mutual. Perhaps we can take a fifteen minute break to admire each other."

"Sorry. I can't wait that long," he said, pressing his lips to hers again. His hands were under her jumper, running along her back and making her shiver deliciously. His hands were rough and calloused, no doubt as a part of the dangerous transformations he underwent every month, but they always felt heavenly against her skin. They had so far kept their liaisons relatively innocent, but Hermione could feel the want radiating off of both of them. Despite her weakened resistance, she was determined not to cross that line. She was already betraying Ron horribly; she thought that final intimacy might be unconscionable. She may not be able to leave when the time came if she shared that with him. Still, she didn't ever remember needing to check her hormones this much with Ron.

"What are we doing tonight?" she asked huskily when they had paused for breath. Remus had her pressed against the cold stone wall; it's solidity and rough surface felt strangely appealing. It was better than the Room of Requirement, anyway. She did not trust herself to return there with Remus.

"More of the same, I hope," he said, trailing kisses down her neck. "I don't think we've tried the Quidditch stands yet. In the Gryffindor section of course. I find the red and gold oddly arousing."

"We do have friends, Remus," she scolded him. "We might want to make an occasional appearance. We don't want to give people the idea we can't come up for air for three seconds."

"I don't want to come up for air. I want your lips permanently glued to mine. Besides, what do you think Prongs and Lily do with their free time? I assure you it's not Potions homework. Padfoot and Wormtail are very understanding, Hermione. They won't blame me for wanting to keep you to myself a bit. I've had plenty of experience twiddling my thumbs with Wormtail while Padfoot was entertaining. He can cool his heels a bit."

"What about Peter?" Hermione asked, curious. Despite her knowledge of the future, Hermione had a hard time reconciling the man she knew as Wormtail with the friendly, funny boy she saw everyday. How could this man betray the friends who treated him with such easy affection? They were a team! _Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder's Map_. It was beyond anything Hermione could comprehend. She wanted to be coldly indifferent to Peter, but her cover story forbade it. Against her will, Hermione found herself warming to him; one more issue to work out when she returned home.

"Wormtail is between ladies," Remus said. "He's had a few flirtations, but nothing that's lasted any amount of time. I think his hero worship of James makes it difficult for him to look closely at any girls. In his eyes, nothing can compare to what James and Lily have, and he refuses to settle. He might get a happy ending, though. Look what came along for me! And in case you haven't noticed, Padfoot snatches up a fair amount of witches."

"Just as long as his cast-offs stay far away from you," she said," then Sirius can have at it."

"Oooo, do I detect a hint of jealousy?" he asked, his eyes sparkling. "Didn't figure you for the type, Hermione. Despite its Slytherin connotations, green looks good on you."

Hermione laughed and playfully pushed him away. Although nowhere near Ron Weasley level, Lavender Brown had revealed quite the jealous streak within Hermione. She had little doubt that any grabby Gryffindors that wandered too close to Remus would get more than a canary storm.

"So, if tonight is already booked with snogging and more snogging, what are we doing tomorrow?" she asked, pulling him back to her. "I'd like to spend at least part of the day engaging in activities that wouldn't shock my mother."

"I wish we were engaging that much," he said, mock leering at her. "I thought we were going to Hogsmeade. Didn't you and Lily talk about it?"

"Is it already another Hogsmeade weekend?" she asked, surprised. "I don't think we got to go this often when -"

Hermione broke off when she saw Remus looking strangely at her. Once again, she had slipped up. She tried to be careful, but it seemed that incriminating details had a way of creeping out, and Remus was the last person she should let down her guard around. But really, 1976 had quite a few more Hogsmeade visits. Most unfair, in her opinion.

"Beauxbatons has a similar village," she lied. She desperately hoped this was true, or at the very least that he would not investigate. "We only get to go about every other month or so."

"Actually, it has been more frequent this year," he said, deciding not to challenge her. "So let's say we take advantage. I missed the opportunity to stroll hand in hand with you last time. It's a bit twinky, but Madam Puddifoot's is the date place. It might feel nice and normal to be there with my lady, sipping some tea and playing footsie under the table."

"That sounds tops," she said, winding her arms around his waist and kissing him softly. She gave him tiny pecks all over his face, pausing to kiss his ears and tickle his neck. When he tried to kiss her more firmly, she laughed and danced away from him, blowing kisses. He watched her with amusement for a moment, darting his hands out to grab her when she came too close. She grinned mischievously at him, laying more playful kisses on his lips. She enjoyed the soft feel of his lips and soon deepened the kiss, sighing into his mouth and holding onto his robes. He growled and kissed her roughly, holding her tight against him, and within seconds, they were all over each other again. Hermione pushed Remus against the opposite wall, holding his face between her hands and placing her body between his legs. With a guttural moan, he picked her up, spinning them around and slamming her back against the wall. She threw her legs around his waist, kissing him, if possible, with even more passion. As his hands went under her to support her weight, she could feel how hard he was against her, her body burning with the knowledge that she affected him so. He sucked her neck greedily as she purred in to his ear, still clinging tightly to him. Her mind was screaming her for her to stop, _danger_, _danger_, but she made no move against him as one of his hands went to unbutton her blouse. He propped her more firmly against the wall to allow both hands free to work on her buttons, his hands light across her chest. She continued to kiss him, ignoring the inner voice that continued to rail and scream. Had she not just told herself to take things slower? A sudden breeze on her naked shoulders cleared her brain at last. She slid down, moving away from Remus and fixing her blouse. She looked at him incredulously - had she really just gone that far? Sure, they kissed all the time, but undressing and straddling him against a wall - this was unchartered territory. Obviously she would have to work even harder to control their actions.

"Merlin, Hermione," Remus said with ragged breath. "I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to shag you in a dirty passageway."

"This is moving too fast," she said. "I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have such a hard time stopping."

"You? God, Hermione, I practically attack you every time we kiss! I don't want to drive you away."

"You're not!" she exclaimed. "It's me, I've never acted like this before. I don't want you to think I'm leading you on."

"Hermione," he said firmly, "please don't ever think that. We are teenagers, after all. Our hormones are bound to get the better of us. And you're so damn beautiful it's almost impossible for me to keep Moony at bay. You're practically a goddess to me, Hermione. And if you decide - _you _decide - you want to take this further, we will, and it won't be against a wall." She blushed as he pulled her closer, kissing her forehead and smoothing her hair. "Hermione, we've been together only a little over a month! I don't expect anything from you and I should stop taking such liberties."

"A month! And I throw myself at you non-stop! You must think I'm a complete slag, some kind of easy-"

"No! That's not what I meant! Hermione, I've wanted you since I walked into the common room that first night. I know that there's something holding you back from me, and I haven't always been welcoming. But I _have _felt connected to you since the moment I saw you, whether I let myself or not. I fought it at first, but now I don't want to."

"You've been wonderful. You _always _made me feel like you wanted me here, even when you doubted me. And who could blame you? I appeared out of nowhere with a crazy story I wouldn't even have believed myself, and all of you immediately accepted me. You have no idea what that means to me." She was close to tears now. She knew she was sending him terribly mixed signals, but she no longer knew what she wanted. The idea of never seeing her family and friends again, especially Ron and Harry, was devastating, but the longer she spent with these people the more she wanted to stay. One moment she was kissing him madly, and the next she wanted to hide from his trusting eyes forever. This craziness had to stop.

"Hermione, I feel like I've known you forever," Remus said, causing more tears to well in her eyes. "Lily adores you; having a close girlfriend like you is the best thing that could have happened to her. James, Peter and Sirius all love you and you know I'm crazy about you. You're a part of us now. Whatever force brought you here gave me - all of us - a gift."

She was crying in earnest now. His words felt like actual blades, slicing her resolve and piercing her heart. These wonderful people had brought her into their circle, and she was lying to them everyday. Her silence was a constant betrayal. She already loved Lily with all of her heart; how could she stand by and allow that glorious girl to be murdered? How could she deny James and Lily the fairy-tale ending they so deserved? She was condemning Harry to life with the Dursleys and Sirius to Azkaban. Her silence sentenced Remus to a lonely life, stripped of his friends and plagued with guilt that he could not stop the horrible things that happened. She was allowing Snape to murder Dumbledore and signing Sirius's death certificate. If she intervened now, maybe she could also save Peter from a horrible fate as a murderer, as the man who destroyed his best friends. But she _would _stay silent, because these things had already come to pass. Because of her. She was the only one who could stop this dim future, but she would not, because she was afraid of what would happen if she spoke the truth, afraid of the world that may exist in place of the one she had now. Her Gryffindor colors meant nothing in the face of such uncertainty. Her existence in this time was an abomination, one she could never hope to recover from. The choices she was making, and would continue to make were leaving a stain on her soul. One she feared would never come clean.

"Hermione, please stop crying," Remus begged her. "Whatever it was, we can make it better. Please." He had no idea what was causing her breakdown, but his heart felt as if it too would break. He pulled her to the ground and she clutched him desperately, soaking his shoulders with her tears. She cried and cried as she clung to him, silently pleading with God to forgive her. To please, please forgive her.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning dawned bright and cold. Hermione's eyes were swollen from crying and her head felt as if she'd drunk a bottle of firewhiskey. She could only suppose that grief hangovers were quite as bad as alcohol-induced ones. After her breakdown in the passageway the night before, a concerned Remus helped Hermione back to the common room and asked Lily to put her to bed. He offered her a sleeping draught but she declined; after her crying jag she was emotionally and physically drained and knew she would need little help to get to sleep. Remus had not pressed her, for which she was grateful, but she knew sooner or later she would have to answer for her strange behavior. She hoped he would at least grant her the pretty day they had planned at Hogsmeade, and leave the subject alone for the time being. She needed something nice and simple for a change.

She wished that she had accepted the Dreamless Sleep Potion Remus offered her, for her dreams had not been pleasant. In them, she stood before the Wizangamot.

_Harry was presiding over the trial, his eyes blazing with hate and betrayal. Ron sat in the jury, looking at her with bewilderment and sorrow. Neville sat beside Ron, quietly crying and holding a candy wrapper. Sirius, Remus and Peter completed the jury; they were half-transformed, monstrous and grotesque. James and Lily were propped up in spectator chairs, dead, their sightless eyes still accusing. Snape sat in the back row, twirling his wand and snickering at her. Dumbledore sat behind the jury looking concerned. Occasionally, Snape would point at Dumbledore with his wand and mouth Avada Kadavra so only Hermione could see, smirking all the while._

"_Hermione Jane Granger, you stand accused of betraying the wizarding world and abetting the Dark Lord Voldemort and his followers. You are charged with the murders of Lily and James Potter, Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black and Albus Dumbledore. How do you plead?"_

"_Harry, no please, you know I couldn't help -" she broke off in horror and agony. The Dark Mark was being seared into her arm before her eyes; she could smell her flesh burning and feared she would faint from the pain._

"_We find the defendant guilty!" Remus, Peter and Sirius yelled in a cacophony of growls, howls and squeaks. "The evidence is there on her arm, for all to see."_

"_It wasn't my fault, it was Granger," Peter added, completing the transformation to rat. He scurried away from the jury box and out the door. He paused to wink at her and wiggle his whiskers before he disappeared from the hall._

"_Guilty," Harry screamed, his eyes wild. "You are hereby sentenced to life at Malfoy Manor, until such time as the Malfoys present you with clothes, or you die. Mr. Malfoy, come and collect your prisoner."_

_Hermione turned with wide, panicked eyes as Lucius Malfoy approached her, his eyes trailing over her body. He held a towel emblazoned with the Malfoy Crest._

"_Come, mudblood,," he ordered. "This is your new uniform; put it on here, so everyone can see. Draco is very anxious to share my new toy. We must get you reacquainted quickly."_

"_No! Remus, Ron, help me! Harry, please, it wasn't me, Harry, I'm sorry!"_

Hermione had awoken with a start, covered in sweat, her already swollen eyes leaking fresh tears. Unlike most nightmares, this one did not fade, but remained burned in her brain. Apparently, her subconscious planned to blame her for a few things she had not even considered. Hermione was beginning to believe that every terrible thing that would happen in the next twenty years was her fault and her's alone. This was not a happy thought, and one she knew she should banish as soon as possible - if she wasn't already mad, that certainly would lead the way. She resolved to enjoy her day and visit Dumbledore that night. Something had to give, and soon.

Lily was still sleeping peacefully, so Hermione showered and dressed quietly, treading carefully so as not to wake her dorm mates. She decided to wait in the common room until her friends were ready to go; she thought the fire would be comforting on this cold morning. When she descended the stairs, however, she saw Sirius and Peter already up and playing chess, a sight that reminded her forcibly of Ron and Harry.

"Good morning, Hermione," Peter greeted her cheerfully. "You're up early. You can watch me bear Padfoot at chess."

"He's delirious, Granger," said Sirius. "The only time Wormtail's beaten me at chess was when I was a dog, and that's just because his paws are more nimble."

Hermione smiled. "I thought I was the only psychopath that would be up at this time. Why are you two awake already?"

"We pulled an all-nighter," said Peter.

"Studying?" Hermione asked jealously. "That would have been good; I'm way behind on my Transfiguration work."

"Ahh, simple little Granger. What _has _been keeping you so busy?" Sirius asked. He grinned at Hermione's blush. "Not studying, my dear. Mischief-managing. Peter and I have had to go it alone the last few times. We didn't go to sleep at all. We can't let our reputations wan just cause Moony and Prongs have a case of girl-itis."

"How very noble of you both," said Hermione. "Are you coming to Hogsmeade?"

"But of course. Wormtail and I have a table reserved for two at Madam Puddifoot's so we won't be left out. Very romantic."

"Yeah, and he has to buy me tea before I snog him," Peter said. "I'm no cheap date."

Hermione laughed. She assumed by their easy manner that Remus had not told them of her post-snog meltdown. For this she was grateful. His and Lily's concerned looks were quite enough; she could not bear for the rest of them to see her so weak and broken. Remus had not pressed her last night; he had no idea why Hermione had wept and she was in no position to enlighten him. She was still shaken by the previous night's emotions and troubled by the implications of her dreams. Her conscious felt no lighter this morning, especially when faced with Sirius and Peter, two best friends who would become bitter enemies. She tried to push these thoughts to the back of her mind. She really was determined to enjoy herself this day. She felt it might be her last peaceful day for a long time to come.

Hermione spent the next hour joking with Sirius and Peter and watching their games of chess. For all their kidding, Peter was every bit as good as Sirius, if not better. He was a sly player, Hermione could not help noticing, quick to sacrifice key players for the sake of his king. He lured Sirius into a false confidence more than oncebefore pouncing and claiming the game. She tried to ignore the implications and just enjoy their company, but it did remind her, once again, who she was dealing with. She could not help feeling relieved when they moved to Exploding Snap, and by the time Remus, Lily and James made their way downstairs, Hermione's mood had improved.

"Hey, gorgeous," he said, kissing her hello. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she answered truthfully.

"Still up for Hogsmeade?"

"Yes," Hermione said. "You still owe me a date, after all."

"Well, that's aces," he said, grinning.

"Last time," Lily interjected, "I promised Hermione no Quidditch and I had to break my word thanks to Captain Antlers over here. She ended up with a booth for one at the Hog's Head. Not this time, gents. We're steering well clear of both pork and snitches."

Hermione paled at the thought of her Hog's Head experience. Malfoy's cruel drawl made last night's dream erupt in her mind again; she pushed it forcibly down and smiled at Lily.

"Good. You were right about that place. I'm lucky I didn't catch something. I don't fancy going back."

"As if Moony would take you to such a low-class joint," James said. "Don't worry, Hermione, it's moonlight and roses from here on out. Not full-moonlight, of course, but you get my point."

"Lovely," said Hermione. "You know now, Remus, I'm going to expect roses."

"Naturally. Thank you, Prongs, for the reminder." Remus tapped his wand and a lush, fragrant bouquet of pink and yellow roses appeared. "Madam," he said, handing them to her.

Hermione, charmed, responded with a kiss and a squeal. She transfigured a glass into a vase, augmenti-ed it full of water and placed the roses in. "Thank you. They're beautiful."

Remus smiled at her, plucked a pink rose from its stem and tucked it behind her ear. "Perfect. I know it's a bit much for winter, but I'll charm it to stay impervious to the cold."

"Charmed is right," said Hermione. "You're pretty smooth, Remus." He blushed, looking pleased.

"I taught him everything he knows, Hermione," Peter interjected.

"Then it's a wonder Moony even knows what a girl is," said Sirius. "Come, children. Let us away to Hogsmeade on this brisk and blustery day."

"Sirius has been reading muggle literature again," Remus whispered, taking Hermione's hand and leading her out of the common room. "Only he always sounds like he puked up a self-correcting quill. In other words, like an idiot."

Hermione laughed, grateful that Remus wasn't questioning her about last night. He seemed to be following her lead - let's enjoy today and worry about the issues later. In fact, Hermione was indeed delighted to be going to Hogsmeade with Remus and her friends. It just seemed like such a normal thing to do, and exactly what she needed.

As much fun as she and Lily had on their own in Hogsmeade (minus the Malfoy incident, of course), it was that much better in the company of the Marauders. They were just so _fun_; always joking, running about and generally amusing the Hogsmeade population at large. They even managed to charm Madam Rosemerta in a way Ron never could. Every word and gesture spoke volumes of their easy, open affection for one another, and Hermione was once again amazed she had been accepted into this circle.

Hermione and Remus parted ways with their friends for a spell, with plans to meet at Zonko's in an hour. Hand in hand, the pair strolled leisurely along. Hermione sighed in content.

"Sickle for your thoughts," Remus said.

"Nothing too deep. I'm just enjoying myself."

"You sure look pretty with that flower in your hair," Remus said. "If I wasn't so cold, I'd swear I was on a tropical island, staring at paradise. Care to warm me up and convince me its true?"

_Ron would _never _say anything that nice_, Hermione thought, pulling Remus into a kiss. _There is something to be said for romance. _She allowed him to pull her even closer and deepen the kiss.

"My, my," a silky voice interrupted them. "One would think we were in a tacky secret passageway, and not in the middle of the street. Hardly the place for such clandestine affairs."

Remus and Hermione broke apart, blushing. Remus rounded on Snape, who was looking coolly amused.

"Of course," he continued," I cannot take any points from a fellow prefect, but I fear Miss Granger has just cost her House twenty points for inappropriate behavior. What _have _the French been teaching you?"

"Why you greasy-"

"Please, Remus," Hermione said, placing a hand on his arm. "Severus (she smiled inwardly as his eyes narrowed at this familiarity) is quite right. We're hardly setting an example for our younger students, now are we? Thank you, Severus, for reminding us."

Snape, clearly itching for a fight, looked disappointed at her reaction, but he could hardly continue without any other provocation. Instead, he nodded stiffly at Hermione and slunk off in full bat-mode.

"Hermione, why did you let him get away with that?"

"Oh, bugger Snivellus," she said, laughing. If only Ron and Harry could hear her say that. "Let him take his measly points; it was probably the highlight of his miserable life. Who wants to fight on a day like this? Besides, he's right. This is hardly the place to snog. Let's find someplace more private."

Remus grinned. "I know just the place. Oh, don't give me that look. I listen closely to Padfoot, that's all. C'mon."

As Remus led her away, Hermione spotted the Hog's Head out of the corner of her eye. She was unable to help glancing over. She immediately regretted her morbid curiosity. There he was, in all his pale malevolent glory: _Malfoy_. He was leaving the pub, looking disgusted when his eyes swept over and locked on hers. He raised his eyebrows and gave her a filthy leer, gesturing in mock surprise at her hand clamped in Remus's. Remus did not see him, so she tightened her grip on his hand and marched on, risking one worried look behind her. Malfoy was still watching her and blew a kiss when she looked back; his vile amusement was enough to make her vomit, but she kept her stomach in check and did not look back again. She was surprised Remus could not hear how loud her heart was beating, but he seemed oblivious to her distress. Her romantic mood and joy for the day had vanished. When Remus pulled her behind building moments later, she started to protest, but he silenced her with a kiss. As he tightened his arms around her, she tried to relax and enjoy herself, but she could not shake Malfoy from her brain. As Remus grew more insistent, she flashed to her nightmare and the cold lust in Lucius's eyes. Suddenly, the sandy hair in front of her was white and the hazel eyes grey. Panicking, she pushed him away, gasping for breath and straightening her clothes.

"Hermione? What's the matter?"

"Nothing," she panted, trying to regain her composure. It was just Remus. Not Lucius. Remus, who was staring at her with concern in those gold-spattered eyes. "I'm sorry, I just. Nothing. Let's go get something to drink, okay? I'm fine, really."

Remus sighed, but nodded his assent. It would do no good to press her, but after last night's weepfest and her current freakout, it didn't take a genius to know something was seriously wrong. Hogsmeade, however, was not the place to hash out her issues. He mentally cursed himself for getting too happy, too complacent. This was, after all, the girl who arrived out of nowhere with some cock and bull story he still didn't fully believe. Despite his decision to trust Hermione - and he _did _trust her, even if he still had doubts about her "dreams" - he could not help thinking that he should have known better than to get so involved with her. He glanced at her profile; she seemed to have calmed down, but remained a little pale. She felt his eyes on her and gave him a reassuring smile. At the questioning look still on his face, she shrugged and playfully shoved him.

"Really, I'm fine," she said, and gave him a smile so dazzling he was helpless against it.

They were entering Madam Puddifoot's when Sirius and Peter ran up to them.

"Oi, Moony!"

"Hey guys," Hermione greeted them. "Been enjoying your date?"

"It's been okay, Granger," Sirius said. "But you know Wormtail. I've been fighting his advances off all day."

"You wish."

"Anyway, Moony, you just missed Molly and Arthur," Sirius said. "They asked after you. They had the boys with them; Percy's just a few months old. Cute as bugs, all of them and even the baby has that red hair."

Remus lit up. "Where are they? Maybe I can catch up with them. Hermione, I want to introduce you to some friends of ours, the Weasleys." He turned expectantly toward her and froze at the look on her face. Hermione had gone completely white and was shaking uncontrollably.

_Oh, God_. She was going to throw up, or pass out; she had no idea which would come first, but either option seemed good to her at that moment. There was no way she could see Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. This was the last straw. She needed Dumbledore and she needed to go home. Now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Professor Dumbledore, you have to help me please," Hermione said. She had sprinted back to Hogwarts, leaving Remus shouting behind her. Her near miss with the Weasleys (thank _God _Ron hadn't yet been born), coupled with seeing Malfoy again had been too much for her. She now stood before the Headmaster, crying and pleading. His familiar twinkle was gone, and he looked very grave.

"Miss Granger, what has happened? You have not, inadvertently, of course, let something slip?"

"No, sir," she said. "I just cannot be here any longer. Please, I must get home. Or send me away. Something, anything. "

"Miss Granger, I thought you were enjoying your time here," Dumbledore said. "I rarely see you out of the company of your fellow Gryffindors, especially Miss Evans and Mr. Lupin."

"That's just it, Headmaster. I told you when I got here that I know things. I can't be around these people any more. I've come to love them and it's just too hard. It's not fair to them and it's killing me. I almost saw the Weasleys today. In my time, they're like my own family. I would hate the idea that they already knew about me when we first met. This cannot continue. Forgive me, sir, I'm know I'm speaking out of line, but-"

"Not at all," said Dumbledore kindly. "I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. Knowledge can be a very lonely thing. Look at Cassandra. Knowing the future, and being unable to interfere is a burden no one should have to shoulder. You have been very strong, and very brave, Hermione. A true Gryffindor."

Hermione gave him a weak but thankful smile. "Thank you, sir. I've been so conflicted. I have been happy, you know. I tried to block everything out and enjoy my time here. And I have enjoyed it. I'm grateful to have met everyone, but at the same time… I just have to go home, Professor."

"I understand, Miss Granger. Just know that you were brought here for a purpose. It was important, I believe, and if you are desperate to get home, then that must be what you are supposed to do now, as well."

"But how?"

"I've been working on it, Miss Granger. Give me tonight," said Dumbledore. "Say goodbye to your friends and come back in the morning."

Hermione nodded and left the office. This was what she wanted, she told herself. No matter how hard it was, she needed to go. She walked slowly back to Gryffindor tower, dreading what was before her. It would seem cruel, she knew, to suddenly disappear, as if these people meant nothing to her. And yet what could she tell them? That she had indeed been lying all this time? She could not imagine the look on Remus's face. He was, after all, her boyfriend now. Try as she had to sugarcoat it, that's what he was. She had allowed things to progress to that level, and the thought of leaving him now, of going back to a time when she was Miss Granger and he was Professor Lupin, was painful. Knowing that she would be returning to a world without Lily, James and Sirius made her want to be sick. But she couldn't stay. She just couldn't.

Hermione reached the Fat Lady and dully spoke the password. As the entered the common room, she realized it might be the last time. Tears pricked her eyes again, but she impatiently wiped them away. She would need all her tears for what was coming.

She didn't expect to see the boys back so soon, although of course her bizarre behavior would have cut short their good time. Remus, James and Sirius were comforting a bleeding and sniffling Peter. They didn't notice her come in; all attention was on their injured friend.

"Who did it, Wormtail?" Sirius demanded furiously.

"I don't know, I told you!" Peter said, wiping his bloody nose. "They had on masks. Slytherins, I'm sure. When you left after Hermione, I went back to the store to get our things. They jumped me as I came out. They were hexing me in the alley; beating on me, too."

"When we find them, they're going to be sorrier than they can imagine," said James. "We should have been there. I'm so sorry."

"But you weren't there," Peter said. "You guys can't always be there, and I'm not as strong as you. I do these things with you, and everyone knows it's us. But if they catch me alone, I'm easy prey."

"You don't have to worry, we'll always be there," Sirius said. "We look out for you. This won't happen again."

"You won't always be there," Peter repeated. "And I'm just not as strong as you are. It doesn't matter. Hermione's back."

Three heads whipped toward Hermione, who felt a nasty shock. The scene before her reeked of one of Peter's first steps towards Voldemort. And she was running away, to a time when it was too late for her to help. She reminded herself that she could not do anything now, either. She took a deep breath to steel herself for the barrage of questions she knew was coming.

"Hermione!" Remus cried with relief, running toward her and engulfing her in a hug. "We were worried! Why did you run off like that? What in the hell happened?"

"I had to see Dumbledore," she said weakly.

"In the middle of our date? That's ridiculous, Hermione."

She ignored him and soldiered on. "I need Lily."

"Hermione, what's going on?" Remus asked. "You're scaring me. We were having a great time, and then you freaked out."

"I'm sorry, Remus. I just need to talk to Lily."

"She's in her room," James said. He looked sympathetically at Remus, as if to say _'Women_!,' but Remus still looked worried.

"Thank you. Remus, I'll explain everything after I talk to Lily." She looked sadly at his hurt expression but said no more. She climbed the stairs to her room, unsure of what exactly she was going to tell Lily. She only knew it had to be as close to the truth as she could get.

Lily was waiting for her. "I heard your date was cut short. I thought you might need to talk."

That was all it took for Hermione to start crying again. She sat down beside Lily and looked helplessly at her wonderful friend. Lily would know how to help her.

"I've always known you were lying," Lily said. Hermione stared at her, shocked and stricken. Whatever she had been expecting, it wasn't that.

"What do you-"

"Shh," Lily said, not unkindly. "Let me talk. I think we've all known, at least subconsciously. Remus was the only one who thought you might be a danger to us, at least at first, I believe. I've never felt that from you. The boys - well, they were willing to bury their doubt and accept your tale, because they like you so much. Your story's weak, sweetie. I suppose you didn't have enough time to come up with something better. I guess now it's caught up with you."

"Do you hate me?" she whispered. This was beyond all of her fears.

"Hermione, I adore you," Lily said sincerely, clasping her hand. "We all do. I was willing to overlook your lies because I thought they might be necessary. They are, aren't they?"

Hermione simply nodded, unable to speak.

"That's what I thought," Lily said. "I have my suspicions, but I think you should continue with your story. You don't have to tell anyone else what I said. I know you would never hurt us. Not on purpose."

"I love you all," Hermione said truthfully.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

"I have to," Hermione said. "I don't think I want to. When I first got here, it was all I wanted to do. But now… It's harder now. You're all my friends. I'll miss you, and I can't ever come back."

"I warned you about Remus, Hermione," said Lily sadly. "Whatever else you've done, that is on your head. He loves you, Hermione. And you've always known you couldn't stay."

"I know," she said miserably. "I tried to fight it."

"You didn't try very hard."

"No, I didn't," Hermione admitted. "I got caught up in the romance of it all. He's wonderful, and I wanted him. I care about him, Lily. But not enough to stay."

"When are you leaving?" Lily asked. Her eyes were sad.

"Tomorrow," said Hermione. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

**A/N This is a little short, but I thought it was a good stopping point before the next event. I know my updates are getting slower and slower; I really can't say if that will improve, but I'll do my best. Thanks to those who continue to read, and a special thanks to my reviewers**.


	10. Chapter 10

Hermione followed Lily down the stairs into the common room. Her eyes were still bright with tears, but she had plastered a smile on her face. It felt like it might break into a million pieces. She dreaded taking the final step into the common room, dreaded facing the boys, but she could not put it off any longer. Lily had helped, and she knew Lily would support any lies she told. Not for the first time, Hermione wondered how she had gotten through her first six years at Hogwarts without Lily. Ron and Harry were her whole life, and Ginny was wonderful, but in the short months she had been here, Lily had become one of the most important people in her world. Knowing Lily hadn't believed her lies was somehow a comfort. Hermione felt that while Lily may not approve, she at least understood.

The boys were, of course, waiting for them. Remus was pacing in front of the fireplace; when he saw Hermione he raced to her side.

"Can you please now tell me what's happening?" he asked worriedly. James and Sirius did not have their usual grins and Peter still looked weak and tired from his beating. All four boys' eyes were heavy upon her.

"I'll try," Hermione said. "I really don't know where to start."

"Let's start with your freak out at Hogsmeade," said Remus

"I had a vision," Hermione blurted out, thankful once again to the God of Lies.

"A vision," James repeated doubtfully.

Hermione looked to Lily, who merely raised her eyebrows in an "it's all you, girl" gesture.

"Yes," she said, squaring her shoulders. _You're a liar. Why not make it good? _"It happened so suddenly, and I've never had one before so I panicked. That's why I raced back to talk to Dumbledore. Because of my dreams, he told me to tell him about anything strange that I might experience. I don't know what the vision means, but unfortunately I have to go back to Beauxbatons for awhile."

"What?" Remus whispered. "You've never... I thought you were staying here. What kind of vision?"

"I don't know. It's so hard to explain," she said.

"Try," Remus said.

Hermione nodded. "It flashed quickly, it was almost over before it began, but I could see my friends from home, and it looked like they were in trouble. Dumbledore said I should go back to see what's happening. He thinks anything I see has some truth to it. I wanted to talk to Lily first, because I knew she would let me cry."

"We don't want you to go!" Sirius burst out.

"I don't want to go, either," Hermione said. It was mostly the truth. "But it won't be for good." That was also technically the truth. She would return to Hogwarts, they just wouldn't be there anymore. "Remus, I'm so sorry. Please understand."

"No," he said. He abruptly turned from her and stalked out of the room. Hermione looked helplessly at Lily, who wore her now familiar look of sympathy and you-did-this-yourself. Hermione sighed and nodded at Lily. She did this herself. She could have stayed away from Remus and she chose the painful road instead. She turned to follow him.

"Not yet," said James. "Give him some time. You've never really spoken of Beauxbatons, so of course it's a shock to hear you're going back. It's just temporary, right? You're coming back to Hogwarts, aren't you?"

"I hope so," Hermione said. "I plan on coming back." What damage could one more lie do? She could feel Lily's disapproval, but she steadily avoided her eyes.

"Well then," said Sirius. "I think a party is in order."

"What? You're celebrating my departure?"

"It's called a going-away party, goof," Sirius said. "Surely the French have those, Granger. And when you return, we'll have a 'Welcome Back' party."

_I won't cry again right now_, Hermione thought. _No matter how wonderful they are. She smiled at Sirius_.

"Not a party," Peter said suddenly. "We don't want to share you on your last night. The six of us spend all of our time together anyway. Let's do the Forbidden Forest again."

"I don't know, Wormtail," James said. "Is that really such a good idea after what happened today?"

"Bugger Slytherin," Peter answered. "I'm okay now, really. I can't let those gits ruin our good time." Peter looked a little unconvinced by his own bravery, but Sirius grinned and clapped him on the back.

"That's settled," he said. "Leave Remus to us for now. You'll get a chance to talk to him later. Go read _Hogwarts, A History _until it's time to go and ruminate on how much you're leaving behind."

_I will_, Hermione thought.

"You can read the exciting parts out loud to Lily," James said, pulling his girlfriend into a hug and smiling cheekily at her.

"Great," said Lily, scowling. "Let's get right on that."

James watched Lily take Hermione back up to the girls' dormitory. It would kill him if Lily suddenly decided she needed to leave. While he did think his love for Lily was stronger than Moony's for Hermione - he had been in love with Lily a lot longer, after all - he knew that Moony was in a lot of pain right now. The only thing they could do was band together and try to make him feel better. It probably wouldn't work and James knew they were in for a lot of brooding, but that was friendship, after all.

"Padfoot, go collect Professor Moony, will you? He's probably gone to the library to recreate his courtship of Hermione. He might be underlining significant lines in _Hogwarts, A History_. I'm telling you, we're one step away from full-on tragic romantic hero stage, so nip it in the bud. Tell him what we have planned for tonight and remind him that it would be straight out of your playbook to let her leave without saying goodbye."

"Hey," Sirius protested. "I would never do that. I have class."

"No," Peter said, shaking his head and smiling. "No you don't."

Sirius greeted his friends' remarks with a rude hand gesture and left the room to collect Moony. Sure enough, the werewolf was sitting forlornly at a table in the library.

"A little less cliche, next time, if you please," said Sirius, sliding into a chair next to him. "I mean, you could have thrown yourself off the tower or something. Way more impact. Maybe you could have yelled Hermione's name as you plummeted to the ground."

"Sod off, Padfoot," Remus said, not looking at his friend. "Surely you can give me one minute in peace to be pissed my girlfriend is leaving. Lying, too, I'd wager. This story's about as convincing as her dream one. I think she just likes making dramatic entrances and exits. Mental, probably. No doubt she's got an equally snowed French twit waiting for her at Beauxbatons."

"You don't really believe that, Moony."

"I don't know," Remus said, raking a hand through his hair. "What am I supposed to think, Padfoot? Hermione appears out of nowhere, and just when I think things are going well, she tells us she's off again. You know how I feel about her. What do you think my proper reaction should be?"

"I can't tell you that," Sirius admitted. "I do know how you feel, but I know Hermione feels the same way. She doesn't want to go, Moony, but she feels like she has to. She's a Gryffindor. Do you really expect her to sit tight if she thinks her friends are in trouble? Cut her some slack."

"If she's even telling the truth!" Remus exploded. "Maybe she's not even from Beauxbatons! Who in the hell knows what's going on in that girl's head?"

"If you care about her, you accept her story," Sirius said. "Listen to your heart, Moony."

"Merlin, that sounded pretty gay," Remus said, smiling for the first time.

"Yeah, I know, but work with me here. Say goodbye and hope for the best. We're going to the Forest tonight. You'll have plenty of time to be alone with her there. We'll give her a proper send-off, and remind her of all the fun she'll be missing. She'll be back soon enough."

"Sounds fabulous," said Remus sarcastically.

"Of course, if you don't want to come, I can give her a proper send-off myself," Sirius said innocently. "I never did get my fair turn."

"That's not funny," Remus glared at him. "Fine, let's go."

Sirius laid a ressuring hand on the Remus's back and led him out of the library. As soon as they were gone, an eavesdropper stepped from behind the stacks where he had been listening to them.

_How wonderful_, Snape thought, an evil smile playing on his lips. _I can finally catch those prats in the act. Poor lovesick Lupin's about to lose his fair mudblood. Pity. Perhaps my own invitation to the party was lost. No matter. There's no full moon, so I can join in the festivities. What fun we'll have._

X X X X

Their trip into the forest was more subdued than last time, although James, Peter and Sirius were doing all they could to brighten the mood. Lily seemed to be taking a page from Hermione and Remus's book; though she did her best to remain positive, it was clear she was not enjoying herself. The boys were charming enough to cheer Hermione slightly, but Remus had barely spoken two words to her. She needed to get him alone soon, but so far he seemed to be avoiding any hints she was sending his way. Sirius, however, noticed them all and gave her a sympathetic look.

"Prongs," Sirius said with forced joviality. "What say you, me, Wormtail and Evans leave these two alone for a moment. Granger's eyes are bugging out of her head trying to get Moony's attention."

"Lord, Sirius," Hermione said, turning scarlet. "Is the art of subtlety lost on you?"

"No, but it's apparently lost on Moony, so I thought I'd help you out," he said.

"Fine," Remus said emotionlessly. "Leave us be for a bit."

Lily looked at Hermione with concern; Remus was not exactly starting things out well, but she led the boys away.

"Remus," Hermione started timidly. His back was to her, and she walked around in front of him until he was forced to look at her. "I don't know what to say except I'm really sorry. What would you do if you knew that your friends were in trouble? You would go to them. That's what I have to do now."

"You're acting under the assumption that I believe you," Remus said, looking straight into her eyes. She was shocked by how hard he looked. "I don't. I don't think you had a vision about Beauxbatons any more than you had a dream about us. I think you're a liar, Hermione, and I think that you played me. That's the bottom line. This was a bad idea. I'm going back to the castle." He turned and started to stalk away.

Hermione was stunned at his words. She stood frozen for a moment before running after him.

"Remus, please wait," she said, grabbing his arm. He wrenched it away from her and looked at her with those same angry eyes. "I never played you. My feelings for you are very real, and they're making this hard. I never wanted you to think ill of me. You're right, of course. You've always been right. I am lying, but if you only knew why..." Tears were clouding her vision again, and she thought disjointedly that she had cried more in the last few months than she had her whole life. "I can't tell you the truth, I just can't. I can't tell any of you; there are dire consequences. Dumbledore said-"

"Dumbledore's in on this, too?" Remus asked incredulously. "What in the hell in going on? Who are you?"

"I'm just Hermione," she said softly. "I can't tell you anymore than that. I have to go because my friends might be in trouble, and they need me; I'm not lying about that. Please, Remus. Please believe me now."

"Believe what?" he shouted. "Believe something you can't tell me? Believe that you're a liar? I know all of that, Hermione."

"No, believe I love you," she said. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she stared at him, aghast. How could she have said that now? She searched her feelings and knew it to be true. Too late. "I know how that sounds. It sounds weak, but it's true. I'm so grateful for the time we've spent together, and I really wish things could be different. I'm not leaving to hurt you. I'm leaving because I have to. I was hoping our last night could be... I don't know. I can't stand to see you looking at me like that. I'm sorry. I'll just go."

"Wait," he said. She turned to him hopefully, but he still had his armor up. "Hermione, I don't like being lied to. Funny, since I lie to just about everyone I know. But I don't lie to my friends. First and foremost, I thought that's what we were."

"I thought we were, too. Remus, I want nothing more than to tell you the truth right now, but I _can't_," she said. "One day, I will, and that is the truth. You trust Dumbledore, right? He would never help me if he thought I was dangerous."

Remus looked thoughtful at this. It was true, Dumbledore was not likely to be fooled by a seventeen-year-old witch, or by anyone else for that matter.

"Remus, I didn't come to Hogwarts to lie to you, it just had to be like that," Hermione said. "I did know who you all were, and I've come to care so much about you. I don't want to leave, but _I have to_. I have another life, and I must return to it."

"And what about us, Hermione?" Remus said. "What about me? You have another life? Well I don't and now you've messed up the only one I have."

"No, I haven't," Hermione retorted. "I'm just a small part of your life, Remus. It hurts now, like it does for me, but I'll leave, and you'll move on. And when or if we meet again, you'll be okay. I can feel it."

"You're just trying to make yourself feel better, Hermione."

"Yes, I am," she admitted. "I'm crazy about you, Remus, and I have been since I got here. You're under my skin, and it's killing me to leave you now. Please, can't we part on good terms?"

He grabbed her roughly in answer and kissed her fiercely. She responded eagerly, grasping him as if she were drowning. He pushed her against a tree and she grabbed his shirt, clutching him as close to her as possible.

"Well, well," a voice said. "And here I was hoping he wasn't a true rival for your affections. Didn't our time mean anything, my dear? I couldn't help but overhear. Surely you weren't planning on leaving without saying goodbye."

Hermione and Remus broke apart in alarm and stared in disbelief at the figure before them. Lucius Malfoy was leaning against a tree, smiling lazily at them and surrounded by six men who could only be Death Eaters.

**A/N I had a review questioning my use of full moons. I'm sorry this wasn't clearer; I know there is only one full moon a month, but the night before and after the full moon is powerful for werewolves, too. This was my intention; I apologize if this wasn't clear**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

_Well, this can't be good_, Snape thought. He was hiding behind a wide tree some feet away from Hermione and Remus. He had watched with interest as Granger begged Lupin's forgiveness. What _could _the little girl be hiding? Something huge no doubt, but since Dumbledore apparently knew about it, Snape knew he couldn't bring them trouble that way. Still, there was the little issue of the annoying Gryffindors being out after curfew, and in the Forbidden Forest no less. He was moments away from summoning the Headmaster (and making a hasty retreat - _he _didn't want to be caught, after all) when he saw Malfoy and his cronies. Snape had plans to join the Dark Lord after Hogwarts, and he had no illusions about what he was going to have to do. But Lily was there, too, and he didn't want her harmed. Also, he knew he had saved Granger from almost certain rape at The Hog's Head. That was one thing Snape had no stomach for, and from the looks of this little raiding party, that was Malfoy's intention again. If Lily was spotted, she would get the same treatment. _Now _what was he supposed to do? Go against Malfoy? Help his enemies? Not likely. By the time Dumbledore arrived, it might be too late. _I should have stayed in bed._

"Boys, this pretty little mudblood is mine," Lucius stated in the same lazy drawl. "We've a budding relationship I wish to explore. I feel it's unwise to harm Dumbledore's students too much, so I would appreciate if you would just keep this one at bay. When the young lady and I have had our chat, we'll obliviate them both. A shame, really, but the rules of society make it impossible for us to be together, my dear. I've no doubt you'll always remember me in your heart."

"Is she just for you, then, Lucius?" a big, black-eyed death eater asked. He was leering at Hermione, who tried to remain calm. She had her wand this time, and she had Remus, too. Obviously the men didn't know the rest of her friends were there, so perhaps they would be able to sneak up on them. She held Remus's hand tightly. "That hardly seems fair."

"And we come upon one of life's crueler lessons, I'm afraid," Lucius answered. His eyes had not left Hermione. "Life is so rarely fair. You're here as backup tonight, nothing more. I told you this charming young girl and I have a special connection. What kind of gentleman would I be if I passed her around? I merely came to express my dismay that she's leaving so soon."

"Do not think about touching her," Remus spoke. Hermione could sense the danger radiating off of him. They were outnumbered, yes, but Hermione was not so sure that they were outmatched. "I assure you, it will end in your death."

_Well, that's not going to happen_, Hermione thought. _Lucius is alive in the future, so how is this going to turn out? _The sight of him still made her nauseous, but the abject fear she felt the last two times was not there. That alone made her braver.

"You don't frighten me, boy," Lucius said. "I've no doubt you're a regular knight in shining armor, but you'll not come out on top this time. Stay quiet, and no further harm will come to you. I'm not going to hurt your little friend. We just have some things to... discuss."

"Don't come any closer, Ferret," Hermione spoke boldly. "You're not catching me off guard this time. I'm more than ready for the likes of you."

"Really, where does this 'ferret' nonsense come from?" Lucius asked, looking honestly puzzled. "Is that your little pet name for me? Hmmm... Ferret and Mudblood. I've heard worse. Please excuse me for my little terms of endearment, I've not yet bothered to learn your real name. No offense, dear, but since our time is limited, it's best if I don't get too attached. You understand."

Hermione narrowed her eyes but said nothing. She could not allow Malfoy to bait her into making any rash moves; she had already let him know he was getting to her. From now on, she would not give him any more satisfaction. No one had yet drawn their wands. Malfoy's men were betting on their physical strength and greater numbers to keep Hermione and Remus in line. If they thought Remus was going to hand Hermione over without a struggle, they were mental. For that matter, they must expect Hermione to draw her wand as well. Right now, they were in a standoff. Whoever drew first would plunge them into battle.

X X X X

"What in the hell are we still doing over here?" Sirius whispered furiously. The four friends were huddled under James's invisibility cloak, which he brought so they could spy on Moony and Hermione. Sirius was sneaking under it when he spotted Malfoy and company. He'd sprinted back to the other three, who were thankfully too far away to be heard, and pulled them under with him. They were now all riveted to a spot about twenty feet away; close enough so that they could hear and see everything that was happening, but far enough away that the Death Eaters wouldn't wander into them. Sirius and James were shaking in anger; Peter in fear. Lily was maintaining a calm composure, but she was sick to her stomach. They had all heard stories of Death Eater raids, and the less one thought about it, the better. Still, there was no real proof that these men were Death Eaters. That didn't make them any less dangerous, however.

"Padfoot, we can't run in wands blazing," James answered. "That's a good way to get everyone hurt and us expelled."

"I don't care about expulsion," said Sirius hotly. "I care about Granger and Moony!"

"So do we, Sirius, so calm down," Lily ordered. "We need to have a plan. We need to distract them, and we need to get help. Peter, go get Dumbledore. You can get out of the Forest without anyone seeing you, so do it."

"Why do I tell him we were out here?" Peter asked miserably.

"Figure something out," Sirius said. "Do not let him see you as a rat."

"Brilliant, Padfoot, I was going to make that the crux of the story." Peter rolled his eyes and then transformed. He scurried off in the direction of Hogwarts.

"Lucius Malfoy can cause Hermione some real damage in the mean time," James said. "Moony, too. We can not let that albino freak get his hands on her. Padfoot, distract them. Lily and I will sneak in while you occupy the others. What you told Peter goes double for you. No matter what, do not let them see who you are."

"Right-o, Prongs." Sirius slipped easily into canine form. The big, black, lumbering dog wagged his tail at Lily and James and began creeping over to his captured friends. He could hear Malfoy's oily voice taunting Hermione and resisted the urge to go for his throat.

"Mudblood, come here," Malfoy said. His voice had lost some of the "playful" quality it held earlier. Out of the corner of her eye, Hermione saw Sirius drawing close. She inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Remus," she said. He was still glaring at Malfoy. "We're going to be fine. I"m going to talk to Malfoy for a moment; please trust me."

"I am not letting you go to him," he said, outraged. "You know better than that."

"Now, don't get in the way of true love," Malfoy said. "Be the bigger man."

Hermione ignored him. "I know you won't let anything happen to me. Give me a minute to talk to him. Please." She lowered her voice. "They're coming for us. Please don't let this get any more out of control. I can handle him for the time being. He won't get the chance to do anything."

"No secrets now," Malfoy said, a nasty edge to his voice.

"Please, trust me."

"You've given me such reason to," Remus said. "How am I supposed to let you walk off with him?"

"You have to," she said simply. She could see Sirius waiting for his chance and nodded imperceptibly toward him. The Death Eaters didn't notice, but Remus did. He took a bracing breath and nodded.

"No more than five minutes," he said.

"Now, now, no fair judging my prowess by what you school boys do," Malfoy said. "We'll be considerably longer than five minutes."

Hermione put a hand on Remus's arm as he gave a decidedly werewolf-like growl. She fixed Malfoy with a glare so contemptuous he actually looked uneasy for a moment before his smirk resurfaced. She squared her shoulders and breathed deeply. This was taking all of her resolve, but she knew she had to do it. Lucius's resemblance to Draco was even more pronounced when he smirked, and she thought she could perhaps handle herself better if she thought of him as Draco. After all, that twitchy little ferret wasn't exactly to be feared.

"Come here," Malfoy said again, and Hermione's resolve wavered a bit. Draco never sounded like that. "Don't make me tell you again."

Hermione walked to him slowly. She could still feel Sirius's presence, and prayed he would wait a little longer before he attacked. She had a plan. Malfoy took her hand and smiled sickeningly at her, pulling her toward him and away from the others. He led her behind a group of trees; she could no longer see Remus but could still faintly hear the disgusting taunts Malfoy's cronies were tossing his way. She hoped he would control his temper.

"Alone at last," Malfoy said. He backed her against a tree; although confident they would get away, Hermione could not help her fear. She had no idea why he hadn't taken her wand; perhaps in his eagerness to get her he'd simply forgotten. Hermione thanked God Lucius's libido was making him stupid, but her heart hammered so hard against her chest she was sure Malfoy could hear it. Malfoy wound his fingers through her hair, gripping painfully. She resisted the urge to yelp. "At first I was sad our last date was interrupted, but I think I owe Severus some thanks; what do you think? The Hog's Head is hardly a fitting location for a romantic rendezvous, pet. Let's keep this meeting friendly, shall we? I understand you might be a bit shy, and I would hate to have to force you. I abhor violence." The malevolent twinkle in his eye said differently. "Lets see... This was working so nicely the first time. _Imperio_."

Hermione felt herself begin to drift away and fought against the Unforgiveable. When Malfoy had cornered her in The Hog's Head, she had been unable to fight him. Wandless, alone, and caught utterly by surprise, Hermione's Gryffindor spirit had left her when she needed it most. Harry, Ron and Hermione spent much of their training trying to throw off the Imperius curse; had she not been so completely overwhelmed the first time, she might have fared well against Malfoy's intended curse. Now, she was ready for him.

Malfoy leaned in and kissed Hermione lightly. The feel of his lips on hers broke through the slight haze Imperio was causing; in that moment she was able to throw off the curse entirely, though outwardly she gave no sign. Instead, she swallowed her repulsion and kissed him back. At her encouragement, he shoved her more firmly against the tree and fisted his hand in her hair, kissing her ruthlessly.

"Now, isn't his nice, Mudblood?" he hissed. "Doesn't it feel good to serve your superiors?"

Hermione didn't answer, merely kissed Malfoy and drew him even closer. She could feel Malfoy relaxing against her and knew it was working; he obviously thought she was completely in his control. She counted to ten in her head, and then _wham_! Hermione brought her knee up hard between Malfoy's legs and whipped out her wand while he was doubled over, gasping for breath. His eyes watered with pain and he looked up at her in frank astonishment.

"You bitch," he panted. "You are going to regret that in so many ways."

"Save it, Ferret," she said. "You're lucky I didn't throw up all over you, too. I'll tell Fred and George to add your tongue to their Puking Pastiles; that should give them extra oomph. I feel sorry for Narcissa. Oh, and incarcerous. Silencio, too, you great Death Eating prat."

Instantly Malfoy was bound in great ropes; he was still staring at her as if he couldn't believe his eyes. She gave him a smirk and shouted: "Padfoot, now!" Although she could not see them, Hermione could hear Malfoy's lackeys yell in shock and the furious barking of one large, angry Animagi. She raced to join them...and ran smack into Severus Snape.

"Granger, you idiot," he breathed. "If you thought Malfoy was after you before, what do you think he's going to do now?"

"Something you seemed far too eager to watch," she retorted.

"I wasn't going to let him," he said, not meeting her eyes. "I was getting ready to sneak up. Where did that dog come from? Is it one of Hagrid's beasts?"

"Yes," she replied. "Get out of here, Snape, before James and Sirius catch you. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this once, but you'll not be so lucky from them."

"Go quickly, Granger, and get Evans out of here," Snape said. "I have to let Lucius free; if any of them find out I was here and didn't help them, I'm finished. I can't let Dumbledore catch him. I can only give you five minutes. _Go now_."

Hermione didn't wait for more; she broke through the trees, wand outstretched. Sirius was sitting on top of a Death Eater, who was covering his face and whimpering in fear; James was dueling a large, lumbering man and getting the better of him; Lily had one Death Eater subdued at her feet. She didn't see Peter, so she assumed he had gone for help. Hermione started to aid James, when she saw yet another horrific sight. Was this the worst night of her life? It was certainly looking that way.

The remaining two Death Eaters had Remus pressed against a tree, their wands at his throat.

"Where's Malfoy?" one of them asked.

"Performance anxiety," she answered, fixing Remus with as reassuring a look as she could manage. "Call off your other dogs."

"I believe that's my line," said the Death Eater. "Where did that great brute come from?"

"You should always check your perimeters," Hermione said. "Make sure you know who's around. Our other friend already went to get Dumbledore. Leave right now and you can escape a sentence in Azkaban."

"You're bluffing, mudblood," he snarled.

"Do you want to test me?" Hermione snapped. "I've already incapacitated Malfoy, and my friends beat you in about three seconds. Let him go and you might get out of this without permanent damage. Dumbledore is on his way. What do you think he will do when he sees you harming his students?"

The Death Eaters exchanged glances. "Alright. Your boyfriend can live a little longer. I hope he likes used goods. Even if Lucius didn't get you this time, do you really think he's going to stop? You're marked, mudblood. All of you. Hear this: your deaths will come at the hand of the Dark Lord and his followers."

Hermione felt a chill down her spine and struggled to keep her face calm. _You don't know how right you are. And once again, I'm doing nothing to stop it. Nothing but running away._

The Death Eaters slowly backed away from Remus. Lily, Padfoot and James released the ones they were fighting and without another word, they disappeared into the forest.

Remus ran to Hermione and engulfed her in a hug. "I'm going to kill that pureblood son of a bitch. I should never have let him put his hands on you."

"It's okay. I'm okay," she reassured him. "We don't have any time; let's get back to the castle. Maybe we'll be lucky and Dumbledore won't expel you guys. I'm so sorry; I had no idea he would come after me here."

"Hermione, why was he after you?" a now-transformed Sirius asked. "When did you meet my lovely cousin-in-law?"

She took a deep breath. Well, it wasn't like anyone would be shocked she had lied. "I met him in Hogsmeade the day Lily and I went there. He cornered me in the Hog's Head-"

"I told you that place was no good!" Lily exclaimed.

"And I barely got away," she finished. For some reason, Hermione still wanted to keep Snape out of the story. It was better for everyone if her friends remained ignorant of his involvement. "Then I saw him there again today; I don't know why he came here after me. Maybe he was mad I got away the first time."

"I told you about him," Remus said, frowning.

"And I lied," she said. "I wasn't talking about him when you brought him up; there really is a kid from home who looks and acts just like him. But I _had _already met him. He scared me, and I knew what you would do if you found out, so I didn't say anything."

"What's one more lie, right?" he asked bitterly.

"Look, I know you're angry with me, but I thought it was for the best. I had no idea it would put the rest of you in danger. I'm beyond sorry. But we need to get out of here now. You can yell at me in the dorm." She turned and and started toward the castle, leaving her friends to follow her. She felt numb from the ordeal and from the entire day. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up home with Harry and Ron.

"Remind me to give Wormtail congrats on his Forbidden Forest idea," Sirius said as they trailed after her. "That was a real winner."


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

Hermione didn't think she had ever seen her Headmaster look so disappointed before. As the friends had re-entered the castle, they had encountered a panicked Peter and Dumbledore on their way to rescue them. Professor Dumbledore had stopped at the sight of them, the worried expression on his face melting into relief, then anger. He had motioned them to follow him, and they had silently walked to his office. None of them exchanged furtive glances, none of them smirked behind Dumbledore's back- they all realized the gravity of the situation and were appropriately nervous.

He led them to his office. The six friends stood silently in front of his desk, afraid to explain or beg forgiveness. This was going to be bad. Not rape-and-torture-by-Death-Eater bad, but to Hermione, a scolding from any professor, let alone her beloved Headmaster, was almost worse.

"I understand that this is a difficult time for you all," Dumbledore began. "You've become close to Miss Granger, and are sorry to see her go. I cannot understand, however, why you chose to leave your dorms after hours and venture into the very dangerous and very _forbidden _forest. I hope you realize the seriousness of your actions. Miss Evans, Mr. Potter, you are head boy and girl. Mr. Lupin, you are a prefect. You all know better."

"It was my idea, Professor," Hermione said. "I just wanted a little celebration before I go, and I wanted us to be alone. I didn't mean to be disrespectful, and had I known -" She stopped. Hermione had already decided not to name Lucius Malfoy by name. She felt it would lead to more trouble for the Marauders.

"Had you known Death Eaters were afoot, you wouldn't have bothered?" Dumbledore filled in. "I'm sorry, but that is not an acceptable excuse. These are dangerous times, ladies and gentlemen. It is never wise to venture out alone after dark, not even at Hogwarts. You are supposed to set examples for the other students. You're extremely lucky more did not happen to you. Unfortunately, I cannot punish you, Miss Granger, since you will be leaving in the morning. The rest of you have detention with Professor McGonagall for a month. You're getting off easy."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily said meekly, speaking for them all. Hermione's cheeks blazed. It was one thing to share in punishment, but to get off scot-free while everyone else suffered... Hermione was used to getting in trouble alongside her friends, but this was different. Still it was not as if she wasn't going to suffer, too.

"Do you have any idea of the identities of the men who accosted you?" Dumbledore asked.

"No, sir," Hermione said, hoping the others would follow her lead. "They all wore masks."

Dumbledore's eyes swept the crowd, hoping to learn the truth. None of the others students met his eyes. He thought Hermione was probably lying, but there was little he could do. He had warned her about the dangers of changing the future, so she was obviously acting as she saw fit. He would have to trust her.

"Very well. You may all return to your dorm, and I expect you to go immediately to bed. You may say goodbye in the morning. Miss Granger, please come to my office at eleven sharp tomorrow."

"Thank you, Professor," Lily said again. She took Hermione's hand and led her out of Dumbledore's office. The rest trailed behind them, not talking. It was a silent trek back to Gryffindor tower, but once inside, Sirius turned to face his friends.

"Well, it sucks that we got caught," he started, his eyes regaining their twinkle. "But I say bloody good show, mates! Those Death Eaters are no match for the Marauders! We creamed them!"

"Lord, Sirius, we could have all been killed," Lily said, exasperated.

"No way," Sirius said, grinning. "Dumbledore would have saved us if absolutely necessary, but we already had 'em licked! Well, Moony was in a bit of a tight spot, but that's only cause they caught him off guard. We'd have squared that away in another moment anyway. I only wish Prongs could've gored them a little."

"You're an idiot if you think that was a good time, Sirius," Hermione snapped. "The only reason I got away is that Malfoy was too distracted to remember I had my wand. He could have seriously hurt me before you guys got there; the others had you distracted and he had plenty of time to do what he wanted to me."

Sirius's smile faded. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I didn't mean to make light... I know that must have been traumatic."

"It was, and it wasn't easy for Remus to watch me leave with him," she said. "Look, I know you guys are tough, but you're not invincible. You must know that. Those men were careless and stupid tonight. That is not the way Death Eaters usually are."

"How do you know so much, Hermione?" Remus asked. It was the first he had spoken since the forest. "Do you have experience with Death Eaters? Where are you from? You're leaving tomorrow; can't you finally be honest with us?"

"No. None of that matters."

"It does to me!"

"Well, I've already told you as much as I can," she said, dangerously close to tears again. "I just can't say anymore now."

"When can you? You're leaving, are we always going to be in the dark?"

"For now, yes," she answered. "I"m sorry, Remus, but we've been over all of this already."

"Fine," Remus said, eyes blazing. "We're done here. Thank you guys for rescuing us. Hermione, I hope you'll understand when I don't say goodbye tomorrow. We have nothing more to say to one another."

"Moony-" James started. Remus waved his protests away, and without another look to Hermione, marched to bed.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," Peter said. "But you must have realized you couldn't just waltz in and out of his life. I respect your privacy, Hermione, everyone has secrets, but you can't be hurt that he's reacting naturally to you. Not to mention you scared him to death tonight. I'm glad you came, Hermione, I really am. You're a nice girl and a lot of fun. You could've been good for Moony, too, and Merlin knows Lily needed another girl. But you've done some damage, too, and you need to know that."

"Don't be so hard on her, Wormtail," Sirius protested.

"No, he's right," said Hermione. The irony of Peter Pettigrew saying these words was not lost on her. It kept the tears from falling; would that she could explode, right now, and tell him about all the damage _he _would cause. "I'm sorry I befriended you all under false pretenses; I thought I was acting for the best. My feelings for you are all very genuine. I'm also sorry I hurt Remus, but that was unintentional, too. We've known each other for a short time. It won't take him long to get over me."

"I think you're wrong there, Granger," said Sirius. "But frankly, that's not your problem. It's ours and Moony's. We're his friends, we'll help him. I've liked having you here, Granger, and despite everything that's happened, so has Moony. But you really should have picked me; I bounce back a lot quicker."

"Let's go to bed," said James wearily. "There's really nothing more to talk about. Hermione, you're a Gryffindor. That, to me, means you're trustworthy. Remus knows that, deep down. We'll miss you, but you're right. You weren't here very long, and maybe we'll see you again. In the meantime, I think it's best to say goodbye and move on."

Hermione nodded. James's words both comforted and hurt her. She knew that for James, Sirius and Peter, they _would _be fine in a day or two without her. Remus and Lily probably wouldn't take much longer, and could she blame them? She was the new girl; here today, gone tomorrow. It wasn't like she had attended all her schooling with these people. She'd known them a few short months. As much as she loved them, they weren't Ron and Harry, and she did not belong there anymore. She just wasn't sure she belonged back home, either. The present held the evidence of what she had left unsaid, the _real _damage she had caused. Not Remus's heart; James's, Lily's and Sirius's lives. Tomorrow, she would begin dealing with that. For now, she just needed to sleep.

Lily woke her in the morning by jumping on the bed. She wore a huge smile, as if last night hadn't happened, as if Hermione wasn't leaving that day. It was infectious; Hermione couldn't help but grin back at her pretty friend.

"I refuse to let you leave on a down note, Hermione," she said. "Get yourself prettied up. We're having breakfast in the common room, and then we'll say goodbye. The boys are placing orders with the house elves as we speak. I've got my camera, too, so we can take a couple of pictures. Remus might even put in an appearance. Up, up, up!"

"Alright, I'm up," she said, laughing and climbing out of bed. "Let me take a quick shower, and I'll be right down." She bathed and dressed quickly, performing a drying spell on her unruly hair. She was glad Lily was being so positive and cheery. It was already making the day easier for her. _Breakfast, then goodbye. I can do this. Buck up, Granger. Keep it together a little while longer, and you'll be set._

When she reached the common room, Hermione was touched to see a breakfast table laden with her favorite treats and several dozen roses. Lily and the boys - even Remus - were crowded around, smiling at her. It hardly seemed possible that the night before they had quarreled, let alone been attacked by Death Eaters. Obviously they wanted to go out on a high note, for which Hermione was grateful.

"This is too much," she said simply.

"Well, I wanted to send you out the door with a muffin and a dandelion," Sirius said. "But Moony wouldn't hear of it."

"Thank you, Remus."

"I guess you deserve a proper going away after that debacle last night," he said. "We'll talk after, okay?"

She nodded, wondering if the other boys had performed some sort of cheering charm on him. She decided not to question his motives, but to merely enjoy their last moments together as teenagers.

The breakfast was friendly and familiar. They spent the next hour laughing, hugging, snapping pictures and badmouthing Snape. It created the perfect memory, something to cherish when she returned to a future without James, Lily and Sirius. Looking at the black-haired boy, Hermione wondered for the first time if Sirius had recognized her at the Shrieking Shack third year. Surely he would have said something, since he had nothing to lose that night. She silently thanked Draco Malfoy for his nasty curse, and the subsequent shrinking of her teeth. Obviously, it made a big difference.

"Okay," James said. "Hermione, I don't want to break up our party anymore than I want you to leave, but you have to be at Dumbledore's soon. Give me a hug."

She did, clinging hard and memorizing his smile. She hugged Peter and Sirus in turn. Sirius gave her a little pinch, causing her to shriek and giggle. She decided that was how she wanted to remember Harry's brave, reckless godfather - charming, rakish and surrounded by his best friends. _That _was Sirius Black. She couldn't form the same sweet memory for Peter, knowing what she did, but perhaps their brief frienship would come in handy.

"Now me," said Lily, blinking back tears. "It was good while it lasted. I won't forget you, Hermione, and I hope you will come back and see us again soon. If James finally manages to wear me down I'm going to need some bridesmaids." James whooped behind her.

Hermione struggled to keep her voice even. "I think that's a pretty good possibility. I hope I see you again, too, Lily. You've meant more to me than you can know. Thank you for everything." She pulled Lily into a hug, holding her as tightly as she could.

"Hermione?" Remus said. "Can I walk you to Dumbledore's?"

"I'd like that," she said, stepping back from Lily and wiping her tears. She looked at her friends for the last time and followed Remus out of the tower. They walked in silence for several moments.

"Cheering charm, in case you were wondering," Remus said suddenly, confirming her suspicions. "Sirius distracted me while James non-verbaled me this morning on our way to the loo. He said it was for my own good. It has helped, a little. I'm not as mad at you."

"I'm glad," Hermione said. "I wish artificial means weren't the answer, but I'll take what I can get, I guess. Does this mean you understand?"

"No, and when it wears off, I'll probably be twice as mad," he answered. "But it'll do for now. Maybe it's not my place to understand, maybe it's just okay for me to accept."

"God, I wish you really felt like that," Hermione said. "You have no idea how much that would mean to me."

"It might be true, some day," said Remus. "I really care about you Hermione, you know that. I don't want you to go and I don't like you lying to me. But I lie, too. You obviouly believe it's for the best and I suppose that will have to be good enough."

"I don't know if it's for the best or not, Remus, I really don't. It's just the way it has to be, you know? I could kiss Sirius right now for giving you that potion; finally we're speaking. I wish we had a little more time."

"I hope you wouldn't waste that time kissing Padfoot," said Remus. "Like I said, it'll wear off soon. Want to take advantage before it does?"

Hermione practically threw herself into his arms, crying and kissing and hugging all at once. Remus returned her fervence, losing himself in the taste and feel of her one last time.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm really sorry it's been so long since the last chapter. I'll do better, promise! I'm sure **_**Deathly Hallows **_**will give me some inspiration!**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all, as we'll be reminded in a week! **

"Hermione?" A voice called her from very far away. It was a voice she knew well, but she couldn't quite place it. Her head felt heavy. "What the hell happened to her?"

"I don't know," another familiar voice answered the first. "I was in here ten minutes ago, and she was fine. Did you hear anything? A crash?"

"Nothing. Hermione. Hermione, wake up!"

"I'm not asleep," she said huskily. "I'm just resting my eyes."

"Oh, thank Merlin," the first familiar voice said. "What happened? Can you open your eyes?"

She did, slowly, blinking and trying to clear her vision. The room was fuzzy, as were the figures before her. She saw black hair. "James? What are you-" She stopped suddenly, her eyes flashing back into focus and her memory snapping into place. After their last kiss, she had left Remus and gone to Dumbledore. The moment she entered his office, he had handed her a time turner and a picture. That was the last thing she remembered before the voices. She struggled to sit up, reaching a hand for the boys to help her. _Her _boys. Harry. Ron. She was home. She was really home.

"Did you just call me James?" Harry asked, helping her into a sitting position. "How hard did you hit your head?"

"Pretty hard," she said. "I think I tripped."

"You scared us," Ron told her. "I came into the room to tell you we got the locket and you were lying here, unconscious."

"Did Sirius's mum leave something nasty we didn't find before?" Harry asked. He smoothed the hair back from her forehead.

"The locket? What day is it?"

"Merlin, you did hit your head, girly," Ron said. "Hermione, it's the 17th. We just got here a few hours ago to find Slytherin's locket, remember? I left you in here not ten minutes ago. And we found it. We got the Horcrux."

If he was expecting a celebration, Ron was disappointed by Hermione's reaction. Ten minutes?? She had been in 1976 for almost four months and it had only been ten minutes here? She knew how time turners worked, of course, but she had certainly never gone back this far before, or been in the past that long. _Ten minutes???_

"Hermione are you alright?" Harry asked, looking even more concerned. "You look like you're getting a nasty bump on your head. Lupin's meeting us here soon; why don't you let him look at it?"

"What?" she asked, panicking and trying to get to her feet. She winced at the pain in her head and sat back down. "Remus is coming here?" _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God_. This was the absolute worst case scenario. How had he been normal towards her all these years? How could she be normal now?

"Yes, _Remus _is on his way now," Ron said, looking at her strangely. "He is working with us, after all. We need him to help us destroy the Horcrux."

"Right," she said weakly. For the love of God, couldn't she have had a little time before she saw him? She was kissing him minutes ago, and now he was on his way, and he was twenty years older, and she was exactly the same. Ron was still staring at her as if she'd sprouted Prongs' antlers. _Ron_. She hadn't laid eyes on him in more than three months and now here he was, looking as adorable as when she'd left. By his time line, they'd kissed days ago and had spent most of the morning flirting and arguing. By hers, she'd spent the last few months in love with another man. Her stomach knotted up in nervous, confused guilt.

"Ron, why don't you get Hermione a glass of water," Harry said.

"No, I'm fine, really, I just need a minute."

"I'll be right back," Ron said, ignoring her protests. "Keep her still, Harry, until Lupin can look at her head."

Harry nodded. Hermione started to argue, but knew it was useless. Her head _was _a little sore, and she knew after her recent adventures she really did need to rest. Unfortunately, all she wanted to do was pace wildly and wait for Remus to arrive.

Hermione and Harry sat in silence for several moments. It was funny - Hermione had been crazy to return to her own time, to see Harry and Ron and stop the torment she felt being in the past. Now she was back with her best friend and she had nothing to say. She felt shy and uncomfortable, sure that he could see the truth all over her face. What could she say to the boy whose parents she helped murder with her silence?

"Hermione," Harry started tentatively. "How's your head?"

"A little better."

"You called me James," he said. "Why would you do that?"

She looked at him and tried to smile. "I don't know, I was a little out of it. This place makes me think of Sirius, I guess."

"Yeah, but--"

"I don't know, Harry. It was weird, I know. Sorry."

"Okay," he said, apparently willing to drop the subject for the moment. "Ron must be waiting downstairs for Lupin. I sent word when we found the locket; he should be here soon."

Hermione nodded, hoping her cheeks were not as hot as they felt. She knew if Harry studied her for too long he would see she was different. She tried to remember what she had been doing with them at Grimmauld Place that morning, but it seemed like a life time ago. She sat, fidgeting, and started counting the seconds. How would she now react to having Remus and Ron in the same room? How would Remus act? He'd certainly never shown her any sort of inappropriate attention in the past. How could he have been such a good actor all these years? Had their time together been so brief he had forgotten her?

"Hermione?" Ron's voice called up the stairs. "Lupin's here; he's going to look at your head. Do you want me to make you some tea?"

"Yes, thank you," she called back, struggling to keep her voice steady. Anything to keep her from facing her two loves at the same time.

"Harry, you want some?"

"Sure, mate." Harry looked at Hermione and grinned suddenly. "The locket's a good find, Hermione, but you didn't have to beat your head against the floor in celebration. I thought Tonks was supposed to be the clumsy one."

"Ha ha," she said, her stomach flipping at the name of her - rival? Was that the right word?

"I hear we've made some progress," Remus said, entering the room. "Good work, guys."

Harry grinned again. "Well, we deserved a good break, don't you think?"

"Definitely," Remus agreed. He walked over to Hermione and kneeled beside her. "You okay? Ron said you hit your head."

She nodded, unable to speak. There was no recognition in his eyes. He looked at her as he always had before - a bright, talented young witch, and best friend to Harry. Nothing more. She sucked in her breath as he touched her head. The handsome, hazel-eyed boy was still in there; she could see him through the lines and graying hair. His touch felt the same: light, soft and full of promise. She wanted to kiss his hand, she wanted to pull him down into an embrace. This was not good. It was too soon to see him, she had expected more time!

"Well, there's a little bump, but probably nothing to worry about," Remus said.

"Thanks," she whispered. _Get yourself together, Hermione_. She cleared her throat and said in a louder voice, "I thought as such. I don't know what I was doing. Clumsy, is all."

"I don't like that you lost consciousness, though," he said, frowning. "We'll just have to keep a close eye on you the next couple of days."

"That we'll do," said Harry, turning towards the door. "What in the world is taking Ron so long? Oy! What are you doing?"

"Steeping the tea, Mr. Impatient," Ron called back. Hermione smiled a little, pleased to be listening to her friends again. It felt normal, which she very much needed at the present. "Come down and help me! We'll make biscuits."

"Lord, I guess its not a party without some biscuits," Harry mumbled. "Lupin, will you help Hermione down the stairs in a few minutes? She might still be unsteady."

"Really, Harry, that's not necessary, and I am right he-"

"Of course," Remus answered, rising to his feet. "No sense in exerting yourself, Hermione."

She sighed, stiffening slightly as Harry left the room. She really did not want to be alone with Remus at this point. Still sitting, she leaned against the wall for support. _Ron. Think about Ron. Red hair. Blue eyes_. _Red hair, blue eyes. Red hair, blue-_

"This really is a breakthrough," Remus said, breaking the silence and her inner chant. "You three should be proud. This is a dangerous mission and you and Ron are to be commended for helping Harry like you are."

"We're friends," she said simply. "Of course we'll always help Harry."

"Friends," he said musingly. "Watching the three of you together makes me really miss James and Sirius sometimes."

"I can only imagine what that's like, losing all of your closest friends," Hermione said, her voice breaking slightly. She struggled against the tears that had been so frequent lately. She already missed Lily and that always present guilt started gaining strength again.

"Yeah, I believe you do know," he said, turning to her suddenly. He dropped down on his knees again beside her. "It gets a little easier, but the hole is always there. I bet you'll dream about her."

"Wh-" Hermione was cut off abruptly by Remus clamping his lips to hers. Amazed, she immediately responded, pulling him closer and winding her fingers through his hair, which was much shorter than she remembered. His own hands were pulling softly at her curls, like they always did. After what seemed like forever, he pulled back, looking at her with a shocked expression on his face.

"Merlin," he said, panting slightly. "I've been waiting to do that for the past twenty years"


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All HP belongs to Jo. I can't wait for Deathly Hallows!!!  
**

**A/N Thanks for all the positive reviews; they inspired me to post a lot sooner than I normally do.  
**

"What?" Hermione gasped.

Remus smiled ruefully at her. "I've been waiting to kiss you again for the last twenty years, Hermione. That's a long time to wait. And boy was it worth it." He leaned in and kissed her softly again. He gently yanked one of her curls straight and watched it bounce back. He had missed those pretty curls.

"I don't believe you," she said.

"Then you underestimate your kissing, Hermione," Remus said, grinning and smoothing her hair back from her forehead.

"I don't understand," she said desperately. "All this time--"

"All this time," he agreed.

"But-"

"They're going to wonder where we are," he said, helping her to her feet. "I'll explain later, okay?"

"Later?" she said, her voice taking on a hysterical edge. Surely the world must be going mad. "You'll explain later?"

"Well, we could hash the whole situation out in front of Ron and Harry. Would that be better?"

She glared at him. _Low blow, Moony_.

He sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, Hermione, I didn't mean that. I know you just got back and you've got some questions. Please let's just politely drink some tea, and then I'll tell you everything, alright?"

"I guess it'll have to be." Her eyes flashed hotly at him.

"Don't be a brat, Hermione," he snapped at her. "This is hard for me, too."

"I know, it's just-"

"Hermione, _we will talk about it later_."

"Hermione are you still okay?" Ron yelled up the stairs. "Did she pass out again?"

"I'm fine, Ronald," she called back. "We're coming right now." She turned to Remus. "Fine. We'll talk about it later. Will you help me up, please?"

Wordlessly he arose and helped her climb to her feet. He tried to guide her out of the door, but she wrenched her arm away and started out of the room without him. He sighed heavily and walked behind her. _ All things considered, she's got a lot of nerve being mad at me_, he thought resentfully. _As if I'm the one who's caused this mess_.

Remus and Hermione both put on brave fronts during tea. They laughed and joked with Harry and Ron, buzzed about their horcrux victory and made plans to travel to Godric's Hollow in the coming days. Hermione was proud of herself. In fact, she _was _happy about finding the locket and she was glad to be back with Harry and Ron, too, however confused her feelings were at the moment. She kept her eyes off of Remus, only looking at him when he spoke and determinedly avoiding his eyes when Ron hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. After an hour, Remus rose from the table.

"I'm really, really proud of you all," he said. "You're a credit to the Order and to your parents. I think we'll be able to destroy the Horcrux tomorrow; there are just two more books I want to consult. Can I steal your bookworm away, boys? She'll be a big help."

"You don't need our permission," Ron said, smiling at Hermione. "As long as you have her back by midnight. She turns into a pumpkin then."

"Ha ha," she said. Now she was supposed to leave with him? Perfect! "Are we staying here tonight?"

"I don't really want to," Harry said. "Meet us back at the Burrow when you can, alright? Lupin, let us know as soon as we can destroy this thing."

"Will do," he answered. "Hermione? Do you mind helping me with the books?"

"Of course not," she said in what she hoped was a normal tone. "Where are they?"

"They're in my library at home," he said. "I won't have you out too long."

"Ooo, if Tonks is there naked let me know," Ron said.

"Ron!" Hermione snapped, her face bright red.

"Just teasing, Professor," Ron said, winking at Harry.

"That's quite alright," Remus said, as red as Hermione. "Tonks is working tonight, but I'll be sure to pass the message on to her for you."

Ron laughed merrily and grabbed Hermione, kissing her lightly on the mouth. "You know I only have eyes for you," he whispered to her. "Take good care of her and watch that head, okay?"

"Will do," Remus managed. Watching Ron with Hermione made him feel a little guilty about their earlier kiss, and the mention of Tonks made him feel a _lot _guilty. _ Well, no taking it back now, Moony, _his inner Sirius said_. Besides, she was the one cheating, not you. You didn't even know the fair Nymphadora back then. You're free and clear _. That wasn't fair to Hermione, and he knew it. This wasn't an easy situation for anyone.

They didn't speak as they left the house. He silently gripped her hand and apparated them both to his flat. It was almost clinically neat inside. The only personality was an overstuffed bookshelf and a framed picture of Lily, James and Sirius; Hermione recognized it as the same wedding picture Harry had. She stood awkwardly, unsure what do with her hands or where to look. Anywhere but at him, she decided. He seemed to have the same idea, as he stared fixedly at the picture.

"Tea?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"I think I'm about tea-ed out, thank you, Remus," she said, smiling a little.

"Sorry," Remus said, finally looking at her. "I'm a little nervous."

"Well, we've got that in common," she answered. "Can I sit down? Are there actually books for us to read?"

"Of course, and of course not," Remus said, grinning at her and motioning her towards the couch. "I know how to destroy that particular Horcrux, and it will get done first thing tomorrow."

"Good. One more down, four to go."

"Like I said, you three really should be comm-"

"Can we please dispense with the small talk?" Hermione interjected. "I've had a bit of a stressful day, and if you have answers for me I'd really appreciate it."

"You know what happened, Hermione," he said, sitting as far from her on the couch as he could get. "You got a Time Turner, it sent you back in time. Dumbledore sent you back."

"Remus! I didn't set the damn thing, how did it send me there? Even if it was set, it should have sent me to Grimmauld Place, not Hogwarts! And how is it that you've known me for the last four years and never mentioned that we used to be boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Cause _that _would have been an appropriate conversation to have with my thirteen year old student," he snapped, getting angry in spite of himself.

"God, please just be straight with me," she yelled, rising to her feet. "Do you have any idea what I've been through the last few months? I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, Remus, going back in time made me responsible for everything! _Everything_!" She started crying, angry, desperate tears and looked at him pleadingly. "Please, _please _help me understand.

"You're not responsible for other people's actions, Hermione."

"What about my inaction? I woke up there, and I saw you all and I thought I could change things. And I did nothing!"

"Hermione, do you trust Dumbledore's judgment?" Remus asked.

"Yes, of course I do," she said, wiping at her eyes.

"Then you know in your heart you did the right thing," he said. "Believe me, it took a long time for me to realize that. When I found out who you were, I wanted to rail against you. And then again, when Sirius died, I wanted to - well, the less said the better. But you wouldn't have even known why I was angry."

"God, I am so, so sorry, you have no idea."

"I have a little bit of an idea," he said ruefully. "Look, Hermione, this hasn't been easy for me, either. But Dumbledore told you not to do anything, and he was right. You can't change the past, Hermione. All you can do is learn to live with it."

"I wish it was that easy."

"It'll have to be. You may never forgive yourself. I know I haven't. What if Harry and Ron died, and you were the only one left? Do you know how that feels? When James and Lily died, and Sirius was sent to prison,_ I _nearly died. But you learn to go on. It takes a long, long time, but you move on. And _you _still have your friends to help you."

"I murdered Harry's parents," Hermione whispered miserably. She sank back onto the couch.

"_Voldemort _murdered James and Lily. Period. Bellatrix Lestrange murdered Sirius and Snape murdered Dumbledore. _It was not your fault_."

"I wish I believed that."

"You will. In time."

"Okay," she sighed. "But what about the rest of it? Did you guys all know? Why hasn't Peter moved against me? How did you stay so normal while I was in your class?"

"Well, you were thirteen, Hermione," Remus said. "It wasn't that hard to stay off."

"Fourteen," Hermione corrected him.

"Well, that makes all the difference. I was your professor, Hermione. Period. And you weren't the girl I knew yet."

"What happened when I left, Remus?"

He looked at her for a long time. Her eyes were bright with tears, and he was again reminded of how much he had loved her. "After you left, Dumbledore gave us a couple days and then called us to his office. He said you were on a dangerous, top-secret mission for the French ministry and any knowledge we had of you could potentially be damaging. He offered to wipe our memories of you. Completely voluntary, he said."

Hermione thought about the implications of this, and her heart suddenly hurt at the thought that Lily and the others would have had no memory of their friendship. "But then how did you-"

"I asked him not to. I guess I was being selfish, everyone else agreed. He wiped the whole school's memory of you. We were the only ones he asked, since we were closest to you. I believed what he told us, it explained why you were always lying. But I didn't want to lose you. It was hard; I couldn't talk about you at all because no one remembered you. I think Lily did, sometimes. She told me she dreamed about my future wife, and that she had wild curls and big brown eyes."

Hermione was speechless. He had chosen to remember her.

"I was glad I remembered you," he continued. "You gave me some comfort, especially when everything started unraveling. I thought about going to France to look for you after James died, but Dumbledore said it would only jeopardize your mission. He didn't tell me the truth until I came to teach in your third year. Needless to say, I went a bit insane."

"What did you do?"

"I damn near changed, full moon or not. But Dumbledore was a great man, and he had done the right thing. I knew that. I know that now, too."

"But in class -"

"It was odd, seeing you at first," Remus said. "I guess that's a bit of an understatement, really, but I hadn't seen you in fifteen years, Hermione. And you were just this bossy, bright little witch, leading your friends around. When I saw you with Harry, so many things made sense. You saw through me right away, too. I was really impressed with you, not as my ex-girlfriend but as a talented young witch. I could already tell you and Ron were in love, too. That made it easier for me to distance myself from you."

"We weren't-" she stopped herself. Of course she had loved Ron then. She had always loved him. _Then why did you fall in love with Remus, too_?

"It's okay, Hermione. When we found out the truth about Sirius, nothing else seemed to matter. I had my friend again. Dumbledore and I told him everything about you, and he gave him back his memories via pensieve. He wasn't mad at you, either, Hermione. Truth be told, he was a bit mortified about flirting with you all those years ago."

Hermione blushed and smiled at the thought of Sirius's propositions towards her. He really had been quite the charmer.

"It was a little harder working with you in the Order, seeing you that year at Grimmauld," Remus said. "You were starting to look more like I remembered. It was bit awkward, frankly, for Sirius, too, I think. And I was starting to fall for Tonks. I didn't want to - I guess a part of me was waiting for you, but she's strong-willed, that one. Then Sirius died, and I had to forgive you all over again. I did, Hermione, and Sirius would have, too."

She started crying again. "I miss them. I know I just saw them today, at least by my time, but I really miss them."

"You'll always miss them. Like I said, it gets a bit easier."

"Do you love her?" she asked suddenly.

"I do," he answered simply, knowing who she meant. "I moved on, Hermione, I had to. I waited for so long... I knew the time was coming soon, but it just felt _wrong_, waiting for you like that. I'm an old man, Hermione and you're a young girl. And you love Ron."

"You kissed me."

"I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be," she said, sliding close to him. Her emotions were out of control, but all she could think right now was that he had chosen to remember her, that he had held her in his heart for the last twenty years. "Kiss me again."

"Hermione-"

She put her finger to his lips, stilling his protest. "Please, just kiss me."

He did, pulling her close to him and kissing her with that same fire he had earlier in the day. Soon she was under him on the couch, pulling desperately at his clothes and willing herself to forget everything, to just lose herself in his kisses and touch.

"Hermione, we have to stop," he panted, pushing off of her. "This isn't right. You've been through too much to be thinking straight right now."

"Don't you want me?"

"You know the answer to that. But it's wrong, I will not take advantage of you like this."

"I'm a grown woman, Remus," she said. "I can make my own decisions."

"And I make mine," he said firmly. "It isn't right, not like this. This isn't what you want, and I don't know if it's what I want, either. Look, just go to the Burrow tonight. We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

"Not okay! You're still treating me like one of your students! I'm not going to force myself on you, Remus, your virtue is safe with me," she said nastily. "Or is your girlfriend on the way? Are you scared to be alone with me now?"

"A little," he admitted. "And you should be, too. Hermione, I really am sorry for what you're going through right now. But neither one of us is in our right mind at the moment. Go to the Burrow, get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning. There's still more to tell, but I think we've said enough for tonight. Please, Hermione."

"Fine, I'll go. Say hi to Tonks for me."

"Her-" he started, but she was gone. He sighed and leaned back on the couch. He had hoped that their kiss would satisfy him once and for all, would give him the closure they both needed so they could move on with their lives. But he realized his feelings were just as strong as they had ever been. There was still much to tell her. Dumbledore had managed to modify the memories of everyone in the school, but he hadn't known about Lucius Malfoy. Remus knew that Malfoy hadn't recognized Hermione as a young girl. She was grown now, though, and it was possible he now knew who she was. Hermione was still in danger from the Death Eater. If Malfoy knew who she was, it was only a matter of time before he got word to Voldemort. He knew the Death Eaters would try to turn Harry and the Order against Hermione. Remus never wanted to tell Harry the truth, but it looked like he was going to have to.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: All Harry Potter belongs to JKR!**

_A/N This fic won't become Deathly Hallows compliant, although I may use parts of that brilliant novel. I for one absolutely loved it - even the epilogue!!_

"It's a terrible idea, Hermione," Harry told her flatly. "No good can come of it."

"I think you're wrong," she replied. "Look, it won't take long, and we can still go to Godric's Hollow on Monday as planned. It's just a quick stop."

"No."

"You're not my father, Harry," Hermione said hotly. "You can't tell me what to do." Hermione had been arguing with Harry for the last ten minutes. She had risen early, but Harry had beaten her. He was already sipping tea when she entered the kitchen, looking deep in thought. The Burrow was familiar enough that she had not had any confusion upon waking; her mind was firmly back in 1997, for which she was grateful. Ron, always a late sleeper, was still predictably snoring away upstairs.

"Of course I can't tell you what to do," Harry said. "I can just hope that you know I have your best interests at heart. It's a bad place, Hermione. You have no business there."

"We need all the information we can get, Harry. Lucius Malfoy was one of Voldemort's right-hand men. He's weak now, and we can use that to our advantage." Hermione had been hurt, angry and more confused than ever when she left Remus the night before. Seeing Ron again had rejuvenated the feelings she'd buried in Marauders' time, but her feelings for Remus were strong, too. She knew her anger towards Harry right now were just misdirected, but it didn't stop her glare or sharp tone.

"What reason would he have for helping us?" Harry asked. He had no idea why Hermione had suggested the visit to Azkaban, but it left him cold. He told her what he felt: no good would come of it. For some reason Hermione was adamant about it, and being rather nasty on the subject.

"Maybe we can dangle early release in front of him or something."

"We can't make that deal, Hermione, and Lucius knows it. Besides, I don't want him let out early. He tried to give me to Voldemort on several occasions, if you remember correctly. He belongs in prison."

_And he tried to rape me_, Hermione thought. _I know where he belongs_. Aloud, she said, "I know that, Harry. I understand how you feel; I don't want him out, either. But I do want to talk to him. I think I can get some information from him."

"Forgive me, Hermione, but why in the hell would Lucius tell you anything? He hates muggleborns as it is, and Draco has certainly added to his poisonous feelings about you in particular. Why on earth would he help you?"

"I don't know, but I think it's worth a try, Harry," she said. "You're not the only one who can get results from people."

"Hermione, you're taking this a little personally and you're being ridiculous. Where did this even come from? Are you sure your head's not still hurting from yesterday?"

"That's nice, Harry, real nice," she snapped back at him. "I'm fine. Head's fine, thinking's clear. I think it's a good idea, Harry, even if you don't."

"You're right, I don't."

"Well, too bad, because I am going. And I'd appreciate if you'd let me go alone."

"Now you know that's not going to happen, Hermione," Harry said, shaking his head in disbelief. What was with her? "Look, we're going about this the wrong way. There's no reason to fight."

"You're fighting with me," she said, before she could stop herself. She knew she sounded like an infant, but Harry was infuriating her. Bottom line, he couldn't tell her what to do.

"Well, then I'll stop fighting," he said with a long-suffering sigh. "I wish you would reconsider, Hermione, but I guess I can't physically restrain you. If you feel that strongly about it, we'll wake Ron right now and go."

_God, Ron too? Great._ Hermione huffed deeply, but she knew she was stuck. There was really no way around taking the two of them with her. She also knew that she should probably scrap the whole idea. There was little chance Lucius remembered the mudblood he'd terrorized twenty years ago, and even less chance that he had connected her to Hermione. He certainly had given her no special attention the few times they had been face to face. To remind him now was almost certainly a terrible mistake. Remus, who she was sure _did_ remember, would have a fit. Sirius, James and Lily were no doubt screaming from their graves.

_Brilliant idea, Granger_, Sirius's voices told her. _Maybe you could go ahead and alert Harry to_ _your recent activities while you're at it. Should we also tell Ron you used to snog Moony?_

Still, she wanted to visit Malfoy. She knew that she had looked different when she had met him in her second, fourth, and even fifth years. If he saw her now, it might jog his memory, and she had to make sure that happened on _her _terms. She had to know. _And if necessary, I'll obliviate his albino ass. I wasn't Gilderoy Lockhart's best student for nothing. Memory charms may not your biggest strength, but I daresay you can manage one in a pinch.  
_

Two hours later, Hermione, Ron and Harry stood outside the "visitor's room" in Azkaban. They had been granted special permission to visit Malfoy; Harry's "chosen one" status did open some doors. The room was of course heavily guarded, but Hermione's stomach was still filled with butterflies. Harry and Ron had agreed to let her have ten minutes - and only ten - alone with Malfoy. She thought it would be enough.

"We'll be right out here," Ron said for the fifth time. "If you're one minute late, we're coming in."

"I'll be fine," she said, not really believing it. "There are guards in there, and you're right out here. I have my wand; he doesn't. I swear this is a good idea." Before either boy could protest again, Hermione opened the door and stepped inside, casting muffliato so the guards couldn't hear her conversation with Lucius. She ignored the feeling she always got when using one of the "Prince's" spells. Lucius was sitting at a table, looking at her with frank curiosity. Azkaban had done him no favors in the looks department, but Hermione could still see his basic arrogance underneath. Without the dementors, she guessed Azkaban wasn't quite as bad as it used to be; still, it was obviously bad enough. She sat down at the table across from him, and slid her wand out of her pocket, hiding it on her lap.

"Miss Granger," he stated, polite contempt in his voice. "To what do I owe this... pleasure, is it?"

"Mr. Malfoy," she replied. "I thought perhaps we could have a little chat."

"Well, mudbloods aren't my first choice for conversation partners. Neither are Gryffindors, for that matter, but under the circumstances, I'd say you're a step up from my usual companions. In fact, you look downright charming."

"How kind of you," she said woodenly. Lucius had no unusual recognition in his eyes; he was staring at her with the same disdainful disinterest she had seen on their previous, pre-time traveling interactions. _What a waste of time._

"What can I do for you, Miss Granger? Surely you don't expect to glean any information from me. You know better than that. And where are your watchdogs? Draco tells me you're rarely without your boyfriends. He's had some interesting theories about how the three of you spend your time, but I'd hate to sully the ears of such proper young lady, mudblood or not. Although you do look rather pretty when you blush. Draco seems to think so, although he puts things a little differently."

Hermione inwardly shuddered. Lucius was bad enough. She didn't need Ferret-Face on her tail as well. "Harry and Ron are outside, Mr. Malfoy. I asked to speak with you alone."

"Indeed?" Malfoy smirked. "Perhaps Draco was right. He always implied you might have a thing for Slytherins."

"I'd rather keep my breakfast down, if you don't mind," she snapped, forgetting herself. "Let's not mention the ferret again, or his sick fantasies, agreed?"

"Ferret, huh," he said musingly. Hermione paled at the speculative look on his face. He looked as if he'd just swallowed a remembrall. _God, Hermione, did you _want _him to remember? You are the stupidest girl who ever lived. He _knows! "Well, well, well. I thought perhaps that was you. Not at first, of course. When we met in Diagon Ally... Well, you really were the most appalling looking child. Such hair! Such teeth! I don't mean to be unkind, my dear, but you gave mudbloods a bad name." He smiled as she narrowed her eyes at him and gripped her wand tightly beneath the table. "But when I saw you again at the Department of Mysteries, I thought you'd grown up nicely. Even, I daresay, a little pretty. And you looked familiar to me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Malfoy."

"Don't let's play dumb, Miss Granger. I remember Draco's little transformation in his fourth year and the long ago terms of endearment my lost mudblood bestowed on me. And it's not so hard to do the math, especially when the answer's right in front of me. My, my, how time flies. Time Turner, was it? How novel. Have you just gotten back, my dear? And you rushed all this way to see me? I'm flattered."

"I told you I don't -"

"Don't play games with me, mudblood," he said, all false civility gone from his voice. "Why did you come here? Revenge? That was twenty years ago, at least by my calendar. Or did you want to see if I recognized you? I might not have, if not for your little slip of the tongue. I would have simply remarked on the resemblance. For one thought so intelligent you're rather stupid, child. So what is it? Are you afraid I'll tell all? I imagine it would be quite the shock to your friend Potter. Weren't you rather good friends with his mother? Pity you didn't warn her of her fate."

"You're delusional," she said, trying to keep her voice calm. "I merely came her to try to get information. I thought it might be beneficial for you to cooperate with me, but I see it was a waste of time. I'll leave now."

"Wouldn't you like to call Potter and the Weasley boy in here first?" he sneered. "Fill them in on our little adventure? Our ill-fated love? Or perhaps you wanted to finish what we started all those years ago. I'd be more than up for it. Don't worry, dear, the guards are discreet."

_Obliviate_! Hermione's wand stayed under the table as she silently cast the spell. Her memory charms were generally rather lackluster, but she thought it would work against a weakened Lucius, especially with the anger she felt behind it.

"Miss Granger?" Lucius said in a puzzled voice, and Hermione felt her first true sense of relief since she'd returned from 1977. "To what do I owe this... pleasure, is it?"

"Mr. Malfoy, forgive me," she said. "I just wanted to see what you looked like in Azkaban. I'm not a bit disappointed, although you should know the uniform does your complexion no favors."

"Why you little mudblood bitch," he spat. "I will -"

"Just on my way out," she said brightly, cutting him off. "I'll give your best to Draco, although you'll probably see him first. No doubt he'll be joining you soon." She rose from the table and strode out of the room, ignoring his curses and shouts. She greeted Harry and Ron with a big smile. "You were right, boys, big waste of time. Come on, I'll buy us lunch." Still smiling, she started toward the floo room, leaving her surprised friends to trail after her.


	16. Chapter 16

"Hermione, are you out of your mind?" Remus was practically panting with anger. "That was the stupidest thing you have ever done. I thought you had some sense, some idea of what the knowledge of your time-traveling could do. Forget Malfoy for a moment. What if you had been caught performing a spell on an Azkaban prisoner? You'd have been thrown in yourself! What if Harry and Ron had borrowed some of Fred and George's stupid ears and thrown them in after you? Is that how you want them to find out? You know better than this, Hermione! It was reckless and thoughtless. Why didn't you tell me what you were going to do? I was already planning to deal with Malfoy. You should never have gone there."

"First of all, I'm fine, so it's really a moot point," Hermione said stubbornly. "None of those 'what ifs?' happened, so let's move on. Second, it was my right to face him - not anyone else's. I wanted to know what he remembered, and I wanted to see him in prison. Both missions accomplished."

"Don't be flip, young lady," he barked at her, his temperature rising.

"'Young lady'?" she repeated incredulously. "_Young lady_? If you remember correctly, you are not my professor anymore and you are certainly not my father. Do not ever address me as 'young lady' again."

"You're right, Hermione. I apologize. You're acting like an infant, not a child." When Hermione, Ron and Harry arrived back at Grimmauld Place that afternoon Remus was waiting for them. Puzzled and alarmed by their unannounced trip, he had been pacing the floors, fearing the worst. Had they been apprehended by Death Eaters? Had they found a horcrux? Had Hermione - shudder - told Ron and Harry the truth? He didn't know whether to expect a black eye or good news. When Harry had told Remus of their trip to Azkaban, he had remained calm on the outside, taking in Harry and Ron's bewildered shrugs and Hermione's triumphant gaze. Harry said that it had calmed Hermione, so he wasn't going to think on it any more, and Ron agreed. Remus didn't feel the same way. He was furious with Hermione, and as soon as Harry and Ron left to check in at the Burrow he had torn into her. Unfortunately, Hermione refused to entertain the notion that she had been wrong; indeed, she was quite pleased with herself, and didn't appreciate Remus's interference.

"An infant? Well that makes you a cradle-robber," she shot back nastily.

"That's low, Hermione."

"Well, you're acting like an old man."

"I am an old man!" he yelled. "I'm not seventeen, in case time travel has made you blind. And we can lie to ourselves all we want, _young lady_, but I could be your father, Hermione, and you know it."

"Don't get so dramatic," she sniffed. She had expected Remus to understand why she went to see Lucius – hadn't he seen firsthand what Malfoy had done to her? Didn't he know what it meant for her to face him? Hermione had been thrilled with her victory over Malfoy. So many things seemed to be spinning out of control that she was grateful for any triumph, no matter how small. He had terrified her numerous times and she still felt slightly sick when she thought of their encounters. Getting the better of him - even if he would never remember - felt good. It felt great, in fact, and she didn't need Remus raining on her little parade.

Remus shifted gears, his anger with her causing him to voice things he'd never planned on saying. "Do you have any idea how disgusting the two of us are, how wrong? What were you thinking, all those years ago? You knew who I was. Look what you've gotten us into."

"You're blaming it on me?" Hermione shouted incredulously. "Suddenly everything's my fault? You were my age, Remus, and let's not forget who instigated what. Let's not forget Remus's Room of Requirement, also known as the Let's Get It On Room. Lucius wasn't the only perv back then."

"You're comparing me to Malfoy?" his voice rose to her level. "That's brilliant, Hermione, just really nice. You know, it's not my fault you were all tarted up Lolita-style back then."

"I was wearing my school uniform!" she screeched. "You've got some nerve, holding me responsible. I was under quite a bit of stress back then, if you'll remember correctly."

"Back then? For you Hermione it was yesterday."

"And it was stressful! It's still stressful. This isn't my fault, and besides, you kissed me yesterday!"

"You kissed me last night!"

In seconds they had crossed to each other and were kissing fervently again. It was ridiculous, he knew. He was still mad at her for the Azkaban stunt, he was still twenty years her senior, and he was also still engaged to Nymphadora Tonks. Remus was fairly certain that Hermione was unaware of his engagement, and he had no doubt she would throw an absolute fit when she learned. He didn't want to break up with Tonks to be with Hermione, and he didn't think she wanted to leave Ron, either. So what were they doing? And what sort of a ridiculous Taming of the Shrew routine were they enacting? Fighting should not lead to kissing. It accomplished nothing, and his anger with her hadn't abated. So why wasn't he pulling away? He took an inward breath - he knew what had to be done.

Finally he broke away from her. "This has to stop."

"I don't want to stop," she breathed. "I want you; I don't care how old you are, or about anything else."

"You sound exactly like Tonks," he said ruefully.

"Well, I guess you have a way with younger women."

"That's not funny. If Harry, Ron or Tonks came in right now they would kill us both."

"Well, they're not here, are they?" she said stubbornly. Each time she kissed him it felt like forever. Maybe they _were _meant to be together. Why else would she have gone back, why else would she be burdened with this guilt? Was Remus her prize, the rainbow after the storm? Why else would he have chosen to remember her?

"We can't be together, Hermione," he said. "You must know that."

"I know nothing of the kind! Why else was I sent back there? It was for you, I know it! And you waited for me, all those years. You love me."

He had to be brutal, for both their sakes. "I love Tonks. I don't love you, Hermione. I never did."

"You're lying," she said, her eyes bright with tears.

"I cared for you a long time ago. There is nothing between us now."

"Then why did you kiss me? Why are you lying?" Her voice rose to a shout.

"You're a beautiful girl, Hermione, and I was weak. It won't happen again." It hurt him to say these words to her, to watch the pain in her eyes, but he knew that he was doing the right thing. He did love her, but it wasn't enough. Seeing her fresh from her voyage, when her heart was full of him – it was so tempting to just lose himself in her, to claim her as his own. _But it wasn't right_. He couldn't go back to that place, where she was all he thought about, and he couldn't hurt Tonks. He didn't_want _to hurt Tonks; he loved her, probably more deeply and truly than he had ever cared for Hermione. He was not seventeen anymore. His feelings for Hermione, though strong, were wrong. Plain and simple.

"Last night, you said you wanted me," she said. "You've got me right now, please don't make me beg. I've been through so much, in such a short amount of time. Harry and Ron can't ever know, not ever. You're the only person I can turn to, the only person who can possibly understand. You said you were still waiting for me. I'm here right now. Please, help me. Just kiss me and this can all go away."

"It doesn't work like that," he said. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly desperate to get away from her. "I'm not the person you want. I was just a distraction, just a way for you to feel better."

"That's not true!" she yelled. "How can you say that to me? For you it was long ago, but I just left there! Two nights ago we escaped Death Eaters together and Lily was alive and she was my friend. Just two days ago, Remus, and you said you could understand, and forgive me and -"

"That was twenty years ago, Hermione!" he exploded. "It's not the same for me. I'm sorry, but it's just not the same. I did choose to remember you and I did care for you. I still do. Even without our history, we're good friends."

"Don't do that. Don't pretend –"

"I'm not pretending, and I'm not trying to hurt you. God knows you've been through enough. You're strong, Hermione, stronger than I could ever be. I am attracted to you, obviously, and of course this is difficult. I've done nothing but make it worse. I'm sorry I kissed you yesterday and again today. It was a mistake, and it confused matters. But we cannot be together. I'm with Dora, and that's who I want. And if you search your heart, you'll see Ron there."

"You're there, too."

"Harry and Ron will be back soon," he sighed, hoping she would understand. "I'm glad you weren't hurt this morning; I hope you got what you needed from Malfoy. I've got to go."

"You're a coward," she sneered in a last-ditch effort. Her words were unfair, but the whole thing was unfair. Her feelings were too confusing, the hurt was too new. She couldn't accept that what happened to her was so long ago for everyone else.

"No, I'm being brave," he said. "I'm making the right choice. There's no future for us, Hermione, there never was. I'm not saying our feelings weren't real. But you were in an impossible situation. It's natural you would cling to someone, and I was a different person back then. You were like a miracle. I can never express how much you meant to me then. But it wasn't real."

"It felt real," she whispered, all of her rage gone. "It still does, or this wouldn't hurt so much. I think if you had lied, if you had pretended your memory was wiped, this would be easier. But you kissed me and told me you waited and made me think... Why didn't you lie?"

"You deserved the truth."

"And Ron and Harry? Tonks? What do they deserve?"

"Our love and respect," he answered. "That's all we can give them. This isn't their story to know. It's ours. Just ours."

"How can I keep this from them? The guilt... Lily and James..."

"It's your cross to bear, Hermione," he told her gently. "No one else's. You did the right thing, never doubt that. Voldemort will be defeated in part because of you. Your friendship meant something to Lily, to all of us. Dumbledore gave you a task, and you performed better than anyone could have expected. I don't know if I could have, Hermione.I don't know why you were sent back, or what everything means. Maybe we can't ever know. You're a brave girl, and you've been through a horrible ordeal. But you also got a gift."

"It feels like a curse."

"I know. But feel proud."

"I can't believe this is happening," she said, tears finally welling in her eyes. "I thought… It was just two days ago that we were together."

"Not for me," he said again. "I was stupid to have led you on, to make you think things were different. I'm sorry I kissed you."

"Don't be," she said. "It'll hold us for a long time. I begged Dumbledore to send me back, you know. I guess I knew... I don't know. I didn't know coming back would hurt this much. I feel torn between two places, two times."

He smiled at her, wishing that he could kiss her one last time and comfort her. But no good would come of it. "I have something for you. Maybe it'll help." Remus pulled a letter out of his pocket, one he had been saving for over a year. "It's from Sirius." Without another word, he put the letter in her hand and walked out of the room. She dimly heard the front door shut and the caterwauling of Mrs. Black. She held the letter limply in her hand, as if it might disappear or combust; she wasn't sure which. She knew she didn't want to read it; knew she couldn't _not_ read it. She couldn't disrespect Sirius. If Remus was to be believed, Sirius didn't blame her, but she didn't think that would make his letter any easier to read.

She sat down at a table and placed the letter before her. How long did she stare at it, unopened? She couldn't be sure; if felt like hours. Finally, with a trembling hand, she tore the letter open and began to read.

_Hey, Granger--_

_I almost slipped and called you that the last time I saw you. Might have been a bit awkward, but now I figure it's okay for two old friends like us. If I can tell you all of this in person that would be great, but something tells me it's not to be. You did get a bit emotional when you saw me for the first time back then, remember? You were crying all over me in the common room, so I don't think it bodes too well for me. Don't get upset. We all go sooner or later, right? I don't know how much time I have, but I'm betting I won't make it to your seventeenth birthday. Too bad; I would have liked to watch you come of age. Was that too dirty? Anyway, Moony can give this to you; he won't peek. And if he does he'll be sorry, because it'll probably get even dirtier towards the end of it._

_It's hard to know exactly what to say. A letter can never tell everything, but maybe I can be a bit more honest than I would be face to face. I wish you could have stayed a bit longer back then, and I wish we had more time now, too, but things are pretty crazy. Just as long as you take care of Harry, we'll be square._

_I was pretty mad at first. James was my best friend, and thirteen years is a long time to spend in Azkaban. I wasn't just angry at you, either; a lot of it was directed towards Dumbledore. I remember you getting pretty weepy back then, so I'm sure you wanted to warn us. But such is life, right? We do what we can with the hand we're dealt. I got nine years with my best friend and a new lease on life thanks to you, Ron and Harry. And I'm glad I didn't have my memories at first, because you can guarantee I would have bitten you if I saw you. But I suppose if Crookshanks liked you, you couldn't be all bad, right? Pretty smart cat you've got there; he was a great friend to me. So were you. Wow. I'm being incredibly gay right now. I do like that cat, though._

_Look, Granger, there's no way for me to tell you not to blame yourself or not to feel guilty. God knows I shouldn't give advice I can't keep myself. Is it hard to know you couldn't help us, that you knew our fates? Yes. It taints things, in a way. But I don't blame you, and neither does Moony. That's the most I can say, other than that Prongs and Lily wouldn't blame you, either. So make of that what you will. _

_As for the other part of things - I'm sorry I hit on you all the time. But you're pretty! That's my only defense; that and I wanted to make Moony mad. That's always fun, at least when there's no full moon. _

_So... Don't go mooning (you see what I did there? I'm a funny guy!) over Moony too much. I mean, no offense, but he is a bit old for you, Granger. I guess he's a bit old for my cousin, too, but he needs someone like her. And I just spent the entire summer with you and Ron, and you need someone like him. You and Moony are too much alike. You'd wind up reciting _Hogwarts: A History_ to one another, and who needs that? I mean, I know we've got that dashing older man quality, but let's face it: Moony's been through the ringer a few times. You kind of need someone a little bit fresher. Seventeen-year-old Moony and thirty-seven year old Moony aren't the same guy, and as time goes on, you'll realize that. This is very presumptuous of me, I realize that, but if I'm not around when you read this, you can't say anything to me anyway. I did tell Moony to give you this letter as soon as you get back, though, because I imagine your feelings are in full gear right now. There's no telling what kind of crazy things you'll do. Just don't forget where you really belong. Moony won't forget. I know he has a soft spot for you, and always will. Hell, so do I. There was one day this summer, you were covered in dirt from cleaning out one of the rooms, and your hair was standing straight up and your shirt was sort of untucked and - well, you looked quite a bit better than it sounds on paper. I thought Moony had been confunded. he looked so out of sorts, but man did you look good. Don't get all red, I'm just trying to pay you a compliment. _

_I'm not trying to tell you what to do and I can't tell you how to feel. Just a bit of advice from an old man. Thoughts of you were obviously a comfort to Remus when he didn't have anything else, but he needed to grow up a little bit, I think. Anyway, that's my advice, such as it is. If he and Tonks aren't already together by now, or if you don't want Ron, then do what you want, I guess. But something tells me I'm a better seer than that old bat Trelawny. _

_One more thing. Don't tell Harry, Granger. It's not betraying his trust; it's keeping his heart safe. He would forgive you, he would still love you, but he wouldn't be able to forget. I don't say this to upset you. You know I'm right._

_You once asked me when you warrant a Hermione, and when you just get Granger. I like Hermione, I really do, but I think I miss Granger a little more. _

_See you soon,_

_Sirius_

_P.S. Do you think you could cover yourself in dirt and stick your hair out for me next time I see you? _


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: All belongs to JKR the genius. **

She sat holding the letter for a long time after she read it - much longer than it had taken her to open it in the first place. Her eyes were sore with the effort to keep back her tears, for she feared that if she began to cry she would never stop. She ached for Sirius, both young and old, for they had been equally important to her. His letter helped her guilt a little, but not much - nothing ever really would, she knew. Time would make it hurt less, but it would never drive it completely away. _And that's as it should be._

When Ron and Harry returned from the Burrow the letter was hidden and she greeted them both with big smiles.

"Horcrux hunting really agrees with you, Hermione," Ron told her with a wry smile.

"You know I have a love of knowledge, Ronald," she said.

"And apparently the Dark Arts," Harry said.

"Oh, do shut up," she snapped. "Can't a girl be happy to see her best friends?"

"Certainly she can," said Harry, pulling her into a hug. "But we're leaving for Godric's Hollow in two days, so your time would be better spent packing."

"Hmph," she said, tossing her hair and leaving the kitchen. "Quite the bossy prat you've become, Harry James Potter. See if I ever waste my smile on you again."

"Just save it for me," Ron called after her. "I quite liked it!"

She returned to her room and began packing; she had quite an arsenal of spells at her disposal and the job was done quickly. She transfigured Sirius's letter so that no one but she could read it and added it to her things. She felt normal for the first time since her return. The work calmed her nerves and reminded her why all of this was necessary. Nothing, not even her confused head and heart, could stand in the way of Voldemort's defeat.

She was finished in less than fifteen minutes, but she remained in her room for the better part of an hour, mentally preparing herself for their journey. It would be long and arduous, and she would be of no help to Harry if she wasn't there one hundred percent. The least she could do for James and Lily is help protect their son, the one they had died for.

She was finally interrupted by insistent knocking at her door. _Can't a girl get _any _time to herself?_

"Come in."

It was Remus. Her heart leapt at the sight of him - maybe he had changed his mind! - but the look on his face quickly dispelled such notions. He looked sheepish and nervous, but not particularly romantic. She sighed dramatically and motioned for him to sit.

"Can't stay away?"

"Something like that," he admitted.

"Where are Ron and Harry?"

"I asked them to go to Diagon Alley for a few supplies for your trip."

"Is that safe? People might be suspicious of their purchases."

"They've got the Invisibility Cloak; they should be fine," he said. "They're going to take the things they need and leave the money so no one notices." He fidgeted on her bed, folding and unfolding his hands. It was hard to look at her.

She sighed again. It was clear he had something to say, but it was equally clear she was going to have to pull it out of him. "Thank you for the letter."

"It was hard not to read it," he said truthfully. "Especially after he died. He wrote it after you all stayed for Christmas. He was making some rather disgusting remarks to me so God only knows what it says."

She smiled and blushed. "He was quite the charmer, wasn't he?"

"Yes. He was at that."

They sat in silence for a few more moments, both thinking about Sirius. Almost without her realizing it, Hermione reached for Remus's hand. He let her hold it.

"I haven't been entirely honest with you," he said at last. He didn't let go of her hand.

"Well, my mind can't be any more blown," she said ruefully. "Enlighten me."

"Dumbledore."

"Yes?"

"Dumbledore sent you back." He spoke the words he had been dreading to tell her. Would she understand? Could she?

"I don't understand," Hermione said, still gripping his hand. "What do you mean? Like, I was supposed to help Dumbledore and that's why I was sent back?"

"No. I mean he set the Time Turner. You were sent back on purpose."

She didn't move. Surely she had misheard him.

"Dumbledore knew you were supposed to go back in time, he just didn't know how it had happened. And then he realized he was the one to do it. He set the time turner and put it where he knew you'd find it. He even programmed it to send you to Hogwarts, which is a rather tricky spell."

"He did this?" she whispered.

"Hermione-"

"He did this to me? On purpose?" Their hands were still clasped; Hermione found that she could not let go.

"Yes. His past involved meeting you in 1977. Therefore, you had to be sent back. He was the only one that could have managed it, the only one that knew how to program the turner in just that way."

"How could he have done that to me?" she was still whispering; all strength seemed to have left her. The only muscle she still had was the one holding his hand for dear life.

"He had to, Hermione. He was almost crying when he told me, because he knew what it meant for you, for all of us. But the past had to happen."

"Why didn't you tell me? Couldn't you change his mind?"

"No, Hermione. You had to find it, you had to go."

"You helped him do this to me."

"Hermione, no, I didn't know until afterward."

"Afterward? It just happened yesterday, Remus, there is no afterward. What, did he tell you in a vision last night?"

"No, Hermione, I mean - Yes. I knew it was going to happen soon. He told me about it last summer, after Sirius died. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wasn't allowed, just like you couldn't warn us all those years ago. It was meant to be. Believe me, I didn't want to, it was killing me -"

"You did this to me," she said.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."

"I think you should go." She was still holding his hand, still whispering.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said. "We need to talk about this."

"Talk about you ruining my life? Talk about you condemning me to guilt and torment? Is that what we should talk about?"

"You're not the only one who has suffered, Hermione," he said. It sounded weak, he knew.

"No. No, you've made that clear. And misery loves company, doesn't it?"

"Hermione, it's not like that. Don't you see? You were already in my past. If Dumbledore hadn't set it, someone else would have. It was destiny that sent you back, just as it was destiny that our friends would die. We can't change the past, Hermione."

"You've said that, time and again. But why?" she suddenly wailed, breaking free from him at last and rising to her feet. "What good did it do? What good did _any _of it do?"

"I think you saved my life," Remus said. "If I hadn't known you, cared about you, I don't know if I could have gone on after James and Lily died, after Sirius was sent to prison. I certainly wouldn't have been able to love Dora the way I do."

"I'm so glad I could help you get laid," she said nastily.

"Hermione, it's not like that, so just listen. I don't expect you to forgive me. I never even wanted to tell you, I wanted to be selfish, a coward. After all my lofty talk about having to forgive you for not saying anything, when I knew it was going to happen, and I did nothing. But I mean what I say. You saved me. My soul, definitely, and probably my life as well. I was pretty bad off and thoughts of you kept me sane. You helped me realize that I could be a normal person, with a normal life. I have that life because of you."

"And what do I have?" she asked. "A broken heart and a guilty conscience."

"Your heart's not broken, Hermione," Remus said. "It's just bruised a little, same as mine. You love Ron, it's no use pretending you don't. We'll always belong to each other, at least a little. We just don't belong together now."

"Why would I even want you now? You've destroyed me."

"Hermione, I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Do not condescend to me. Do not play Professor right now. You need to look at me, really look at me and see what you did."

"What I did?" Remus felt that he too would explode. "Hermione I didn't do this for you, or me! We all have our parts to play, our roles to fill. I'm sorry I'm responsible for your sorrow, just as you're responsible for mine. Do you think this is easy?

"Why did you tell me?" she asked, defeated again. In this one day, she had gone from terrified to triumphant, from hurting to healing and back again. What more in the name of God was she supposed to endure?

"You deserve the truth. We can be honest with each other, if no one else. I know I haven't behaved honorably. This should have been the very first thing I told you, I know that. I'm so sorry, Hermione. But you're a strong girl, Hermione, you've already proven that over and over again. I meant what I said; there's no way I could have done what you have. No one else could have." He willed her to believe him, willed her to forgive him. He had struggled with himself whether or not to tell her the whole truth when the time came. But he wasn't a coward, he couldn't _be_ a coward. It wasn't fair to either of them. She shouldn't have to shoulder the blame alone.

"If it's so easy to set these time turners like this, to use them like this, why don't we? Why doesn't everybody change everything?"

"They don't usually work like that," he said. "For one thing, they're very hard to come by. Dumbledore has his ways, of course. But time's a tricky thing, Hermione. So is fate, destiny."

"I don't believe in that rubbish, all that divination stuff."

"Now, you know that's not true," he said, raising his eyebrows at her. "You've had firsthand knowledge of prophesies. Destiny is strong, even if you don't believe in it. There are things we're not meant to know. But time isn't to be trifled with. Only dire circumstances can alter time. "

Hermione was speechless. She knew she shouldn't really blame him. They did, as he said, all have their parts to play. And Dumbledore - once again playing God, altering people's lives for "the greater good." Did he know what this did to her? It killed her a little to know that she could never face him again, never ask him why. She trusted Dumbledore, she always did. He obviously felt it was important that she fulfill her role. But God, how much more did she have to suffer?

"Hermione, it's going to take time for us to be...normal together again, if such a thing is even possible. It's good that you're going away, good that we won't have to see each other for awhile. There's a lot of danger in front of you, and you don't need to be thinking about me."

"I can focus on my job," she snapped.

"I know you can," he said. "I just meant that it's better for us to be apart. Whatever I've said, I still have feelings for you. Maybe you don't anymore -"

"Of course I do."

"So it's best to stay away," he finished. "We have jobs to do, and that is more important than our silly romance. Your mind is still back there. This will give you time with Ron, time to get back on track. And I need to spend time with Dora. Hermione, I need to clear my head of you."

"Devoting your time to someone else should do it, then. Do you ever think of me when you kiss her?"

"Hermione, don't." He wanted to get angry, but he knew how much she was hurting. "I know this is hard. How many more times can we go over this? Can you honestly look at me and say I'm the one you really want? Separate from yourself for just a moment, look beyond the fact that you're in turmoil now. Am I the one you want? Is hurting everyone we know worth being together? What if we didn't even last? You know how I feel. If you can look in my eyes and say I'm truly, honestly, who you want, then we will leave together right now. Knowing everything that you do, is that what you want?"

Hermione did what he asked. She stepped back, looked in her heart, in her head. Is that what she wanted?

"No."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any characters you recognize.**

**Author's Notes: My story is finished! Thanks to everyone who read, and especially to those who took the time to review or subscribe to this story. It was the first one I wrote, so it means a lot to me to be finished, even if it did take me forever.**

**Epilogue**

The next few months left Hermione no time to mourn her decision or to second guess herself. She, Harry and Ron had their hands full tracking down horcruxes and dodging the Ministry's goons. Sometimes she dreamed of her lost friends, but mostly she kept her mind in the present and on the work in front of them.

Sirius's letter had helped. Remus's tough love, as hard as it had been at the time, helped too. When she had time to look back, Hermione knew that he had made the right choice for them. Hermione's love for Ron was growing deeper by the day as well. Once or twice when they kissed she imagined hazel eyes instead of blue, but for the most part she was moving on. She had felt genuine pleasure at the news of Teddy Lupin's birth; his marriage had been a little harder for her, but she tried to be happy for him. Most of the time, she was.

And then the war was over and Remus was dead.

She couldn't believe it at first - she watched him fall from across the Great Hall, as if in slow motion. She screamed and tried to run to him, but Ron held her back. There's nothing we can do, he said. We have to keep fighting, he said, we have to help Harry. So she did. But a part of her died, too.

When the funerals were all over she locked herself in her room for three days. She didn't cry - she was beyond tears - but she stared at the wall, playing his death over and over again in her head. She had imaginary conversations with Sirius and Lily, but Remus's voice would not come to her. She knew her boys needed her - Ron and Harry were grieving, too. Fred's death had put a hole in their lives that could never be filled, and she wasn't only mourning Remus Lupin. Tonks was gone. Professor Snape. Colin Creevey. Casualties that were anything but casual. It wasn't questioned when Hermione took to her room, and although Ron and Harry checked on her often, they didn't push her to come out until she was ready. They all had tragedies to contend with. When she emerged from her room, she was able to help them start to heal.

A piece of Hermione regretted their parting; if he had so little time left, why couldn't she have spent it with him? Why couldn't she have born his son, a reminder of their love for one another? She thanked God that He spared Harry and Ron, and that more people hadn't fallen, but losing Remus, her last link to the past, was devastating. There was no one who knew what she had done, no one she could talk to about her trip to the past. She wanted to talk to him about Lily, about how proud she would have been of Harry. It hurt that no one would ever know what they had meant to her. Remus had shared her burden, and now it was hers to carry alone.

She had thought seriously of going into the Forbidden Forrest to track down the resurrection stone, but decided it would be unfair, both to her and Remus. The dead were not playthings to be summoned at will; she would have to find a different outlet for her grief. In time, she realized that it was good that they had stayed apart. Some things could never be. It was enough, she supposed, that he had left a piece of himself behind.

She spent as much time as possible with Teddy; he was the spitting image of his mother, but had his father's gold-flecked eyes. He was bright, curious and loving, and he gave Hermione, Harry and Ron a lot of comfort. Life goes on.

She and Ron married after the war's dust settled in a small ceremony. Her parents stood to the side, beaming, while Mr. and Mrs. Weasley wiped tears from their eyes. Ginny made a beautiful maid of honor; Harry a handsome best man. She could not help thinking of Sirius acting as best man for James and Lily and she was glad that the only feelings she had on her own wedding day were happiness and hope for the future. On that day she had no regret, no what ifs. She did feel Remus's presence as she stood at the altar, but she realized it was more as a friend than a past love. She imagined him smiling down on her, holding Tonks' hand and trading quips with Sirius and James. She could almost hear Lily's congratulations. It was a beautiful day.

Two years after her wedding Hermione was playing with Teddy at the Burrow. He was growing into quite the mischievous little boy, and he loved changing his looks at whim. Hermione chased him around the yard, laughing while he tried on three or four different hair colors.

"Hermione?" Mrs. Weasley called her from the kitchen. "Has that boy worn you out yet?"

"Just about," she said, panting. "Where's Harry? Tell him to take this little rascal."

Mrs. Weasley smiled. "Wait until it's your turn. You don't get to give them back."

"Oh, Lord," she said. "Not yet, please!

"You better get cracking," she teased her daughter-in-law. "Just not as many as we have, please God! Do you realize if you all have seven kids we'll have forty-nine grandchildren? I can't even count that - no." She lost her smile. "Forty-two."

Tears sprung into Hermione's eyes and she went to hug Mrs. Weasley.

"It never stops hurting, does it?" she asked quietly.

"No," she replied simply.

"Mah-yee? Can I have a hug, too?" The women looked down at Teddy. He held his arms up and Molly pulled him into the air, engulfing him in a hug.

"You're a good boy, Teddy," she said, wiping her eyes. "Just like your daddy and mommy."

"I know," he said, making both women laugh. "Can I have a cookie?"

"Of course you can, angel," Mrs. Weasley said. "Why don't we add some hot chocolate to the mix?"

"Yes, please." He followed her into the house, blowing kisses to Hermione as he left. She made a big production of catching them, making him giggle. She walked over to a tree stump and sat down, staring at the yard, thinking of nothing and everything. After a few minutes Teddy called her.

"Her-my-nee? Uncle Won's here! He said come kiss him, please. Me too!"

She smiled softly and walked into the house.


End file.
